i can’t tell if it gets easier or more difficult when i get to talk to adam. he called today, and it was awesome. we talked for probably 20-30 minutes, or that’s what it seemed like. it was nice to have an entire conversation that ended in “i love you” rather than getting cut off. gah. this is so… so, so hard. i keep telling myself he’ll be home in september and maybe, just maybe, if i keep that mindset, he’ll come home early. i hope to god they don’t send him back in december. i think i’ll shoot myself if another long deployment comes up. i can’t even begin to describe how emotionally draining this is. every time i get upset about it, it’s like something just goes off in my head, and it hits me like it did the night after he left. like… “he’s really not here”. and i have so many months to go. this is not the ideal situation for any relationship and i pride myself on making it this far without screwing up and that even includes when we lived together. this whole thing… iraq, fuck iraq, this is just so, so hard. i miss you. come home. now. please. i wouldn’t give a shit about anything else in the world. jhiewg;haohguae;rga :grr: