"If I Could Write A Letter To Me"

[edit] i got the internship i applied for in fayetteville. i’m going to be working as a web designer. i don’t know what exactly i will be doing but it’s a job with money and that’s the most important part. old self, BOO YAH. i’m not a complete and total failure. i start the 12th. [/edit]

that’s exactly what i did.

did any of your teachers in high school make you write letters to yourself that would be delivered 4 years down the line when you were intended to graduate college? i know a few teachers that made friends of mine do the same thing and i could not be more upset that i agreed to do so.

my letter came in the mail and my mom informed me of it last night when i got to her house. i was nervous, but still excited, to see what my dorky high school self said 4 years ago (not to say i’m not dorky anymore, because let’s face it, i’ll be dorky forever).

I HAVE NEVER FELT SO LET DOWN BY MY OWN SELF THAN I DID LAST NIGHT. stress on the “never”. i mean, i was the biggest goodie-two-shoes in the world when i was in high school and even through a few months of college for the most part. i’d never had a sip of alcohol, never smoked once in my life, never had a really serious boyfriend (i don’t consider my boyfriend senior year that serious seeing as how our relationship consisted of letters and him being in south korea the entire time), barely ever said a curse word, and i held on very much so to the V-card for longer than almost anyone i’ve ever been friends with. i think the worst things i did in high school were when 1) i took the car out to mcdonald’s when i had my learner’s permit (i was SO HUNGRY!!), 2) i snuck out of my mom’s house to go to my friend justin’s, and 3) i drank for the first time on my 18th birthday with my friends. the last one wasn’t even during high school–it was the summer after i graduated.

despite the fact that i was a brown-nosing goody-goody, i never made superb grades except for in the classes i actually liked, which (surprise, surprise) were my CS and math classes. and even then, i didn’t always do well. i just didn’t care by the time i got to 11th 10th grade. senioritis hit a few years early for me. actually, i admitted it in my letter and my exact words were:

it all boiled down to this day–May 22, 2004. you’ve made it, and you haven’t studied a lick! slacker. you have to get your ass in gear net year. you can’t slack off like this in college, or else you’ll never make it.

ohh, if the old me could see me now…

so in my letter, i was still dating my senior year boyfriend, shane. he was still in south korea and was coming home about a month after i wrote the letter so i was all nerved up. i kept saying in the letter how i was not made to be an army girlfriend and that i didn’t need to date anyone, ever while i was in college because it was too stressful and i would feel bad having fun while they were overseas. boy, LET’S JUST SAY I DIDN’T TAKE MY OWN ADVICE. i’m now dating said boyfriend’s ex-roommate… the roommate he was living with while he was in korea. funny how things turn out, right? i love you, adam, even if the old me thinks i’m stupid for it. :wink:

anyway, shane wanted to get engaged when he came home that may and i told him i didn’t want to. i was such a smart kid. :eek: i ended up breaking up with him a couple days after my 18th birthday. evidently that was a move i’d been planning since before i wrote this letter because i specifically said in the letter that i wanted to end it. i think i was a little late on the delivery.

now, my LAN/nerd/crazy friends that i practically lived with in king will get a kick out of this. i actually remember the day they put me up to this bet. in my letter i wrote:

i have a bet going that in 4 years, i won’t come out of App[alachian] completely corrupted. $1 with a whole lot of people. danny also got in on the bet last night when we went to monterrey’s. i’ll be alright. i hope you haven’t done anything really dumb. good lord. keep your head on your shoulders.

wow, i owe about 20 people $1. i mean, i’m not corrupted, but if you were one of those guys that knew me back then, and that knows me now, you would probably see not a complete 180°, but at least a solid 160°.

it was hard to keep myself from feeling like a giant pile of poo after reading the letter. i mean, i honestly think if the old me met me now, she would probably want to punch me in the face… HARD. she’d probably make me go to AA meetings (i was 100% against drinking in high school), and she’d probably call me a lot of not nice names without the use of a single swear word.

although, i’m pretty sure i’d give myself a giant high-five for still wearing the same pair of cammie-pants and retaining the reputation of “giant dork”. i guess some things will never change.