i know i'm late again with the new year's post. i don't know how i wrote so much so often years ago, but i'm glad i did. and i need to do it more. it always ends up being a release, whether it's through the words themselves or the tears that inevitably flow when i'm writing. like now.

i have a teenager now--what is life?

the twins turn 9 soon--what is life?

i miss my little babies so much, but i adore my 3 besties.

i am constantly overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love in my life, and simultaneously heartbroken across states or homes or both, depending on what week it is. this week the girls are at their dad's, and i fly to denver tomorrow for a conference with eric. next week i'll be back home with my girls, and eric will be back at his place. the week after that, the girls will be back at their dad's, and eric and i will be heading somewhere else.

i love the quality time i get with all of them, but man, it rips my heart into pieces... all of the time. it is quite literally the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life.

how lucky i am to have these people in my life... where i miss them so much that it hurts.

it's always the hardest hit for me the day they leave my house.

ella started taekwondo last year, and got her yellow stripe last month. zoey started jazz classes and has a recital in june. ella is still doing basketball and is loving it. caylin is still playing the flute and had a spring and winter concert.

eric and i went to the netherlands, poland, and sweden. we taught our classes a few times over the course of the year, and gave a talk at a security conference in gothenburg.

we took all 5 kids on a 10-day trip to new england. we started out in maine near the coast, and went to my family reunion. we ate our weight in lobster, and played outside for most of the trip. then we took them all to new york city for a night. then we drove to syracuse to visit my mom and grandma. we got an airbnb on the coast in both places, and it was perfect.

this trip would be the last time the girls and i saw my grandmother. she was on fire that day. she passed away at 94 not long after we visited, and now she and my grandpa are together again. grieving her death resurfaced my other grandparents' deaths for me as well, and it all hit me like a freight train. and then i'm right back to being overwhelmed with gratitude for simply having them as long as we did. my girls got to spend quality time with some of the greatest humans i know.

as far as everything else last year...

storm is still a shitten.

we festival'ed a LOT.

we camped. we glamped.

we went to dollywood.

we went to carowinds.

my mom moved back to north carolina and it's amazing having her just a couple minutes down the road.

i 3d printed and crafted a lot.

the girls are all doing great in school.

the twins ran their first 5K and crushed it.

we have so many girls' nights it's ridiculous, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

they're all obsessed with buldak ramen, skin care, nike socks, and roblox.

it's still chaos, almost always, but despite my exhaustion and the emotional rollercoaster of life, i love every second of it to pieces.

i am so proud of my girls and the good humans they've become. i'm proud of the life we live and how much fun we have. the pictures speak for themselves. <3

man, what a year. 2024 was a year of... unprecedented growth, heartbreak, bliss, adventures, fear, you name it. ripped my heart wide open, and put myself back together better than i was before.

anyone who's stayed close to me over the last few years has witnessed my journey. no one's growth or healing is ever done. and 2024 was no different. except that it was nothing like anything i'd ever experienced in my life.

after living in austin for almost 3 years, for so many reasons, everything changed. and it didn't feel good. eric and i found out in 2023 that i would be moving to north carolina within a year, which as most of you reading this know, is home for me. of course, it's nice to go home. be closer to my dad, my stepmom, friends i almost never got to see for so many years... of course those are wonderful parts to consider.

on the other hand, being ripped from the coziest, most comfortable, amazing home that eric and i had built with our 5 kids--that stung. a lot. for us, and for the kids.

we had a year to worry about it, debate about it, reconsider, un-reconsider, cry, laugh, sob, wonder, scream, doubt, but above all, we talked about it. a lot. we talked about the hard things, the shadows, the doubts, the fears, and we did the work. i mean, we really, really did the work. for months. and we decided... let's do this. we choose us. we choose this life together. and we have already made it through harder things than this.

and just like that, everything else just fell into place.

2024 recap:

• i found needle felting
• i binged on smalland and palworld with eric and the kids
• we did spring break in wimberly with the fam
• we took all the kids camping and hiking with our soul fam and it was beautiful
• we did ren faire again, never gets old
• we went to the texas eclipse festival with hailey and david, my first big fest... eye-opening, beautiful, just magic
• we were evacuated from the texas eclipse festival due to weather, made our way to the hive to spend the eclipse with our soul fam... and eric proposed right before the eclipse happened <3
• we went to vegas for a night for eric to record an episode with a good friend of ours, saw the big apple, i watched them record in a real studio and was so proud of him (always)
• ella won basketball games--she's getting better every time, and she's on a new team here, too, so proud
• we went to local festivals with the kids
• eric and i went to our first RSA con... saw some of our favorite humans but, i think i'm good on RSA, once was enough
• we all went to disney on ice for mother's day
• eric and i went to hangout fest in alabama, saw some of our favorites... odesza, kasbo, and several more.. made new friends and it was beautiful
• we went to a VERY fancy wedding in denver and had to go shopping just to find clothes to wear, and we did, and it was equal parts uncomfortable and completely wonderful
• zoey had her first hospital visit--cracked her head open doing a back flip into the pool and had to get staples
• we took the kids to the playground and pool fleventy five thousand times
• we went to NYC with hailey and david and saw odesza, on the rail, at madison square garden, minds blown forever
• eric and i spent my birthday in ohio seeing third eye blind live, with yellowcard.. bliss
• i've taken the girls to my dad's several times since moving here
• i've been back to austin so many times that i've lost count--we now have 2 homes and never have to pack
• eric and matt and i taught at black hat again, and ran our new CTF , CTRL+ALT+DETECT at DEF CON--nailed it <3
• we found the soul fam in the our NC area, went to some really incredible festivals and found our people, caylin fell in love with cacao
• we went to disney with everyone again, and i miss it
• we made new neighbor friends in austin and they are just the best--eric really hit the neighbor lottery
• we had our second annual MSSN CTRL limacharlie conference
• eric and i taught at wild west hackin' fest again, and it went really well and we had a blast
• all 3 girls started scouting and we had our first camping trip, and it's nice to have the girls getting into new things
• i took the kids to scarowinds, something i'd been wanting to do since I WAS their age, and it was just insane, even went on their first upside down roller coasters, and creepy clowns scared us all
• the girls and i have found all the playgrounds and all the cute restaurants in the surrounding area
• eric and hailey came to visit and we went to boone and blowing rock--absolutely beautiful in the fall, always, and then we saw kasbo in charlotte... can't even describe how good it was
• eric got to meet all my nerd friends from back home at a halloween party and i have been waiting for this moment for so long and it finally happened
• i took the girls to the ren faire here in NC and we had an AMAZING time, i also went the weekend before with eric and my dad and stepmom--i lived here for 20 years before and never got to go, finally made it happen, AND we dressed up, AND got wax hands <3 kids even rode camels
• we went to panama with limacharlie for our company offsite, had never been and it was a beautiful experience
• caylin and i took a day trip to syracuse to visit my mom and grandma, so fun and much needed
• me and the girls fell in love with trader joes and go every chance we get
• we had a holiday girls night to see lindsey stirling's christmas concert, and i cried i was so happy--put us up in a hotel in downtown charlotte for the night like we were fancy and had a blast
• i finally dove into 3d printing and it's been SO. MUCH. FUN. and also so time consuming, but worth it
• caylin had her first band concert playing the flute, and she was amazing <3
• zoey also had her first chorus club concert, and she loved it
• my thor passed away in december, and it still hits me in the feels when i sit on the couch and look at his picture--enter storm, the chaos kitten... and he's a handful, but i think he will turn out ok, thor would approve.. and the girls are obsessed

2024 was a lot of things. but above all, it was growth, acceptance, and learning to flow. it showed me how unbelievably lucky i am to be able to live this life.

and it is beautiful.

after almost 17 years and one hell of a life, thor passed away monday morning. i haven't cried this much since my loki died.

loki basically raised thor from the day i got him. he was a 7 week old furball of skin and bones, and i saved his life. and i am so glad i did.

because loki was his BFF, he grew up acting more like a dog than a cat. he talked all the time, snuggled all the time, rough housed with loki and dawn, and begged for food. when he was little, he loved taking showers with me, which was weird. that faded over time but it was a thing for a while. his favorite snacks were turkey and any kind of cheese (in very small amounts). he was playful, and so sweet, and so loved.

he stayed by loki's side in her final hours, and it simultaneously broke my heart and made me love him even more.

thor was with me through 11 homes, 3 states, college, career, 3 kids, and what feels like 12 lifetimes in between. he outlived loki by 8 years, and he has been my buddy through it all.

he was an amazing furry friend to all the kids. they adored him.

in 2021, thor met dawn. and just like him and loki, he and dawn soon became best friends. they played, they snuggled, they loved each other.

when they had to part ways over the summer, it broke my heart to split them up. i had actually planned on bringing thor with me to austin to see dawn at the end of this month, but we sadly didn't make it that far.

he was also batman.

somewhere during 2023, thor decided he wanted to try being an outdoor cat. at least partially. he got really adventurous, out of nowhere. when dawn went outside, thor went outside. and he would explore the backyard. he never left, he never tried to escape, he just enjoyed the sunshine and the grass and watching the wildlife. it made him happy.

he took a particular liking to caylin over the last few months, which was adorable. he started taking naps on her bed, hanging out with her while she did her homework, giving her extra snuggles, and he put up with her photo shoot shenanigans.

during the day, thor was my meditation buddy. he would sit with me every time. when he wasn't with me, he was curled up in a sunny spot, or on the couch, or in the playroom with the kids.

he would turn into a lunatic every time he had a good poo, and would do zoomies around the house and howl. he was like a kitten, even when he was old.

his favorite toy was a whisker claw :)

he would come up to you on the couch, and stare at you until you pet him.

he watched every show and movie with us, sat with me while i crafted and worked, and witnessed every game night. he was a stranger to no one, and snuggled all of our friends, sometimes even demanded it.

he would sit in your lap, whether you wanted it or not. he especially loved snuggling on eric's lap in the evenings, whether he wanted it or not. but you can't say no to thor. you just let it happen.

he was the sweetest companion. he was my thor.

a week or so ago, he started acting not-like-thor. it was such a difference, and it was so sudden. he was barely eating, barely going to the bathroom, wasn't going upstairs all the time, and mostly just hung out on the couch all day. he was still snuggly and talkative, but i knew he didn't feel like himself. i knew my time with him was probably limited, which is why i wanted to bring him to austin to see dawn one last time after getting him checked out at the vet. i didn't realize just how little time we had left.

i took him to the vet on monday, and before we left the house i picked him up and snuggled him. he was never the biggest fan of being picked up, but he loved cuddles. but he was so not himself that he let me carry him and hug him a while.

we rode to the vet, and as soon as we walked in the door it was like he knew. i don't know how animals know, but they know. they feel everything.

i had my hand in his carrier to pet him and calm him down, and he relaxed and sat with me. a few minutes later, i opened his carrier to take him out, and i heard him take his last breath. he was gone.

my baby thor of nearly 17 years, who gave me so much love and so many kisses and so many headbutts, was gone. i started sobbing in the room with the vet tech, and just held my arms out for a hug almost instinctively, and she let me bawl on her shoulder. bless this girl.

i sat with him and gave him pets and hugs for a few minutes before they took him. i drove home sobbing. i cried off and on all day. it came in waves, and sometimes it hit me so hard it made my stomach hurt.

it feels good to grieve and mourn someone you love so deeply, and miss so hard.

when i got home, i was standing next to the window thor's blanket is in where he watched the front yard. there were 6 cardinals in my yard. i've never seen that many together before. i wholeheartedly believe in signs, and that the universe winks at us. it made me smile through the tears.

i cried yesterday. i've cried today. i'm crying now.

i had him cremated, and picked out the same urn for him that i picked for loki. now they can be together again in the stars. i picked him up yesterday and put him next to her.

i miss you so much thor. thank you for being my best buddy all these years. thank you for the love and cuddles, thank you for bringing me peace and comfort through some of my darkest of times. i love you forever.

being a mom continues to push every limit i thought i had, and then some. it's forced me to become a better human, to take better care of myself, and to recognize what's important, and what no longer serves me, so that i can show up for them.

i find peace in the day to day chaos (some days this is easier than others 😂), knowing i'm doing the best i can to raise these tiny humans, and to give them a wonderful life.

i love these girls with a love i didn't know existed until i became a mom, and i am so thankful for every lesson they've brought along the way.

also, i am le tired 🫠

social notifications have remained off.

i share less, and only share things that feel real or meaningful or valuable or fun, with love.

no unnecessary dopamine bumps or anxiety or annoyances from things that do not serve me.

i don't feel compelled to respond to anyone who doesn't align with me
i actively try to let go of expectations

i consume less, and it's only what i choose to consume, no more endless or meaningless scrolling

i've really tried to detach ego from work and social media, and anything else i can, and find my own fulfillment and value from within, and with what i can/want to contribute or create, vs before where i felt compelled to generate those things incessantly, like i had no sense of worth if i wasn't generating xyz all the time, often with less meaning

it's peaceful, and i am grateful for the change it has brought in my day to day.

it was me and Eric's last official day at Recon today, and next week we begin our new adventure with LimaCharlie. not goodbye for us and Recon, as we'll always have ties as co-founders and advisors, and Eric as a board member.. but it is the end of our day-to-day responsibilities there, and it is all very bittersweet.

Eric and i poured literal blood, sweat, and tears into Recon, especially in the early days, and looking back, i know it was all worth it to see what it's become... i am unbelievably proud of this team, and have loved watching our friends kick ass every day, and grow smarter better faster stronger.

as odd as it sounds, i am very emotionally tied to a lot of what i built, what we built, and letting go of it all slowly over the last few weeks has been harder than i anticipated... teaching, mentoring, documenting, handing over access, passing the torch... so that in and of itself has been a growth opportunity i wasn't expecting.

but as some wise person once said, the only constant in life is change... so here we are 🌈 🤍

 let's do this.

"i'm so hungry, where should we go for dinner?"

and then i thought, "ugh, that means shower, and drying my hair, and makeup and all the minutia of venturing out into people". and at some point i said, "that's the only thing i hate about showering, having to waste time doing all of that afterwards", etc, etc, etc.

and none of that matters, except to say, ALL of that matters...

it means i have hair to take care of and play with, because when i'm older, and my hair is thinning, or gone, i will look back to today and say, "WTF WERE YOU THINKING", as i often do.

i was disgusted at my own disposition.

when i gripe to myself about laundry, it means i have a home to tend to and adorable childrens to care for.

when i gripe to myself about dishes, it means i have a home full of mouths to feed and nourish.

when i gripe to myself about literally anything, it means i have something.

i am so fortunate, and so grateful for this life, and its ups and downs.

i think about this frequently. i try to remind myself, and to be mindful, but sometimes you get lost in the day to day.

all this to say, i hope you stop and take a moment to appreciate the things you may be taking for granted in the moment.

<3

i'll spare the repetitiveness--a brief summary of what OpenSOC is, if you're unfamiliar, is above. but it has become so much more than that.

what started as Eric's brainchild years ago, a project he started in order to train his own SOC at his previous job, evolved into one of our biggest contributions, if not the biggest, to the infosec community after we joined forces.

we poured 5 years of literal blood, sweat, and tears into building and evolving and growing OpenSOC, almost exclusively because we knew how much of an impact it had on the people who played. job opportunies, learning opportunities, an intellectual challenge. it was a grind, but a worthy grind.

it is something we are truly proud of. something i am truly proud of, and am honored to be a part of.

OpenSOC got me a keynote address at one of the best security conferences in the industry. OpenSOC allowed me to grow my skillsets a hundred fold. OpenSOC introduced me to some of the best and brightest people in the security field, some of whom contributed to it in huge ways. OpenSOC was a catalyst for Recon, for our team, my career, and my personal life.

i'd like to highlight some of the best parts from each of our events. picking less than a dozen photos for some of these was basically impossible.

2018

DakotaCon

this was our first public event. 4 of us headed to south dakota, not knowing that basically a blizzard was waiting for us upon arrival. we got rental cars and ventured into the abyss, headed for dakota state university.

we had a small classroom full of participants, Eric gave his talk, "50 shades of Graylog", and the event wound up being a success, despite some hiccups in the beginning. we learned our first lesson of traveling with the range--always have spare cables.

this was also the first and only (so far) time that i was able to make Eric laugh cry in front of a group of students and it was glorious.

ISSW

this was a really fun conference. especially since it started out with an obligatory trip to fry's (RIP). we bought bawls and toys, and all was well in the world.

the event was relatively small, but it had a lot of community involvement. the lock picking crew was in the room with us, which made for great entertainment.

one of our participants even played the entire event on his phone. which is doable, since the tools are all web based, but ill-advised. he seemed to regret that decision, and i think his eyes were melting out of his head by the end, but powered through anyway.

BSides SATX

this event was a blast. we started the trip with a Bucee's stop, and we were on our way to San Antonio.

we got to St. Mary's and set up shop.

the range, in all its sprawling glory.

if you look closely, you can see the toaster emblem stuck on our Ubiquiti USG. appropriate because of how hot these things get on the regular.

..we'll get back to that soon 😐

DEF CON 26

DEF CON 26 was our first big event. especially for me.

we'd been attending DEF CON for years, but we'd never run an event. this gained a lot of publicity for our small but scrappy crew. we were nervous but so, so excited.

the range had grown a little bit, and now fit in 3 pelican cases instead of 2.

i was also giving a talk that year on the Hacker Tracker, a project that has been near and dear to my heart since 2012.

this had nothing to do with OpenSOC, obviously, but it was part of what made this year so magical for me. i got to pour my heart into 2 projects that directly made an impact on a community that had already done so much for me since 2009.

OpenSOC ended up being a blast. stressful, but we made it happen.

in true Bromiley fashion, he brought us some of the best Vegas breakfast around before our event started. i will never forget eggslut sammiches as long as i live.

we had a to overcome a few hurdles throughout the event, including DEF CON network issues, given the complex nature of the environment we were running.

it all worked out in the end, but for a portion of the event we ended up running the range out of one of our hotel rooms on cellular. it wasn't ideal, but it got the job done.

stats from the event are here, but we had nearly 300 people participating at our first DEF CON. the room was packed, the music was on point, the blue team village vibe was epic, and i will never forget the energy in that room.

we found ourselves with enough downtime one evening to actually roam the halls of DEF CON.

since we allowed the contest to run all night, we ran into other people at the con playing OpenSOC. for us, this was a defining "WE MADE IT!" moment.

some of these nerds ended up winning the event the following year, which would earn them a DEF CON black badge, and eventually a spot on our volunteer team.

obligatory photo of the bathtub of beer at the Graylog hotel party.

obligatory photo of Kyle and i on Fremont Street after we finished running the event.

we went out in a blaze of glory that night.

