What Is Love... Baby Don't Hurt Me...

cue night at the roxbury music

W: dude! i just looked at that truck and it said 53′ on the side of it, and THEN we passed mile marker 53! jesus is playing tricks on us!

B: yea… jesus already played a trick on you, babe.

why am i with him again?

drives by a prius

B: pfft… you think you’re special with your prius hybrid… oh look, i’m good for the environment… i’m special!

W: you drive a gas-guzzling ESCALADE!

B: LOOK… i’m amurican… and i drive like an amurican!

W: let me out. now.

B: not yet, ’cause you still got work to do.

W: excuse me?

B: you gotta bear me some chirrens [childrens], woman.

when the day comes and i bear him his chirrens, i hope to god they become figure skaters and despise football. just to spite him.

then he left me this in my bathroom. no, it’s not a turd.

B: you just got favre’d!

both laughing, me a little pissed, mostly because he’d been making fun of me ALL DAY

W: you know, this is going to all bottle up, and one day, i’m just going to explode. IN YOUR FACE.

tries his best to not laugh and then nearly dies, i start yelling at him

B: I’M SORRY! i’m sorry! but… EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE!

W: i hate you.

pathetic sympathy hug

B: and i’m sorry you fell down the front porch stairs.

then i slammed the door on him

i hope there are other couples who do this. and by “this” i mean “pick on your girlfriend constantly”.