Crossfit, Take Two

i started crossfit again back in the first week of march. i’ve been pretty good about working out lately on my own (nike training club has helped me, by far, more than any other exercise routine i’ve ever tried), but i need someone or something to push me further. i want to not feel like crap on a weekly basis. i want to be pushed and motivated and driven to be better. i want to sweat more and feel accomplished afterwards. i need people to hold me accountable.

so i signed up at different gym this time. it’s right down the street from work, and i have a few friends who have been going there for years. they swore by the coaches, so i gave it a shot.

i started with the fundamentals classes (required, and i’m glad they are, don’t need to get hurt). the fundamentals course meant going 3x a week at 7:30 after work. not an ideal time since i live like 35-40 minutes away, and usually leave work at 430-5… not 7. not being able to put caylin to bed really sucked, but it was only for 3 weeks. the classes were small and the coaches, katie and robert, are amazing.

then, in no time, the fundamentals classes were over. i’m still getting the hang of everything again (it has been about 4 years since my last crossfit classes, after all), even after a month of real classes. i’m still awkward and uncoordinated, but getting better every day.

i have been going weekdays at 6AM (unless i sleep through my alarm and hit up a make up class). i usually go MT-RF and don’t go on wednesdays, just so there’s a break mid week, but otherwise, i’ve been good about going every day. wake up at 5:15, get dressed, drive to daniel island, work out, and i’m at work by 7. shower and start my day.

no one is more shocked than i am, that i have woken up at 5:15 for 4 weeks in a row. i haven’t done this since high school. it’s been over a decade since 5am was a regular wakeup time. that i have actually done it and not wussed out. that i have showered for weeks at work (which, is SO weird but i’m getting used to it).

my day starts more than 2 hours earlier, which means i get more done earlier, which means significantly less time stuck in traffic, which means even more time being productive. home earlier, more time with caylin and brett, more time relaxing instead of rushing to get things done when i get home. i don’t know why it’s taken so long for me to get to this point in my life, but it has helped in so many ways.

getting up that early sucks, yes. it is ABSOLUTELY a huge lifestyle change for me and nothing less, yes. but i’ve started to enjoy it more than i ever thought i would. i look forward to the 6AM classes for more than just the reasons above. the people in this class are so fun and welcoming and hilarious and weird and supportive. SO supportive.

i almost hate to say it, but i think i am starting to get excited for the gym in the same way i get excited to go to work every day.

if you’re surrounded by awesome and motivated people who share a common goal, it’s hard to not get excited. because i know they will notice when i’m not there in the same way that we all notice when someone from the group isn’t there. granted, they’ve all been doing this for far longer than i have, and they’re all buddies and have that “credit” of time spent in the gym together bonding. but still, i feel a sense of camaraderie. people DO notice when you’re missing and it DOES suck when you miss out.

everyone is so raw and genuine and dedicated.

not once in my life have i willingly participated in a team sport (unless elementary/middle school PE counts), so this is the closest i’ve ever been.

people make me nervous. crowds make me nervous. an audience, even of 1 person, makes me nervous.

knowing anyone could POSSIBLY be watching me fail or struggle puts my stomach in knots.

working out around anyone at all not knowing what body part A looks like during exercise B leaves me terrified.

everyone in my class is lightyears ahead of me, and i love it, and i hate it. having people to look up to, but also people who will sit there and cheer me on when i’m at my worst. when the sun is barely up and i’m sweaty and gross and my clothes are all fucked up and my hair is unwashed and my face is puffy because i literally just rolled out of bed. it took me 6 years to get to that kind of vulnerable with my husband yet i’ve managed to throw myself into it in a month with this crowd and it completely scares the shit out of me.

i haven’t been drinking during the week as much (and pretty much never at lunch anymore), and i haven’t been snacking at night.

i’ve started seeing results, mentally and physically. slowly but surely.

brett has been my biggest motivator through all of this, and has been so encouraging. he always is, but it’s especially important in this case. he tells me every day how he can notice changes, even when i refuse to believe him. i don’t know what i’d do without him.

i look forward to working out now, and i don’t feel completely out of place this time. which is the biggest and best surprise of all. i feel like this will be a long term thing.