Texas Cyber Summit

Texas Cyber Summit started out with, yes, another trip to Bucee's. kolaches FTW. if i remember right, my flights got screwed up this year and i ended up having to drive to San Antonio from Dallas in a rental.

small sacrifice. i am always down for a road trip.

Eric, putting all the things together.

obligatory range and toaster pic.

obligatory badge pic.

we had a smaller turnout at this event, but the folks who participated were committed. one of the winners at this event also ended up being a solid member of our volunteer crew.

this photo makes me smile, and sad at the same time. Nolan was a dear friend who passed away, and our next DEF CON would have a lot of tributes to him. he was a huge part of making DEF CON 26 a success, a critical member of the blue team village, and just an amazing soul.

had a hotdog today, and funny enough, couldn't stop thinking about one of the last rants i heard this guy go on... we all miss you, @d3vnull42 💙🌭🥃😔 https://t.co/EKv2mhmN2Z

— Whitney Champion 🍪🚀 infosec.exchange/@shortstack (@shortxstack) November 16, 2018

BSides DC

this might be my least favorite event we ever ran.

1. our USG overheated. which is why the toaster is appropriate (i would later draw an angry refrigerator to replace it). it bricked itself, and thank god for mr. Jack Daniel, our hero, who brought us a Sophos firewall. thank god, a second time, that Eric knew the ins and outs of those things--he rebuilt our network on the fly, while Mr. Matt Bromiley tap danced in front of our participant audience mid event to keep them entertained while they waited for us to continue.

2. we had a huge incident come in during the event. this meant we were running OpenSOC, and also juggling an IR, so we basically didn't get to sleep and we were angry and full of nerd rage for most of the event.

despite our setbacks, we proved once again that we could make it through just about anything. the event ended up being another success.

we had a room full of active participants, and we made some amazing connections at this event.

here's an angry Eric and Bromiley forensicating during our "downtime".

2019

BSides Austin

i failed at my job as photographer at this event. i only got a handful, which is very unlike me.

since much of our team is Austin based, and Eric had spoken at BSides Austin in the past, this was almost a required event for us.

pictured above--part of our Hak5 rubber ducky scenario. we ended up retiring this scenario, mostly because we had a knack for losing said ducky when we took it on trips. and it also required a physical device to maintain and configure and rely on, which ended up being more trouble than it was worth. as you can see. computers are fun.

at some point during this event, something went wrong unrelated to OpenSOC (related to dayjob) so i spent much of the event heads down troubleshooting instead of enjoying the conference.

another success, however, and a great turnout.

DEF CON 27

oh, how i equally loathed and absolutely loved this event. let me first set the stage by saying that the pressure was turned all the way up for this one.

1. we had already run one OpenSOC at DEF CON, and we knew it was going to be more participants, more scenarios, more everything than the last one.
2. we were running this event immediately after running our 4 day training at Black Hat, which was where most of the pressure came from... we had hard drives failing in the range that required more than one RAID rebuild during the training days.
3. the stress of the above 2 points was enough to send me into full body hives within hours of wheels down in Las Vegas. since i had never had hives before, i didn't know was happening, and thought it was some crazy allergic reaction to something in the hotel. spoiler--it was just stress. severe stress.

here's me about an hour after i got to Las Vegas and settled into my hotel room.

here's my leg about an hour later. this was all over me. all. over. i'm literally getting goosebumps and chills looking at this now because i remember how uncomfortable i was for the next 4 days.

that night, i was already losing my mind. i went all over mandalay and the luxor looking for a blanket or a sheet that wasn't hotel distributed and found nothing but this by the wee hours of the morning--a giant shark blanket. i would sleep on it for the next few nights until i realized that it had nothing to do with the sheets at all.

i woke up every hour or so every night to rub cold soda cans and washcloths soaked in ice water on my skin. i rotated towels lined with ice cubes in my bed so i could find some relief. cold showers were the only kind i took, and i stayed on a constant drip of benadryl, whiskey, and cough drops. it was awful. the saving grace those first few days was that the halls of Black Hat are always freezing and so are the classrooms, and the womens bathrooms were almost always empty when i needed to disappear to breathe.

if you didn't know how much stress and anxiety could manifest itself physically, i was a walking demonstration of what not to do.

the range no longer lived in the pelican cases that year. we upgraded to the big guy on the right corner.

so big that it was driven to Las Vegas, and then we had to rent a car to move it from Mandalay Bay to the Flamingo to transfer it from Black Hat to DEF CON. you could hear its wheels echoing as it rolled through the casino floor.

it was beautiful. 🥲

so Black Hat ended, which meant much of the stress had subsided. it was wildly successful, so in the end it was all worth it.

this was also about the time i realized that i wasn't dying of some weird plague or allergy and that it was all self inflicted and that's equally bad, but less scary. the hives began subsiding over the next several hours after Black Hat ended. the more you know.

our shirts were shipped to the hotel, and i'd just like to point out how badass they were that year.

these Hacker Tracker signs were new that year, and made me oh so proud. <3

the range, big and beautiful and glowing, during OpenSOC in the Blue Team Village.

range-ops-ing during the event.

shots of the village at peak OpenSOC. that room was magical.

some of the organizers set this up for Nolan in the village. his parents came that year, and we honored him with the scenario we wrote featuring little snippets of him. his parents talked with all of us and i was in tears.

some of our crew and some of the BTV organizers, and a badge for Nolan. <3

obligatory DEF CON shenaningans.

v3rbaal and h4r0ld got married at DEF CON that year, in the Blue Team Village. the village that they met through and organized together across continents. freaking epic. i love those two.

badge hacking at dinner. outside. in the heat. i'd just like to note that it was sweet, sweet relief to be able to be outside in the heat and not burst into bright red death all over finally.

the art that year was just so cool.

here is some of our crew waiting for our turn at the closing ceremonies. the first DEF CON closing ceremony i've ever attended to date, and i've been going since 2009. it was massive and crowded and i immediately remembered why i never went.

the moment we had all been waiting for. OpenSOC was deemed a Black Badge event that year, which was a massive honor and testament to our all of our efforts. we were to speak at the closing ceremonies and present the Black Badges to the winning team and talk a little about OpenSOC. this was both terrifying and incredible.

the last ridiculous part of the whole event was when i left for the airport, already late, got out of the taxi, and my phone fell out of my lap and into the road. i didn't notice. a car ran over it. i had already gone inside, had a minor panic attack, ran outside, and someone found it and returned it to a desk. somehow, it was still somewhat functional (albeit slightly dangerous with shards of glass poking me in the fingers and face, screen flickering) and i didn't miss my flight.

