i got lots of sleep, got my stuff at wal-mart, had a beautiful drive back to boone, went to work, hung out with jill & made her a neon pink duct tape wallet like the one i made for me last week, went to wal-mart again and found the shirt i ruined in the laundry this summer that was my favorite shirt ever for $8 so i bought 2 in different colors, cleaned up my apartment and put my new apple and mango candles up (smells sooo good), and went to the tech. support basketball game to watch everyone play. now i’m relaxing listening to alison krauss wishing it was this weekend all over again.
i’m still in a bum mood from leaving fort bragg last night. i hate this feeling because i’m butterflies and all smiles and god it’s the most amazing feeling ever when i’m there. and then i leave and i want to kick myself because after my first military relationship i always said i’d never do it again because saying bye for different lengths of time is so hard… and now i’ve found everything i’ve ever wanted and more and it’s 10000000x harder than it was back then. i’m getting spoiled because i’ve seen adam every weekend for the past month or so, and pretty soon he’s going to georgia for 5 weeks and i won’t see him at all. and since he re-enlisted, he’s going to be all over the place in the future for much longer than 5 weeks. i’ve gone 6 months at a time but feelings i had then are infinitely different than the ones i’ve got for this kid.
it just boggles my mind how fast everything has happened and how different this is from every other relationship i’ve ever had. i’ve never had one where i felt mutual respect and companionship. i believe it when he says “i love you” and i don’t question it like in other relationships i’ve had. even when he doesn’t say it and i still know it because there is so much affection and i don’t know how to put it into words. that song by billy currington “must be doing something right” hits the nail on the head in the first verse and i don’t know if adam’s ever heard it or not but it’s the truth… and i’d tell him he was full of shit if he said he didn’t know what he was doing ’cause everything is always at the right time. it just fits and it feels right and i feel like i belong there rather than feeling like a burden like i used to. it still makes my head spin when i realize how lucky i am. like this weekend before i left, we just sat in my car talking about everything and what we’re going to do this summer and living together and life in general. everything just comes out naturally and comfortably without any boundaries or awkwardness. the feeling i get when he tells me i’m beautiful even when i just woke up or have been crying or don’t have make up on hits me like a wall still because hearing that still catches me offguard. obviously, i never met the right people in the past because i’m not with them anymore but this is a whole new world for me and i can’t quit going on about it because i’m still trying to sort out all these thoughts in my mind. every day spent with him brings new experiences and feelings and stronger feelings so it’s… ugh. it’s just unbelievable and i develop a studder and ramble on about all the stuff popping into my brain.
i just wanna go back there!!
easter is this weekend, so is my dad’s birthday, and it’s a 4-day weekend so i get to see all the friends and family. i’m excited because i miss everyone in king and back home. i hopefully will get to see liz and ben and sass and everyone at thomas’s. and sunday i’ll see the family. i haven’t seen my dad and stepmom in quite a while. or my grandparents. i miss everyone. the only thing i don’t miss, however, is their criticism. whenever i go home to see everyone i get 20+ questions and then i get ragged on for the way i choose to live my life it seems so hopefully, things will go smoothly, and i won’t get fed up with it all and feel like leaving.
i need to go to the grocery store. i’ve been sitting here eating a salad for dinner and that’s so not acceptable. i have to spend $300 and some change on my mealcard by may 2 and uh… it looks like i’ll have to take tech. support to broyhill or something in order for that to happen. lunch, anyone? market? dinner? breakfast?
i’m almost willing to put a bet on whether or not someone will leave a comment saying “stop complaining” but if that happens, whoever does it can shove it up their ass.