W: what was that noise?
B: i tried to barp while going over the railroad tracks.
B: did i just say barp?
W: what the hell is barp??
B: it sounds like burp, but rhymes with larp, but they are completely unrelated. you can burp while you larp, but NEVER larp while you burp…
W: you’re retarded. it sounds like burp and fart mixed together.
B: that is the perfect definition! it’s when you furt and burp within 5 seconds of each other.
B: I AM SO GOOD AT THIS! it’s like the wikipedia of stupidity! you can only furt when you fart within 5 seconds of burping, and you can only barp when you burp within 5 seconds of farting… i’m going to try this later.
W: please, don’t.
B: and if it happens while i’m at work, [insert coworker’s name] is just going to have to deal with it.
W: oh my god. i’m getting out of the car. bye.
B: i love you, too.
W: what? i said bye.
B: i think i might have syphilis.
B: did you give me syphilis?
W: i love you. bye.
if today is leaning in this direction already without alcohol, i hate to see what this evening will bring.