i will go ahead and put this out there… i am soft-spoken, don’t like conflict/confrontation, have a hard time speaking up, and don’t speak my mind as much as i should–especially when it’s important. i am especially bad at telling people what i want and making it clear. i don’t like people being mad at me or annoyed at me or irritated or anything of the sort. i would almost say it’s one of my biggest fears, but probably one of my biggest flaws as well.

between my parents and adam, i’ve come a long way in this area (at least i think i have) because they force me to speak up a lot more than i would if i wasn’t pushed. i’ve always been shy but i’ve gotten a lot better. obviously, i have a lot of room to improve.

with that said, i am angry. i am pretty much at my wit’s end. the apartment has been a mess for weeks and it would be a hundred thousand times worse if i didn’t clean it as much as i do. i almost wish i’d never cleaned as much as i did in the beginning when i first started living with my roommate because i think she got used to it. i know everyone is different but when it comes to cleanliness, there is a certain amount of respect you should show people when you have to live with them. for example–clean your dishes, clean up after yourself (and your boyfriend since he doesn’t know how), don’t use other people’s things without asking, respect other people’s property, take the time to straighten up every once in a while, if something spills clean it up with a paper towel and soap, clean up animal mess, empty the cat box, pick up garbage, throw trash away instead of leaving it places… to name a few. also, febreeze is nice.

i feel like i have been patient and extremely lenient to all of this in the past year but it has gotten to the point where i am no longer going to do any of this for her. with the exception of the party after the LAN when i cleaned the hell out of the mess that was left, i am not doing any of it. none of the dishes in the sink or the dishwasher are ones that i used. i’m not washing them like i did in the past because it drove me nuts after they sat there for 2 weeks. none of the garbage in the trash can is mine at the moment. i took out the trash the last 2 times and probably 70% of the times it’s been taken out. the carpet is stained with cat pee and i’m not trying to get it out anymore. i’m not wiping up the spilled food anymore. i’ll clean up loki’s messes, i’ll dust and vacuum when i need to, and i’m keeping my bathroom and bedroom spotless. as far as eating goes, i’ll either eat on campus or eat something i can wash in my sink.

i am getting out of this apartment from may until august and when i come back, hopefully jill will be coming to live with me and i will only have 8-9ish months left of college. i am a clean person and i tend to be compulsive about straightening things up but when it comes to filthy, i can no longer stand it. that’s just the way it goes.

next week is spring break and i plan on going home, spending time with friends, mom, dad, and christine, and relaxing. i will spend no part of that time in this icky apartment.

before the week is over, i will leave my roommate a note expressing my frustrations (and if needbe, bite the bullet, get angry but civil and firm and tell her to her face), present my marketing presentation, ace my infrastructures exam, go to my meetings, go to work, and lastly, buy a lock for my bedroom door.