First Day Woes

first… the back story:

today was my first day at my “new job”. i say “new job” because i will pretty much be doing what i’ve done every day for the past year, only under a different title and a different pay check. i was previously a contractor. now i work directly for the government. k? k.

SO… i went into “orientation” this morning with high hopes of this being a rather smooth process. mostly because i’ve had a year of practice dealing with government shenanigans since being a contractor. turns out, i’ve seen nothing. so i don’t really know why it came as a surprise to me when i had an entire notebook full of forms to fill out, in addition to the 33 i came prepared with this morning.

first of all, i forgot my passport. BIG, fat mistake. huge mistake. i walked into the badge office and walked up to the woman checking everyone in. the first thing she asked was if i had my passport. at 8AM, the day had already gotten off to a rough start. lucky for me, brett also has magical stickers on his car that allowed him to drive on base and bring me my passport when i called and woke him up yelling at him BRING ME MY PASSPORT IT IS IN MY FILE CABINET HURRY WAKE UP DAMN IT TO HELL. i sat in the parking lot and patiently waited for him. i owe him one. several, actually.

after i got my passport, i met back up with the rest of the new hires. paperwork went smoothly until i went back to the badge office for… uhm, more paperwork.

as it turns out, someone was supposed to process my paperwork a month ago that would allow me to have my fingerprints made this morning. that did not happen, and as a result, i spent a half an hour running between buildings on base trying to get a half a dozen signatures and forms filled out. i wouldn’t have minded this nearly as much if i hadn’t already done this… a month ago. go figure.

i finally got that squared away. i went back to the badge office and was able to get my fingerprints done. i was then mocked for not being able to reach the fingerprint machine. they continued to mock me after realizing that i was actually wearing heels. i was so not in the mood for short jokes this morning.

i got my badge. they screwed up my badge. i did not find this out until i was on the way to lunch, so after lunch i had to go back to the badge office. this is like.. trip #4?? i don’t remember. i got a new badge. lucky for me, they did not make me take another picture. let’s just say… bad hair day. bad make up day. bad photo day.

i went back to my lab (and my new badge actually worked! and let me into my building! and into my lab! relief!) to find one of the guys in charge of distributing new laptops (yay, new laptop!) but he was not there. surprise! so i ran around and got more signatures. filled out more paperwork. signatures. paperwork. etc, etc. i picked the wrong day to wear heels.

a group of the new hires had a meeting at 3 to go over some things so i drove over to the building it was supposed to be in. i got lost in said building and by the time i finally found the right conference room, i had already asked 3 people and a janitor for help. and consulted a map twice.

i walked up to the conference room and put my face close to the door and heard voices. i could barely see through the blinds, so i smushed my face up against the window thinking i could see better that way? that did not help, but it did entertain the people on the inside of the room. who actually COULD see my face smushed up against the window. that wasn’t embarrassing at all… :grr:

it was a quick meeting. i crammed my 89523532 forms into my laptop bag and headed for the exit, only to realize it was absolutely POURING outside. i mean it was coming down in buckets. i had no umbrella. my laptop bag is not waterproof (but it only had papers in it, not a laptop, thank god). i thought about stealing a garbage bag until i realized how ridiculous i would look rummaging through the garbage stealing their garbage bags.

i decided to make a run for it. i slipped off my heels (smart move), clutched my bag, and RAN. i don’t run in public… like… ever. not kidding. if i ever had a phobia, that would be it. and i was in no condition to be running in the clothes i was wearing. i rounded a corner, and i’ll be damned if there wasn’t a group of 7 or 8 navy men. right there. in front of me. there i was… soaking wet, in the parking lot, in the rain, barefoot, hauling ass waddling in a black pencil skirt. in front of a group of grown men. HUMILIATION.

tomorrow has GOT to be better.