Zero Patience Remains

for these animals in such close quarters. don’t get me wrong, i love them. most of the time. but today… i think i’m going to throw them ALL out the window. it’s at least a 12 foot drop.

adam had a 12 mile road march this morning (or should i say last night, since they had to be at work to get ready at MIDNIGHT, what is that about?!) and got home around 10 AM. i went to bed at 4 this morning so i slept with him for a while. it won’t be long until i don’t get to sleep with his arms around me every night. i’ve been soaking it up while i can. at 1, i couldn’t sleep anymore. i got up and started cleaning up the war zone.

i first noticed the clogged sink in the kitchen. it had been acting funky for a couple days (not draining nearly as fast as the other side) but i know the maintenance at this apartment complex sucks, so i’ve just been using one side. i forgot to tell adam. he came home and made pasta, and completed the clogging process. we don’t have a disposal (these apartments, well, there’s a reason they’re so cheap) so it looks like someone sacrificed a small animal in one side of our sink. evidently, adam put a lot of spaghetti sauce down the drain.

well, i was laying on the couch after picking up the rest of the apartment and thor walked into the room. i almost screamed because i thought something else horrible had happened to him, only to find out that his tiny white (now bright red) paws were soaked in spaghetti sauce. dis-gust-ing. i wiped them off as much as i could. i don’t think he can handle anymore baths for at least a day or so. he’s still recovering from his golden shower. and yesterday he managed to fall in the pan of bread crumbs i was putting on the chicken so he came out looking like he should be part of a KFC combo meal. he had a quick bath after that, as well.

i layed back down on the couch and was reading dooce and dasbecca when i got this awful craving for tuna and tater chips. it’s one of those things i almost wish my mom had never introduced to me because while tuna is good for you, the mayonnaise and chips are not quite as nutritious.

so i started rummaging through the fridge for the tuna i had made the other day and put it on the counter. i guess rampage smelled it from the bathroom (he loves to sit in the bathtub and play in the shower curtain) and i heard him start fumbling around. jack got excited (jack is deaf but it just so happens that jack loves to lay in the bathroom under the sink, you can’t pee without an audience if you live here) so he chased rampage into the kitchen. they were both at full speed. rampage jumped up onto the counter, slid into the bowl of cat food/water, knocked it into the already-clogged sink, slid into my bowl of tuna, jumped on top of the microwave, on top of the toaster, and proceeded to knock over everything on top of the microwave (leathermans, change, screwdrivers, food lion MVP cards, pills, etc).

i just wanted to eat a bowl of tuna. that’s it!!

i’m moving back to boone on friday and adam is moving in with 2 really awesome guys in his platoon next week into a very cute and decent-sized house with a backyard. a BACKYARD. which means when the animals are reunited they will be in the BACKYARD away from the humans. thank god. and i will get my new shag carpet and furniture at my apartment. i think he’s as excited as i am, if not more, to get out of this place.