Life is Good

today was the 2nd of 2 days of running OpenSOC at Grayhat. our event went off incredibly smoothly, we had a great turnout, and everyone seemed to have an awesome time, with minimal stress. success all around.

i've had solid workouts every day this week, which has helped immensely lately. i notice a significant difference when i go more than 2 days without it. sometimes it's necessary, or unavoidable, even. but it has effects. i'm thankful that i'm able to work from home and just walk downstairs when i need to put in the time.

brett was supposed to pick up the girls this afternoon and take them to dinner and home, but he called me in the middle of the day to tell me that the neighbors' house went up in flames and he was going to stay and help them. there are 3 navy guys who live across the street, and at least one of them smokes. they think the fire started on the side of the house near the trash can where he tosses his cigarette butts, and they've assumed that's how it started. the exterior is pretty much destroyed and the upstairs interior is wiped out. i'm not sure about the rest. no one got hurt, none of their pets got hurt, but it's still so scary to think about. i'm thankful the girls weren't around to see it--i know it would've only shaken them and raised dozens of questions. caylin hasn't even seen it yet, only heard about it, and she's already worked up.

so i picked up the girls from school. they all wore their halloween costumes today. ella is going as spidergirl, zoey as bo peep, and caylin as pua the pig from moana. they all picked their own a month or so ago, and i was completely surprised that they didn't all try to be elsa. miracle.

we met my mom for dinner--we ate at a new-ish mexican restaurant and sat outside. it was 75 degrees and beautiful today, so it was the perfect night for it. it was a struggle to get them to actually sit and eat because 3-years-old. but that's the norm these days. trying to do anything without twin fights getting in the way is just plain exhausting. and ella has been at her worst lately. incredibly stubborn and argumentative, and the whining almost never stops if she's unhappy. zoey is snuggly and pretty easy going, but she will cry/get upset at just about anything also. so sensitive. caylin has been an amazing big sister lately, gotta hand it to her. she tries so hard, but sometimes it makes it worse, and that's even tougher to explain.

my patience is nonexistent. still. but i've been consciously trying to work on that lately. they're 3, and it will pass, like all the other phases. there's no use getting so worked up some days, and i'm sure my blood pressure will thank me for it. but man... it's hard when they're at their worst, and fighting and whining about literally everthing that comes between them. i just don't remember "no" being so hard for caylin to grasp. at least, definitely not this bad. maybe it's just amplified because it's literally multiplied by 2. i don't know.

i'm trying hard to let go of the things that are out of my control. i've started trying to take time out of every day to pause and actively think about those things, and talk myself through them. it's a work in progress, but the fact that i'm forcing myself to do it is a start.

i've cut out 90% or more of my drinking since june. it's nice not waking up with a headache or fog. i've been sleeping more, instead of burning myself out at both ends. as i mentioned, my workouts have been great. i bought a ruck sack and a 20# weight and have been going to the cooper river bridge. i took the girls twice, and caylin ran half of it with me for one of those. i went once alone this week and ran the whole way. i've been taking myself to sunset dinners to people watch and take in the charleston views, and caylin and i still go get our nails done every so often. i've gotten 3 tattoos, started practicing with my bow again, started going back to tumbling classes, and am trying to get in the habit of doing yoga. i'm taking better care of myself mentally, and trying to be nicer to myself. more forgiving, and uplifting, instead of talking down to myself, body shaming.

i've been feeling better lately than i have in years. and i'm grateful that i've been able to make progress.

it's friday, my girls are upstairs snuggled up in bed, this week was amazing, i'm on my couch in sweatpants with a drink, and thor is curled up next to me. tomorrow is halloween--i'm making cinnamon waffles for breakfast, we're going to my mom's for lunch, doing halloween with the neighbors tomorrow night, and having hot cocoa here after.

life is good <3