9 Months, Other Musings

caylin turned 9 months today. more specifically, 2 hours ago.

brett and i just watched silver linings playbook, and one of the songs they played was frank sinatra singing, “have yourself a merry little christmas”. they had the big christmas lights in the background. the big ones, not the crappy wal-mart ones we buy today. the big fuzzy bulbs. it just hits me like a rock. i’m still not sure if he noticed me crying. i swear to god, i was born in the wrong decade. either that, or i was reincarnated in this one. because if that’s the case, i was already born in the 50’s. had they played the judy garland version, i’d be a basket case. those 2 voices kill me. tears? flowing. heartbeat? racing. i’m with you, mom!

it may or may not help that brett just served me shot #8 in one of our last nights in this townhouse (by the way, 8 is nothing in this house. we got this.). caylin is upstairs sound asleep. loki and thor begging for food, the usual.

boxes everywhere–not so usual.

this is so bittersweet. it’s killing me.

i didn’t have this much of an issue moving from my very first “big girl” apartment at colonial grand, or me and brett’s first “official” apartment together at bolton’s landing. i don’t know why. maybe it’s because we only lived in that one for 6 months. maybe it’s because they’re still like… a mile away or less than that.

this move is different. it’s where we brought caylin home. her nursery was completely torn apart today. by us, obviously, but i remember carefully picking out every decoration. every highlight of that room. every piece of art. showing my grandma pictures of what i wanted it to look like. my grandma was and is such a huge part of caylin’s childhood–she MADE that nursery what it is. blankets, mobiles, bibs, toys–everything. handmade by her. it kills me packing that room up. it will definitely be transferred to her new nursery, but that room will always be her first home. the nest i made for her.

anyway, before i cry again (also, this is bullshit. i’m supposed to be all into metal and shit. THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! james, back me up!), at 9 months:

  • WE HAVE A CRAWLER. finally. caylin was insistent on standing up first, but now she’s crawling. not just backwards, but all over the place. she doesn’t enjoy her freedom yet, but she will if she must
  • standing up with wobbly butt–she will stand up anywhere as long as she can get a grip. it’s ridiculous. she loves it, though. she’s like a jack-in-the-box in her crib./li>
  • speaking of jack-in-the-box, she is staying up later these days. 8:45-9:00 instead of 8:00. a blessing and a curse for me and brett! hooray for more time with caylin; however, it might contain more whining…. which is okay by me :)
  • girlfriend climbs all over us, dammit. caylin is obsessed with climbing all over us. whenever we’re playing with her on the floor, that’s all she wants to do. that, and play with pacifiers. she loves them. she swaps them out like she’s recharging or something.
  • she’s eating all my food. yeah. for the last, like, 2 weeks… i’ve been eating standing up. she HAS to eat when we’re eating (that’s been going on for about a month), so i feed her standing up next to her highchair. she eats “her dinner”, which is the gerber ravioli or chicken (i swear she’s gonna turn into a chicken) or whatever pasta i made for her, PLUS half my food. she eats… so much. it’s ridiculous how much something so tiny can fit sooooo much food. but she kills it. she’s not even chunky. her thighs are getting there (she has me to thank for that), but the rest of her is ridiculously tall, blonde, and beautiful. THIS CHILD IS BLESSED.
  • she loves goofy faces. her laugh is infectious. it’s amazing and i love it. if i had the energy to sit there and make faces at her all day, i would.
  • babbling constantly–it’s amazing. there is nothing more soothing than hearing your baby attempt to talk to you. i don’t know what she’s saying, but it’s incredible. i swear she’s trying to make sentences. either way, it’s fantastic.
  • we’re still wearing 18-month clothes. the 12-month clothes are pretty much spent–squishing toes and what-not. i’ve packed them up. we can only wear the dresses now, but that’s ok. short dresses are ok until you’re like, 11, right? plus, it’s hot as crap in charleston.

anyway, semi-short update. i had 1 meal today. brett and i spent the morning packing, and then we packed up the truck to drop a bunch of stuff off at goodwill and take a load to the house. we took off wed-fri from work to move into the new place.

christine and i spent half of today putting together the bed frame and the mattress pad from IKEA, only to find out the bed frame was a queen (supposed to be a king), so we’ll have to wait another 2 weeks to get the king size. i know, first world problems, right? i have no issue sleeping on the mattress on the floor. the silver lining is that we have 2 guest bedrooms in the new house, instead of 1–awesome. the rest of our furniture should be delivered saturday.

in the meantime, i’m excited that loki and caylin are getting their first backyard tomorrow. i never thought loki would make it to today. her tumor is still there–it shrinks and grows everyday. i hate it. today, it was especially large, which made my stomach hurt just thinking about it. if she can enjoy a few months of the new house, i will feel somewhat better. i owe so much more than that to her, but at least she’s here to enjoy it now.