Too Out Of Order To Name

the last 3 weeks have been so busy that i have almost completely avoided being on my personal laptop at home, which doesn’t happen often. on the drive home from work, i had all these things that i wanted to get out of my head and into writing, and now i can’t think of any of them except loki’s updates. which i guess is the most important one right now anyway.

the bad news is, the palladia pills she has been on for the last 7ish weeks didn’t work. i’m kind of glad we found out now rather than 6 months down the line. either way, huge disappointment. more tears on my end. more needles on hers.

the good news is, there are apparently a lot of cancer pills for dogs, and that’s just one of them. so on wednesday she got her new prescription. i don’t have the bottle in front of me right now and i can’t remember what it’s called, but she takes 1 dose every 3 weeks. the vet said that instead of targeting certain receptors (like the palladia), it targets quickly multiplying/dividing/whatever cells (ie. her tumor). so… she goes back to the vet in a couple weeks to get poked again. meanwhile, i keep feeling on her face every day hoping for a miracle. and giving her lots of hugs. it’s been 2 days since she had her first dose and so far, no side effects.

i can’t say enough how happy i am that she ate all the awful shit she has eaten in her lifetime. it has given her an iron stomach for pills that, according to everything i’ve read, are supposed to tear her a new one. there was one week in college when i was so broke and hadn’t been grocery shopping in far too long, had no dog food left, and all that was left in the fridge was that hillshire farm sliced ham, peanut butter, and jelly. loki and i ate nothing but PB&J and ham for the whole week. but it would’ve sucked a lot more if i didn’t have loki to slum it with.

other than loki’s unhappy news, everything else has been moving right along. my mom closed on her new house down here, and this baby bump just keeps getting bigger and more uncomfortable.

we did find a pediatrician that we both like. brett and i went to meet him on monday. he’s nice and he’s not creepy, so he’s already the opposite of the pediatrician i had growing up. the only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was hearing the breastfeeding speech about 2 minutes into our visit after i had just told the nurse that i was not going to breastfeed. afterward brett kept saying, “they probably have to tell everyone that.” yes, to some extent, because i’m sure not every woman has heard the pros and cons. but if you’re talking to pregnant woman who’s regularly been going to an OB/GYN (one that their office knows very well), don’t you think she’s heard this speech once or 20 times so far? anyway, it’s his job. i look like i belong on teen mom. we’ve met once. he might just think i’m an idiot.

no new preggo side effects since the last post. the rib pain has dwindled and has turned into genuine discomfort. it just feels really hard to breathe now. like there’s not enough room for my lungs in there anymore. especially after eating anything bigger than a handful. i get dizzy a lot more often. i don’t have sharp pains as much as i have this weird burning tingly sensation under my ribs. not heartburn, because i’ve had that before, and this is a totally different feeling. it’s strange.

the baby kicks so much that it feels like she’s having seizures in there. all. the. time. when i’ve just eaten. when i haven’t eaten. when i’m laying down. when i’m on the computer. it just doesn’t stop. i don’t think she sleeps.

i’ve quit asking the doctor all these questions, because apparently everything is normal. so i’m just gonna go with it at this point.

the week after next will be the last chance i have to leave south carolina for a while. i’m going to raleigh for the week to take my next red hat training course. i’m really excited about it, and also not so excited because i know taking a 6-7 hour practical exam is going to suuuck when just sitting in a chair for that long is uncomfortable. if i’m not too wiped after the exam, i’ll be driving to my dad’s house for our baby shower the next day that he and my stepmom are throwing us. they’re getting a keg for our baby shower, and my mom is making rainbow cupcakes.

i can’t think of many more things that would make me happier than watching brett and some of my closest friends and family getting drunk at my baby shower while i chow down on rainbow cupcakes. seriously.