i was so tempted to take all my CISSP study materials (except the ones that are borrowed) and throw them into a giant pile and light it on fire. until i remembered the little tid bit where i don’t know if i passed yet, so in the event that i bombed that hellacious exam, i might need those materials one day down the road.

i took 5 hours to take it (you could take up to 6). the format is 250 multiple choice questions. the last 1 and a half-ish hours were spent filling in bubbles and going over the questions that i saved for later. the ones that made me go cross-eyed.

in all seriousness, that was the hardest exam i’ve ever taken in my life, and i very truly *never* want to take it again. the next few weeks of waiting are going to drive me nuts. at least it’s over, and out of my hands.

the whole event in itself was kind of fun, though. there were like… 40 people? ish? i’m not good at ball-parking a room full of people but that’s my guess. there were 5-6 guys from work in there. there were a few younger people, but i’m gonna go out on a limb and say i was the youngest one in there. there were 4 females, including myself. surprise, surprise, right? i was definitely the only individual wearing bright pink.

also, the guy behind me was a total mouth-breather. just sayin’. makes it kind of hard to concentrate.

2 of the exam proctors were guys from work, as well, so that made it a bit more comfortable. after it was over, the overall consensus was, “my head hurts, i need a beer,” so 5 of us went to buffalo wild wings and had a few much-needed (and hard-earned!) cold beers.

my evening was followed up by watching UFC 111 with friends. i could not think of a better way to spend the afternoon/evening after a 5-hour braindump. actually, that’s a lie. had brett been there to celebrate with me, it would’ve been better.

also, apologies for the ridiculous amount of UFC-related tweets last night. i got kind of excited over the main event. for the record, i think it was an awesome fight. and i know 1 person in particular who will 100% disagree with me. i’m sure many others do too, but i don’t think GSP had anything to be unhappy about (and definitely nothing to apologize for). *i thought* it was a fun fight to watch. i’m glad it didn’t end with a 1st round submission, and i’m glad he didn’t try to rip hardy’s arm off. i kind of didn’t want either of them to lose (as dumb as that sounds) because i like both of them. i’m happy it went to decision, despite the fact that there wasn’t much of a “decision” by the end of the 5th round.

i haven’t felt really, *seriously* stressed out in… a long time. like since before i graduated from college. it’s been a while. i kind of decided stressing out was doing more harm than good, and talked myself out of it gradually (gradually being a huge understatement). all it did was make me feel like crap, make me stop eating (except for chocolate), and make my face break out.

there are exceptions, and those fall into the my-work-is-really-on-the-line-and-i’m-freaking-out category. luckily, i haven’t hit that point.

being stressed sucks.

but here i am… stressed out. i don’t really know why–brett is fine over there in africa, and i’m doing okay here. other than the fact that my cat may have broken his leg about an hour ago.

i think the CISSP is stressing me out–mostly because it’s $550 out of my pocket if i fail it. i think that’s worth stressing over, just a tid bit.

however, none of this even remotely comes close to how badly i used to stress out.

so why am i having ridiculous nightmares? why haven’t i slept a single night all the way through since he left? granted, some of those nights i’ve been woken up by the animals running a muck around the apartment (i seriously thought someone broke in last night, until i realized thor had just thrown the entire contents of my purse onto the floor), but this is not normal for me. i usually sleep like a rock.

i’ve been waking up every hour of every night.

and the nightmares? i don’t remember what half of them are about. you know that feeling you get after you’ve had a really bad dream, and you wake up feeling really strange? like you know it was a bad dream but you can’t exactly put it all together? every morning has been like that. i hate that feeling.

i do remember one dream, though, and i was all kinds of upset/freaked out when i woke up. i don’t know where we were or what we were doing but brett was there, and we were walking along, and all of a sudden he turned into a fish. but i didn’t seem to notice that he was a fish. i mean, i *knew* he was a fish, because i had to carry him around in my hand, but the fact that he was a fish and not a human did not matter in my dream. i don’t really know what that means, nor do i want to. anyway, he was a fish. i was carrying him around. and then he died. DIED. while he was sitting in my hands. his eyeballs were on the ground. he like… fell apart in my dream. it was completely disgusting.

all i know is, i will be glad when he is home and this exam is over with. i am very fortunate if those are the only things that i can think of that would be stressing me out right now. still, i’d like the creepy fish dreams to stop.

i know i gripe a lot about not being in boone anymore, and how i vaguely hate living down here in charleston. i think part of it is a little homesickness, coupled with the stark realization that i’m not in college anymore, and even if i did live in boone again, it wouldn’t be exactly the same.

the truth is, it’s not all bad down here. it’s especially not bad when it’s 72 degrees outside, not a cloud in the sky, and the beach is a short 15 miles away.

that is how i spent my saturday afternoon–basking in the sun at folly beach, bojangle’s in hand, desperately trying to concentrate on studying. my CISSP exam is the 27th (less than a week away, someone pinch me) and i have GOT to keep up with my studying. i’m doing okay, but saturday was far too gorgeous to stay inside with my nose in a book.

i compromised.

for 2.5 hours.

aaand then i went to red’s ice house with friends and had my very first jagerbomb. and fried oysters. mmm… oysters.

spring is finally here, and it is beautiful. after the daylight saving time change last weekend, i can feel my mood slowly perking back up. i can feel myself becoming more energized. it’s invigorating.

i can also feel the allergies kicking in full speed ahead. since i was little, i’ve tried claritin, allegra, and now i’ve started taking zyrtec (actually, it’s an off brand that’s basically the exact same pill). so far, nothing is working. allergies here are hitting me much harder than in the mountains. it’s safe to say that i’ve gone through several bottles of nose spray, boxes of kleenex, bottles of eyedrops, and i’ve woken myself up at least a dozen times snoring within the past week.

of course, it doesn’t help when i let the cat on the back porch. did you know cats enjoy rolling around in pollen?

i think it’s safe to say i’ve found at least one culprit for my sneeze attacks.

i started off studying for the CISSP in a very unorganized manner–just reading through materials haphazardly, hoping and praying that some of it would stick as i went along. then i came to my senses and realized it is divided into 10 domains for a reason.

for the past several days, i’ve been reading and re-reading the SANS CISSP booklet for the first domain–access control. i’ve listened to the lectures, and i re-played the chunk on kerberos about 7 times just this afternoon (nightmare). i made diagrams. i made about 50 flash cards. after all that, i’ve been completing the practice quizzes on domain 1 at an 80% rate or higher. this is not to say i’ve mastered access control, because i am nowhere near that point. but i’m very comfortable with it, and that’s a good start. i think tomorrow i will move on to domain 2 after doing a couple more quizzes.

thank you to everyone who has been giving me study tips and materials–i really appreciate it.

perhaps when i get reimbursed for the exam, i can buy a round of alcoholic beverages for all of you. and myself. lord knows i’m gonna need it afterward.

since i sat down this morning, i’ve been listening to lectures (i acquired some very helpful training lectures in MP3 format), going over practice quizzes, and doing my best imitation of a sponge. the lectures are from a SANS CISSP course, and they are amazing. aside from the fact that it’s like… over 40 hours of lecturing. i got through almost 4 today. it’s still much better than reading, and the guy doing the training is excellent.

i am NOT substituting reading with the lectures, by any means. i’ve got the SYBEX book, CISSP for dummies, shon harris, ISC2‘s official guide… i have too many books. i used the SYBEX book for my CISSP/Sec+ class in college–it’s easy to read and i’ve read most of it already. shon harris’s book is the one everyone raves about, and a lot of people said the CISSP for dummies was all they used. i’m kind of stuck. and the lecturer stressed how it’s not always a good idea to use so many books because they might have different information from what ISC2 currently uses. the ISC2 book itself is NOT an easy read.

i also have the pass4sure test bank of practice questions, which is over 2300 questions. plus the practice quizzes from the lectures. plus smaller study guides containing key points from each domain.

i think i’m set on material. my boss came by and dumped even MORE books on me today, which i have not listed, because i’ve just given up on those. i need to pick 2 and stick with them. and the lectures. seriously–a godsend. i’m going to burn them to a CD and listen to it in my car. that man’s voice is going to haunt my dreams by the end of march.

and i know this post’s title stresses how good of a day it has been. the lectures are actually kind of fun (i’m aware of how dorky that sounds), but today was also the day my TAX RETURN got deposited into my bank account. i really needed to replenish my savings after paying for the exam ($550) and the dental work ($700+), so a load has been lifted. and replaced with a nice chunk of change.

something else spectacular happened today, which i am not going to write about until it is a done deal. it will be soon, however, and i could not be more excited. i do not want to jinx myself.

PLUS… UFC 109 is tomorrow. and the super bowl, of course, is sunday. i’m counting on lots of celebrating, lots of sleeping in, and steak. and i’d REALLY like a whiskey sour tonight.

oh, and my resume/portfolio can now be found at www.WhitneyPowell.com. i splurged a bit with my tax return and dropped 10 bucks on a domain. finally.