Unplug Your Damn Toaster

i think it’s kind of funny how my parents’ habits i griped about as a kid are the ones that recently saved my apartment from BURNING TO THE GROUND.

really–i’m not kidding.

one day, when i was probably 6 or 7, i left the light on in my bedroom closet. it was not the first time, or the last. i could practically hear my mom yelling at me seconds before it even happened, knowing good and well what she was going to start yelling about. not that i cared, because what kid that ages cares about, or understands, the importance of conserving energy? or minimizing an electric bill? before i even got a word in, she told me to come home and turn it off. so i had to leave my best friend becky’s house, walk stomp all the way down the street, go upstairs, and turn off my closet light. words can’t express how mad i was.

she’s always been the same way about turning lights off, and unplugging everything, and turning the A/C off. that’s just the way she is, and that’s something i picked up sometime after i opened my first electric bill this summer. let’s just say–i get it now.

so i leave all my kitchen and bathroom appliances unplugged unless they’re being used. i leave the A/C off while i’m at work. i leave the lights off except for a couple lamps. since then, my electric bill decreased significantly. WHO KNEW?

ANYWAY, bottom line–brett and i had company this weekend. a couple of our friends came to visit. one of which decided to get blackout drunk. so drunk, in fact, that he couldn’t come out to the bar with us saturday night. we left him at home while we went to halligans, a bar a few miles away. i played designated driver saturday night while they drank and played pool because, evidently, whiskey doesn’t sit well when you’ve already had 2 glasses of wine. i stopped drinking hours earlier. MY BAD, stomach. my bad.

we came home and were pleasantly surprised to find him passed out on the couch, and the apartment, and the animals, were in tact. and then i glanced at the toaster oven.

he had taken one of my three cheese ziti marinara smart one’s (still in the black plastic tray) from the freezer, placed it in a NON-MICROWAVEABLE PLASTIC DISH, and put it in the toaster oven. not before seasoning it with ground mustard (omg, gross), garlic pepper, and whatever else was in the spice cabinet. i’m guessing he just passed out while waiting for it to “cook”, which didn’t happen, thanks to my mother, because i always leave the toaster oven unplugged. luckily, in his drunken stupor, he didn’t notice. i’m fairly certain the non-microwaveable plastic dish would’ve turned into a hot, melted mess and caught fire by the time we returned home.

thank you, mom–there’s one more horror story to add to your collection.