this year has been... a decade. even longer for those less fortunate. so much has happened, and while i hate seeing what's going on in our world and in our country, crises everywhere, i am grateful for a lot of things in my life.

i haven't written in nearly a year, and even before that it was far less than i'd hoped. by year 3 when i had caylin, i'd written monthly. the twins are 3 now and i've barely written 3 times in the last 2 years.

i want to change that, because i want to take time to be grateful.

i'm grateful that i have a job during a global pandemic and i'm able to care for my kids and home.

i'm grateful that i get to see their faces every day and soak up as much time as possible with them.

i'm grateful that i'm stronger now than i have been in a long time, and i can be a better me for them because of it.

i'm grateful to have people in my life who see me, who i can connect with, who i can trust, and who encourage growth.

i've been taking care of myself in new ways lately--a lot of reflection, more necessary down time, and a lot of reading. i'm trying to let go of things that i can't control, worry less, enjoy more. i'm trying to love ME, actually love me, after 34 years of self hate.

i'm trying to find me again. and day by day, i can feel it all happening. it's an amazing feeling.

all this to say, 2020 has been a lot of bad, a lot of extremes, but i'm eternally grateful for what i've taken from it.