seasonal depression, perhaps?

i think it’s picking back up again, or maybe that time of the month is around the corner. who knows, i don’t care, it’s driving me nuts, and i don’t like it.

i’m about to kill the dog. i’m not kidding. i just gave her the ass kicking of her lifetime. she ran out the door and wouldn’t come back in. 1) it’s cold as shit outside, 2) i had pajamas on and had just taken a shower, 3) i get in trouble if she’s out without a leash, and 4) she doesn’t listen worth a damn and there’s no getting her back in unless you tackle her to the ground and don’t let go of her until you shut, lock, and deadbolt the door behind you. she’s sweet about 25% of the time, and the other 75% she’s a royal pain in the ass. i feel bad about keeping her in a cage so i let her roam free when i’m home, and then she goes buck wild, starts running laps around the apartment running into things and knocking them over, and today she ripped up a pillow and chewed up my jacket while i took a nap. it wasn’t even on the floor. she pulled it out of my closet. i’m at my wits end for the night and i am seriously wondering how much longer i’m going to be able to put up with her.

adam called on saturday while we were in ohio. it was awesome hearing from him and i wish our conversation could’ve been in better spirits but that’s the way it goes in this situation i guess. he got his orders for when he comes home from iraq and he leaves for italy in march. 3 years. there are a lot of questions bombarding me right now about what he and i are going to do. airplane tickets are expensive and i don’t like thinking about what it’ll be like to see him 2 weeks every 6 months for the next 3 years. i know that no matter what situation he and i get put in, i’m not going to give up on it because i’m in love with him and i’m not going to let the army rip us apart. quite frankly, italy is better than iraq and fayetteville. i loved living there this summer but if i were him and i had been stuck there for that long, i’d want to get out too at some point. i suppose there is some traveling in my future. i only have a year and a half left of school. we’ll see where we wind up. i miss you, adam. less than 2 months. it’s already been 3. i hope it doesn’t drag on.

i have to do stats homework and i should study for it and business law and biology but right now i can hardly keep myself from falling apart. i took a 6 hour nap this afternoon thinking it’d make me feel better. i woke up not sore anymore but i feel like i’m fighting to keep myself from bursting into tears for absolutely no reason. i’ve had my exercise for today, i ate good food, i got sleep, i don’t understand.

i wish you were here. :sad: