too much shit going on in my head

ridiculous weekend, but lots of fun. stephen, anthony, hunter, james, jerry, chunk, everyone involved~ thanks for taking care of me. sort of. haha. ugh.

stephen, anthony, hunter, and i sat and did absolutely nothing all day sunday due to all of us being hungover. all day… sat in front of the TV and talked. i’ve not talked to my friends completely open like that in god knows how long aside from adam, and it felt great to just not give a shit about anything. but it also brought up a bunch of stuff i hadn’t thought about in a while, and for good reason. so… as a result, i felt like crap driving home sunday night. it didn’t help that my phone died when adam called so i was a little upset about that since we hadn’t talked in over a week, and the rents were upset when i was finally able to use my phone. anyway, i had a bit of a breakdown in the car on the way home. i guess i just was doing a really good job of putting things in the past that needed to stay in the past and bringing it all out again was a bit too much to think about.

today started out fine besides the fact that i locked myself out of my bedroom on accident. i had a great day up until classes were out. some people that i have to be around on a fairly regular basis tend to be major assholes and generally it’s the same person every time i get upset. to this person, the only thing i’d really like to say is that i’m glad i don’t have to be around you every day because you sure know how to make a person feel like shit. i hope someone dishes it all back out to you one day. you deserve it.

i’ve been a hermit the remainder of the night in my room on the computer with loki. this kind of sucks. i wish i could get sleepy because i’d rather not sit here and dwell on all this shit. it drives me insane.

corey, your song is playing on repeat and it has been for about an hour now. somehow it’s comforting tonight, and although i’ve been crying, i know you’re here. i know you understand this feeling, and i miss you a lot. i brought a picture of us home from my mom’s this weekend and i’m going to frame it and hang it up. i can’t stop thinking about you. my mom told me that your parents were coming to visit sometime soon, and i don’t know how to react to that. i want to see them, but i know i won’t know what to say. i wish i could talk to you. maybe i’ll have another dream about you and it’ll all seem okay again like last time. that was the strangest feeling i’ve ever felt in my life. i’ve never been religious, but i know you’re there, and i know you’re talking to me. just let me get my head on straight tonight. i can’t keep doing this.

adam, i’m glad you got your valentine. i hope i get to talk to you on or before wednesday. maybe you’ll get your package on valentine’s day. i miss you so much. this keeps getting harder!! staying strong though. i know you’re alright. please be careful. i love youuu! :heart: