Long Talks

i've touched on this a lot across several posts, but never addressed it directly. i've made a lot of changes over the last year, year and a half, regarding self care.

i cut out red meat.
i cut out alcohol almost entirely.
i cut out my diet coke.
i swapped out a lot of foods and i'm far more mindful about what i feed myself and my girls.
i get a lot more sleep.
i drink a lot more water.
i still work out every day.
i've spent time outside every day, rain or shine.
i've been meditating almost every day, but especially on the days when i know it's needed.
i've spent more time really talking with my kids.
i don't kill myself with crazy hours anymore.
i relax.

the change has been phenomenal, physically and mentally.

caylin meditates with me regularly, which is amazing. and we've talked a lot about the above.

i explain to her why i've made some of the changes i've made, and why i try to encourage those habits with her and her sisters early on.

last night we talked about why we do hard things. why we challenge ourselves.

i told her that it's why i take her running with me, and biking, and why i have her and her sisters run the big bridge with me. it's why i'm tough on her about making sure her homework is done right and her studying is done early. why i make sure she takes care of herself (sleep, showers, teeth, hair, etc) and her belongings. the gratitude, and satisfaction, and the power of knowing what you're capable of, is immensely powerful and fulfilling.

she nods along, and says she understands, and she may not fully yet, but the seeds get planted, and that is everything.

we are the mirror of how we treat ourselves. and if others see that we treat ourselves poorly, what reason do they have to do any differently? i tell her all the time that i want her to recognize how powerful she is, inside and out. i tell her that if anyone in her life ever treats her poorly or any differently than she treats herself, that it's because they are not happy with themselves, and they are not practicing the self love i'm trying to instill early on in her and her sisters.

"teach your children that which you learned late" is a quote i read recently, and i can't remember where it came from. but it's spot on.

so i'm trying. every day.

she broke down crying the other night, "i hate COVID". "me too, kiddo. me too. but it was also the catalyst for a lot of good change". we talked about a lot of the changes in all of our lives lately. i also explained to her that the only constant in life is change, and that we have to flow with it. and that as long as we take care of ourselves and each other, we will come out just fine. we always have each other. she perked up after that.

just last night, she got sad and started crying, "i don't want you to get old, mommy". my response was, "girl, you better stop crying, mommy is still a kid, and we have a lot of living to do". that spiraled into how i don't want to wait until i'm old to do all the adventures.

"work hard, play hard" is thrown around a lot in this industry, and i have definitely done that, and still do. but these days, i no longer live to work--i work to live, and to love my girls, and give them every experience i can.

i explained to her that it's why i take them camping, and to festivals, and parks, and disney, and hiking in the mountains, and running, and all the things. life is happening NOW. not when we turn 60 and "retire". it is NOW. and these little girls are gonna live it NOW.

every change i've made since 2020 has been to better myself, in order to LIVE and love those girls as much as i can, and guide them the best way i know how.

i sat with rapeh in the driveway this afternoon before leaving to pick them up from school. i have never felt more peace and clarity and pure joy than i do these days. i know i am on the right path, and i'm doing the right things, and that they are going to be just fine. we all are.

here's to more adventures.