So Much For That

so, jill was right. she IMed me yesterday asking where on the site she could place bets for how long the site would be down. jill, you suck.

i need someplace to vent and if it allows my obsessive compulsiveness to run wild, then so be it. right now, i don’t give a damn about anything.

this week has been freaking horrible. i had an amazing weekend that i got to spend with friends and daniel and he even took me out to eat for our 4-month anniversary. why am i in such a depressed, shitty mood? here. this is what being a woman will do to you… DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR COMPLAINING. or if you don’t like hearing the word PMS.

PMS. premenstrual syndrome. IT SUCKS! it’s screwing with my head beyond all reason. every month during the week before that wonderful little visitor, my brain goes absolutely apeshit. this month apparently decided to be worse and i don’t really know why. maybe it’s because i’ve had a lot on my mind lately and valentine’s day is coming up along with the trip to georgia and i’ve been stressing myself out worrying about how crappy i think i’ll look on spring break in a bathing suit. WHO KNOWS! but i’ve felt like ass the entire week. every single minute of the day i’m on the verge of tears, and the littlest thing will just set them streaming. i don’t know if i’m bitchy to people because i’m too busy being depressed or getting panic attacks. the cramps are an added bonus, too! last night i had ski class and i could not ski because they were so bad, so i had to call daniel who had already taken a shower and got ready for bed and he still came and picked me up. i love him to death. mike informed me about an hour ago that daniel sounded pissed when he had to come get me last night. he was joking, but it still put me in the worst mood ever because somewhere in the back of my head a little voice is telling me that daniel was probably pissed at me and i suck at life. and that brings us to where i am now. i’m sitting in my dorm room being mad at myself for being a douchebag with a fucked up brain (excuse my french) and for being such a pain in the ass girlfriend.

i went to the psychiatric counseling place on campus yesterday and the lady said that i need to go to a medical doctor instead. this will most likely lead to being put on the pill which is not something i really want to do but if it will make my head work even the smallest amount better then i guess it’s worth it. i’d rather take a pill everyday than drive myself and my boyfriend insane with my ungodly horrible mood swings. being like this is the worst feeling ever and i’ll do anything to get rid of it.

mom, don’t freak out… and don’t send a thousand e-mail forwards. thanks. i just need something to get me out of this shitty mood and fix my insane hormones.

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