Chemotherapy, It Is

today feels like the longest day of my life. i have not stopped working since i got up this morning. i think brett could feel how crappy it was because when i got home, he had bought me a purple joose and put it in the fridge for me. amazing.

anyway, all work business aside, today was also more loki news.

i am so sick of the vet by now. now i know how my parents felt when our old dogs had all their problems. i don’t like when the vets know me this well.

she called me this morning to tell me that loki’s biopsy results came back negative for the particular mutation they thought it was. which is good and bad. good in the sense that it’s not what they thought it was, but bad in the sense that none of the ways to fix this are as surefire as they would be for fixing that mutation.

the pills that would fix the mutation only have a 40-50% success rate with other cancers, which is right around the same success rate as chemo.

DAMMIT. you know? loki does not deserve this. if we do nothing, there’s a chance it comes back. so i can’t do nothing. i have to either do the pills or the chemo.

the catch to the pills is it’s 6 months worth, $600 a month. $3600. ouch. and if the cells aren’t eradicated after the 6 months? more pills. plus there are a lot of possible side effects. mostly nausea/upset stomach, but 6 months of that just sounds awful.

the chemo is 8 visits for $450 each, and it will be over after those 8 visits, more than likely. she said that almost all of her patients haven’t had any side effects (at the most, they puked on the first day), and it doesn’t seem to bother them. so i’m going to go ahead and get it over with.

loki goes in for her first chemo treatment monday. 1 blood sample, 1 IV, out in less than an hour.

please just let this be over with.