Texas Cyber Summit

this was now our second TCS event, and this one had a better turnout than the first. the event was bigger with more attendees in general, and we had a great class.

getting the room set up the night before.

i love this picture of me because this scooter would later kick my ass. we'll get to that.

OpenSOC signage.

obligatory badge pic. you'll notice... the year is wrong. this was actually TCS 2019. i don't know.

obligatory Hackers viewing during the event.

obligatory Texas shaped waffles. until that day, i had no idea this was a thing. where i come from, they don't make Carolina shaped waffles. either that, or i missed out for 35 years.

the scooter i mentioned. this is what it did to me. we all went out on scooters for dinner and drinks, and on the way there, i hit a bump and wound up with several more. my knees were effed, and i literally showed San Antonio my ass.

don't scooter in a skirt.

i haven't scootered since.

peak OpenSOC during the event!

TCS closing ceremonies. this event was a blast and i spent some time on the San Antonio Riverwalk after the event was over before heading home. the Iron Cactus is a forever favorite.

BSides DC

i'm posting this picture because this was the first time i wore these pants in public. on the plane to DC. i got some spectacular double takes.

luckily, we didn't have an IR blow up during this BSides DC. but we did have other issues. like the air conditioning not working in the room. and if i remember right, we had another issue with another USG crapping out mid event and Bromiley had to do more tap dancing until we got the issue resolved.

we stayed at my most favorite hotel for this event. i had never stayed at a Moxy before but i absolutely have to stay at one again. it was a blast. and they give you a free drink coin/token upon arrival.

the whole place just looked and felt like a party.

they had shuffleboard in the lobby, and some other games.

Aaron and Eric snuggling in the lounge.

obligatory badge pic. i loved this year's badge.

our very hot room.

do you know what happens when you cram a hundred nerds and a hundred laptops into a room and turn the AC off? take a guess.

CactusCon

this was our first CactusCon, and quickly became one of our favorite conferences to attend. good people, a lot of blue team focus, wicked cool art, great talks, just a fun vibe all around.

how cool are all of these?! ^^^

mr. Bromiley being the best hype man, as always.

another fun fact about mr. Bromiley--he always knows where the good food is. or how to find it. if you're ever in Mesa, this place is amazing.

this event was a hit--so much so that job offers and connections were made between teams and organizers.

"reasons we do this for 500, Alex"

i also had the honor of keynoting this event. the best part--i got to talk about everything we had poured into OpenSOC up until that point.

if you look closely, you can almost see me over the podium.

another fun fact about mr. Bromiley--he will buy you shots of whiskey before you have to give a talk because he believes in you, but also knows how terrified you are.

we got to bring OpenSOC. nerds got to play OpenSOC. we got to speak about OpenSOC. and we got to eat delicious food. 5 stars, would attend again.

2020

Camp COVID

and then the world got weird. it's hard to fathom that it's been 3 years now, almost to the day, that the world went upside down. at least where i was living at the time. march 16, 2020. i will never forget.

here's something i don't think anyone ever knew--i drew the Camp COVID patch as a joke (we all cope differently, and i make weird "art") when all this started.

i showed the badge to Eric and he was like, we have to do this. we have to make this a thing. we asked the community, and they said yes. so we did.

Recon and the https://t.co/ppYocDgP90 team are considering running a free OpenSOC Blue Team CTF for folks looking to stay sharp while at WFH Camp COVID! Seats would be limited, but we'll support as many as we can on a first-come basis. Any interest from the #infosec crowd? pic.twitter.com/C0pejKbhRn

— Recon InfoSec (@Recon_InfoSec) March 21, 2020

we ran an event in april of 2020, called Camp COVID, and it was a hit. it was a ton of work, and it was exhausting, and we were all working from home with kids and the chaos and the world ending, but we did it.

and people loved it, and people had fun, so it was worth it.

DEF CON 28

this was also a weird event. a virtual DEF CON, a first of its kind. but we still made it happen.

needless to say, we hung out in pajamas for 99% of the event.

there's Lennart being awesome, talking about Graylog. several of our friends and teammates participated in the Blue Team Village that year, including but not limited to giving demos of the tools that would be used during OpenSOC.

osquery FTW.

aaand TJ geeking out on some ELK! we love our TJ.

it was so fun to watch.

here's Eric, deep in the throes of OpenSOC.

virtual or not, running OpenSOC is rough no matter how you cut it. scenarios, scenario validation, fixing questions/answers in the scoreboard, keeping an eye on the tools throughout the event and the ops behind them, the range ops, all of it.

we could be virtual for every event and it would still be the same lift.

the best part about doing events in person is feeling the energy and being a part of the event, so, 2020 was rough, but still a success.

i'd be remiss not to show our OpenSOC shirts for 2020. epic.

a running tradition for all of our events is the "tall screenshot". i forget when it started, but i had a chrome extension that would scroll to take a screenshot of the whole page, no matter how ridiculous it was, so i was forever deemed the taker of tall screenshots.

pretty sure this is a cropped tall screenshot.

Grayhat

we ran an event for Grayhat 2020, and because it was 2020, it was another virtual event.

i (sadly) do not have anything from this one. 2020 was ruff.

2021

DEF CON 29

we did DEF CON 29 a little differently.

we didn't stay on the strip. we got an AirBnB with the team and it was the best decision we ever made.

nerd luggage.

rolling up to lunch with the team after landing in Vegas.

Eric and i came up with the idea of the nostalgic sticker pack sometime before DEF CON, and ordered them just in time. they were a hit.

everyone wanted some of these bad boys.

this AirBnB was amazing. games everywhere. pool. privacy. no slot machine noises.

obligatory DC29 badge pics.

have i mentioned that the OpenSOC team is awesome? i think this was before our fam dinner at Buca di Beppo.

nerding with friends and playing with glowsticks in one of the DC lounges.

Eric and TJ taking advantage of downtime at the house.

we roll deep.

Eric and TJ again.

we had our team, and our work cut out for us. but damn that year was fun.

Michael kept us fueled on homemade guac. we swam. we played. we watched all the movies. we enjoyed the hell out of that year.

this was also the first time our (almost) whole team had been together, so that was huge.

fam dinner.

good friends at the Paris bar <3

ubering to DEF CON.

this ^ is Andrew. Andrew is good people. we love Krit and loved working with them. fun fact--Kelley (our amazing PM at Recon, who hired me at SPARC in 2011 and i poached for Recon a couple years ago) and i met the Krit guys way back when at one of our first SPARC Hackathons (2012? 2013?) and they won.

and then they built epic things for us at Recon.

and then they got acquired by GreyNoise. i met (other) Andrew of GreyNoise at ShmooCon 2016, when he stayed at our AirBnB, before GreyNoise was even a thing.

i feel so old putting this all into words, but i am so proud to know these people, and share a small part in their journeys.

all this to say

we have loved building OpenSOC for you.

we have loved playing OpenSOC with you.

we have loved teaching you.

we have loved mentoring you.

we have loved learning with you.

we have loved experiencing all of this with you.

OpenSOC is and will always be near and dear to our hearts, and we will be giving back in plenty of other ways going forward.

keep leveling each other up.

thank you.

<3

he pulled her aside while she was getting her shoes and jacket back on, and her mom was a couple chairs away, watching the whole thing.

he called her "Chubby", as in, a nickname, told her she was weird looking and "dressed like a grandma". he then proceeded to tell her more than once that she needed a pedicure and went on to list the reasons why.

my blood was boiling. i was shocked that, 1) a "man" would speak to his daughter this way, 2) her mother didn't bat an eye. does he treat her mother like this too? or does her mother simply not care? how often does he (or possibly, they) talk to her like this?

this gets under my skin for so many reasons, beyond the obvious--it's messed UP.

i am going to get very personal, because self image, body dysmorphia, self confidence, and self consciousness have been a struggle for me since i was old enough to know that looks were something people cared about.

it's also something i've put a LOT of effort into throughout my healing journey the last few years, and not passing on to my girls, because i know how crippling it can be.

we all have wounds of our own, some deeper than others, but we do not have to pass them on. it is our responsibility as parents to change and heal for the better, evolve, and put an end to our generational traumas.

when i was growing up, my mother spoke very poorly of herself. she would nitpick every little thing. this is something we all do, to some extent, but this was consistent, constant, and hit harder for me for a couple reasons. 1) she always told me things like, "you have my chin", or "you have my skin", or "you have my legs", hair, etc. 2) it was amplified by the fact that she would then heavily criticize these same things in herself, and when i heard these things over and over, i did the math. if i got those things from her, and they're the same, then they must be unacceptable too. and what really made it sink in was when at one point, she told me that my dad told her that she didn't have the kind of skin that looked pretty without makeup. i have her skin. i must not be pretty, either.

let me be clear--i'm not saying this is my mom's fault. or my dad's. none of us have done any of this before and we all have growing to do. she didn't realize what i was absorbing, and she has things to heal within, too. we all do.

"no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." --maybe einstein? or paraphrased? bottom line, if there are unhealed parts of her that are causing her to feel and express herself this way, she obviously isn't of the mindset to recognize the damage it's doing, or did, to me. or anyone else.

on top of all that, the bullying was through the roof throughout middle and high school, both at school and online. some of the things i was told will stick with me for the rest of my life.

it wasn't until i had girls of my own that i began to realize how deeply rooted these wounds were for me. and that i couldn't, wouldn't, pass them on to my girls. and that i needed to do everything in my power to shield them from what i could.

i still have plenty of work to do in the realm of self consciousness and body image. but i'm acutely aware of it. i'm actively working on it. i'm SO much better off now than i was even a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago.

but what's more important is that i don't talk down to myself around my girls, EVER. i don't criticize or nitpick anything about my kids' bodies, EVER. i try harder now than ever (when i actually leave the house for things with not-pajamas or workout clothes on) to dress in confidence, too. more specifically, to not give a flip what anyone else thinks when i walk out that door. i want them to wear their weird and i want them to love the way they look, to be proud of their bodies, and know that they are beautiful, inside and out, period.

so--don't be that guy. life is hard enough. lift your children up, and give them the love and support they need in abundance, so that when others do try to steal their light, they have more than enough stashed away to stand up and walk right through the bullshit.

while i'm thrilled that it now exists (i wish it had been there 10 years ago), i don't want to run into this situation again.

somehow, 3 instances (that are untouched outside of packages being installed) had the wrong root PARTUUID in grub, and when they were rebooted for an instance size change, they would not boot and dropped to a shell.

how fun.

after some digging through the config files and comparing UUIDs in the configs with what i got back from blkid, i realized that none of them matched, and the PARTUUID that was in grub.cfg didn't even exist on the system.

it would be really nice to know what actually caused those UUIDs to be completely wrong, though. i've been doing this for ages now and i've literally never had this happen.

so, in the event that anyone else runs into this, this was the solution to get everything back up and running. these are ubuntu 20.04. YMMV in other scenarios.

step 1

make your mount directory (name doesn't matter), and mount your device (yours might be different), and all the things. chroot to the mount point you chose.

mkdir /mnt
mount /dev/nvme0n1p1 /mnt
mount --rbind /dev  /mnt/dev
mount --rbind /proc /mnt/proc
mount --rbind /sys  /mnt/sys
chroot /mnt 

step 2

update your grub config to assign the right PARTUUID in the GRUB_FORCE_PARTUUID variable. you can run blkid to get the correct PARTUUID of your root device.

vi /etc/default/grub.d/40-force-partuuid.cfg

step 3

update grub.

update-grub2

aaand it's all better.

the fun of running a lab also comes with the fun of troubleshooting things you wouldn't otherwise have to troubleshoot in a properly managed/replicated/backed up environment. like figuring out how a database within vcenter that you didn't even know about got corrupted during a power failure and how to fix it.

this is not my area of expertise, nor do i ever wish for it to be, but if we wish to run OpenSOC at any point in the future without rebuilding a million pieces of the puzzle (something we absolutely do not have time for), i needed to figure this out.

TL;DR - vcenter won't work if vmware-vpxd isn't running (along with many other services, but this was the most problematic one in our case). vmware-vpxd won't run if vmware-vpostgres isn't running. vmware-vpostgres won't run if things are clobbered.

typically the vcenter UI takes minutes to come up, but i waited and waited and eventually logged in to find that the /sdk endpoint was unavailable. i assumed one of the required services hadn't started, so i SSH'ed in to see what went wrong where.

steps i took to get things back in order are below. this is by no means an exhaustive solution, and it will undoubtedly not work in every case. but it worked in mine. running v6.7.

i hope this helps anyone who encounters similar problems, since i ran into articles like this a few times and almost gave up hope.

since i knew we had a power failure and the system likely got hard powered off, i went ahead and ran pg_resetxlog.

clear the write-ahead log

su vpostgres -s /bin/sh
pg_resetxlog -f /storage/db/vpostgres
exit
service-control --start vmware-vpostgres

vpostgres still wouldn't start, so i continued. i started seeing errors about state files having the wrong magic number in the postgres logs.

PANIC:  replication slot file "pg_replslot/vpg_archiver/state" has wrong magic number: 1743 instead of 17112225
LOG:  startup process (PID 24143) was terminated by signal 6: Aborted

remove old state files

mv /storage/db/vpostgres/pg_replslot/vpg_archiver /opt
mv /storage/db/vpostgres/pg_logical/replorigin_checkpoint /opt
service-control --start vmware-vpostgres

to my surprise, postgres started. i went to start vpxd, and it failed again.

find the corrupted entries in vpxd.log

2023-01-23T17:24:10.040Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '5247'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '8649'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '4412'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '8132'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '2614'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '5681'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.041Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '128'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.042Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '8911'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.042Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '7320'
2023-01-23T17:24:10.042Z warning vpxd[36077] [Originator@6876 sub=InvtVmDb] Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB. Host id: '7583' is not found in the inventory for VM id: '4064'

cat /var/log/vmware/vpxd/vpxd.log | grep "Failed to load VPX_VM record from DB"

i saw a ton of errors in here, and this is completely new territory for me. i noted the article above, which suggested restoring from a backup that we did not have. since that wasn't an option, this was kind of a hail mary.

i decided to remove the problematic entries from the inventory in the vcenter database.

find the database password in the config

cat /etc/vmware/service-state/vpxd/embedded_db.cfg | grep PGUSER_PASSWORD

log into the database

su vpostgres -s /bin/sh
psql -d VCDB postgres

delete the corrupted entries

you will need to run the following commands for each corrupted machine by replacing <VM_ID_HERE> with the ID of the machines identified in the log file.

you can script it or just copy paste, depending on how many errors you ran into.

i don't envy your situation either way.

delete from VPX_COMPUTE_RESOURCE_DAS_VM where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_COMPUTE_RESOURCE_DRS_VM where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_GUEST_DISK where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VIRTUAL_DEVICE where ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;    
delete from VPX_VM_CONFIG_INFO where ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_DS_SPACE where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_FILE_LAYOUT_EX where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_FLE_DISK_LAYOUT where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_FLE_FILE_INFO where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_FLE_SNAPSHOT_LAYOUT where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM_STATIC_OVERHEAD_MAP where VM_ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_VM where ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
delete from VPX_ENTITY where ID=<VM_ID_HERE>;
\quit
service-control --start vmware-vpxd

vpxd started. \o/

reboot

i rebooted to see if my issues would allow all the vcenter services to come up on their own.

they all did.

once i was able to log into vcenter in the web UI, i moved all my "discovered virtual machines" back to where they needed to be. nothing was lost in the process.

i did, however, start seeing You have no privileges to view this object or it does not exist in the web UI after a few minutes.

i went back to the vpxd logs:

vpxd had died again.

SQLError was thrown: "ODBC error: (XX002) - ERROR: index "pk_vpx_proc_log" contains corrupted page

reindex (maybe)

i had some indexing errors. you may not. YMMV. i reindexed the indexes that had errors.

su vpostgres -s /bin/sh
psql -d VCDB postgres
reindex index pk_vpx_proc_log;

reboot (again)

i rebooted again to make sure everything was running smoothly. so far, i haven't had any further issues. and still, no data loss.

so, if you think your database is completely hosed, it may not be. 🤷

and hopefully this spares you the hours that it wasted for me.

this was taken the morning of day 1 of quarantine, march 2020.

it feels like i blinked.

i remember those early pandemic days. 2-3 hour shifts of work/kids/chaos. i remember thinking how much harder everything was about to get. and ohhh, it did. it definitely did.

but discomfort and disruption brought reflection. reflection brought the death of an old and toxic life, and the birth of a new one. nothing came easy, but it has all meant so much more, and encouraged so much growth.

i can't believe this all started 3 nearly years ago. and i can't believe my girls are 3 years older. it hurts my mom feels to see how much they've grown since then.

all this to say, i am thankful for the lows that allowed me to experience the highs. i'm thankful for the disruption that so drastically changed our lives. i'm thankful for my girls who have showed me what i'm capable of. i'm thankful for a supportive partner and our journey together.

i'm thankful for finding myself in the midst of all of this.

🤍🙏🌿

i've touched on this a lot across several posts, but never addressed it directly. i've made a lot of changes over the last year, year and a half, regarding self care.

i cut out red meat.
i cut out alcohol almost entirely.
i cut out my diet coke.
i swapped out a lot of foods and i'm far more mindful about what i feed myself and my girls.
i get a lot more sleep.
i drink a lot more water.
i still work out every day.
i've spent time outside every day, rain or shine.
i've been meditating almost every day, but especially on the days when i know it's needed.
i've spent more time really talking with my kids.
i don't kill myself with crazy hours anymore.
i relax.

the change has been phenomenal, physically and mentally.

caylin meditates with me regularly, which is amazing. and we've talked a lot about the above.

i explain to her why i've made some of the changes i've made, and why i try to encourage those habits with her and her sisters early on.

last night we talked about why we do hard things. why we challenge ourselves.

i told her that it's why i take her running with me, and biking, and why i have her and her sisters run the big bridge with me. it's why i'm tough on her about making sure her homework is done right and her studying is done early. why i make sure she takes care of herself (sleep, showers, teeth, hair, etc) and her belongings. the gratitude, and satisfaction, and the power of knowing what you're capable of, is immensely powerful and fulfilling.

she nods along, and says she understands, and she may not fully yet, but the seeds get planted, and that is everything.

we are the mirror of how we treat ourselves. and if others see that we treat ourselves poorly, what reason do they have to do any differently? i tell her all the time that i want her to recognize how powerful she is, inside and out. i tell her that if anyone in her life ever treats her poorly or any differently than she treats herself, that it's because they are not happy with themselves, and they are not practicing the self love i'm trying to instill early on in her and her sisters.

"teach your children that which you learned late" is a quote i read recently, and i can't remember where it came from. but it's spot on.

so i'm trying. every day.

she broke down crying the other night, "i hate COVID". "me too, kiddo. me too. but it was also the catalyst for a lot of good change". we talked about a lot of the changes in all of our lives lately. i also explained to her that the only constant in life is change, and that we have to flow with it. and that as long as we take care of ourselves and each other, we will come out just fine. we always have each other. she perked up after that.

just last night, she got sad and started crying, "i don't want you to get old, mommy". my response was, "girl, you better stop crying, mommy is still a kid, and we have a lot of living to do". that spiraled into how i don't want to wait until i'm old to do all the adventures.

"work hard, play hard" is thrown around a lot in this industry, and i have definitely done that, and still do. but these days, i no longer live to work--i work to live, and to love my girls, and give them every experience i can.

i explained to her that it's why i take them camping, and to festivals, and parks, and disney, and hiking in the mountains, and running, and all the things. life is happening NOW. not when we turn 60 and "retire". it is NOW. and these little girls are gonna live it NOW.

every change i've made since 2020 has been to better myself, in order to LIVE and love those girls as much as i can, and guide them the best way i know how.

i sat with rapeh in the driveway this afternoon before leaving to pick them up from school. i have never felt more peace and clarity and pure joy than i do these days. i know i am on the right path, and i'm doing the right things, and that they are going to be just fine. we all are.

here's to more adventures.

<3

friday night thoughts 🤍🙏

...
you are enough
let go and love
...

i sat down to meditate tonight. it's been 2-3 days because 1) i ran out of rapeh, and 2) i've been filling my days and not setting aside time to just sit, regardless, between work and life. and i should have.

i could feel an unrest, a frustration, when i sat down, and couldn't really figure out why. but a couple minutes in, and i knew exactly why.

not only because it had been a few days, but also because i was feeling guilt about the girls tonight. they were mostly great all afternoon/evening, but we had a couple meltdowns tonight, and i had to get onto them.

the details don't matter, but when i don't show the patience i've so desperately been working towards (and doing a lot better at, even), i find myself back in that headspace, "you could've done better".

i have fun things planned for this weekend with them. some people tell me i'm nuts for doing so many things with them, and i get a lot of "that must be a handful". but i do this for 2 reasons.. 1) i want them to experience life and new things and have all the fun, and 2) it's more opportunities for learning the patience and grace i know they and i deserve.

so, today was progress. i snuggled them all tonight, and made donuts with caylin.

tomorrow is a new day. and i will continue to work on it.

<3

caylin turns 9 tomorrow. i still can't wrap my head around it. she was a baby a month ago.

i am so unbelievably proud of this girl. she is such a bright light. such a sweet, kind soul, and an amazing big sister.

we woke up around 6, or they did, actually. i snuggled ella in bed til 7 while caylin and zoey played with balloons in their room.

they watched movies in my bed while i made breakfast. chocolate chip waffles (caylin's request) with whipped cream and sprinkles, and lots of berries and bananas.

we played with balloons and blasted music and they danced and sang and ran around.

we played the hackin packin alpaca game. it was a riot, and we all got spit on.

our day had barely begun and caylin already yelled, "this is the best birthday ever!" ❤️

we got our bathing suits on and sunscreened up and went to the pool--only ones there. i threw all of them in over and over again. chased them all around the pool, tickling and tossing. caylin spent a lot of time flipping the girls around and around, such a good big sister.

we came home and turned the sprinkler on, got the chalk and buckets and toys out and played in the driveway til they were whooped.

baths and showers for everyone--time to get cozy.

my mom came over for the birthday party. more movies, coloring, balloons, and presents. pizza showed up around 1. caylin specifically requested cicis mac and cheese pizza.

we all sang happy birthday to caylin, and she blew out the candles. cake and ice cream and cake pops were devoured in minutes.

the 5 of us snuggled back up on the couch to watch the rest of vivo until the twins got restless and went back to beating everyone up with balloons.

caylin broke in her new heelies shoes and set up all her toys. we played with her new microscope and examined ALL THE THINGS. so much fun.

mom left and the girls and i went to publix to get cupcakes for caylin to take to school tomorrow. we came home and played until caylin went to dinner with her dad. the twins and i went on bike rides.

we goofed around for a couple hours--puzzles, movies, snuggles, and balloons.

caylin came home and we played the hackin packin alpaca game once again. we all got pajamas on and crammed in my bed for snuggles and a movie.

the twins went to sleep, and i promised caylin we'd do clay together. she made me a present--a "hacker" sculpture, it's perfect. she made a donut with sprinkles while i made a snake with a pickle. we set up her new galaxy lamp, i tucked her in, and now they're all asleep.

i'm sitting downstairs on the couch with thor, just thinking about how much fun today was.

sure, there was whining. there were some meltdowns. but these girls and i played all day, and i got to love on all of them all day long.

before she went to bed, she asked me, "can we just start today over again?"

i wish, babygirl. i wish. every time.

i can't believe how much i love them.

happy birthday, to my beautiful caylin.

<3