*NOTE: this is long, so get comfy. i apologize ahead of time.

have you ever been to clients from hell? whether you just want to know that you’re not the only one dealing with a terrible client, or you want a good laugh, i highly recommend it. i have had more than a handful of scenarios that are worthy of being quoted on this site, which reminds me–i really need to start writing them down.

if i haven’t said it enough, i love my day job. my Big Girl Job. i love information security. it fascinates me. i have learned more in the past 9 months than i learned through all of college. i enjoy my day at work, and when i come home every night, i generally get right to working on websites. brett or i will cook dinner–he settles in playing his xbox, and i get to coding. my hours are weird, because not every freelance web developer has the same routine. that’s one upside to any kind of freelance work–making your own hours. i’ve realized that clients don’t always understand that. sometimes… sometimes they think that because you make your own hours means they can help you *define* those hours.

example: this morning, i got a call from Company X (i will leave all names anonymous from here on out) at 7:38 AM. this is the same client i was griping about yesterday on twitter. i didn’t answer the phone. i let it go to voicemail, and moments later received the voicemail, accompanied by an e-mail.

it is not out of the ordinary for things like this to happen. that does not make them acceptable. a few months ago, i got sick of allowing my clients to walk all over me (which was 100% my fault, there need to be boundaries) so i defined my own hours. i told them (nicely) that i am at my Big Girl Job during the day, and everything else (website related) is to be taken care of during the week, in the evenings between 5 and 9 PM. that is a small window, but so far it is working. they can e-mail me all they want, but for the most part, all website related work will be done during those 4 hours.

well, this winter things picked up a bit. i had a lot on my plate, and still do. some odds and ends are being tied up, some projects are just hanging there waiting on the client to come forth with updates, and some are just starting up. it’s a big mix, but i keep track of everything in spreadsheets and i’m pretty good at keeping it all organized.

one thing that i make SURE of, whether i stay organized or not, is that there are invoices. invoices, invoices, invoices. and some form of a binding statement that says, yes, i will pay you this amount of money. there are a couple (literally) that i don’t worry about because, A) they are friends, and B) they have been loyal to me for years. because the moment a client starts changing numbers on me–there’s a problem. man, i just started realizing how many nightmarish stories i can tell you all. so many blog entries to come of this. i must not forget.

anyway, way back in september, i was contacted by Client X (who i have recently found out is actually an independent contractor for Company X, which i mentioned earlier). Client X needed 2 websites to be completed because their company, Company X, did not have enough resources (whether it was time, money, or people, i don’t know) to get them done. we both signed a contract, saying i would be subcontracted to complete these 2 websites. i sent Client X 2 invoices–one for each website. the invoices stated that 50% of the website would be paid for up front, and the remaining 50% would be paid upon completion of the site. this is how i do every project, and so far it has worked out in my favor. i promptly received the first 50%, for both websites, via PayPal. we were good to go, i thought.

i completed both sites fairly quickly. there were a few minor changes that were done over the course of 2-ish months. basically, the sites have been completed and sitting, waiting on my server for about 4-ish months now.

now, i found out a couple weeks ago that Client X is no longer working for Company X. this only came up in conversation via e-mail (which have been few and far between, terrible communication on their part) after i sent the 523th bitchy e-mail, demanding i get paid for the work i did. MONTHS ago.

i’ve been bitching and moaning to and about Client X for months now, but never took any kind of legal action. the amount of money i am owed is not a small amount, but in my mind, it is not worth going to court over. the only reason i asked about lawyers on twitter yesterday was to get other opinions on how to get things moving in the right direction so this can be finished. if that did not work, then i would be more inclined to take some sort of legal action. evidently, a lot of people thought small claims court was a feasible idea. i know nothing about that sort of thing, so the thought alone scares me. i’d like to avoid that if at all possible.

i started making phone calls. i called Client X, roughly 4 times, before i got any kind of feedback. i called Company X at least 20 times yesterday, and all i got was answering machines. FINALLY, a representative from Company X called me, but because i can’t have my phone in the lab i work in, i missed it. awesome. phone tag really blows.

on my drive home, i spoke with Client X. he finally answered his phone, and i’m sure he regretted it immediately afterward. i was not psychotic, but i was not exactly friendly. my e-mails started out friendly, but over the last 4 months, they got a little uglier. i’ve heard the exact same story at least a dozen times from Client X, and yesterday’s phone call was no different. i hung up, and because i was so fed up with everything (i already had just one of those days yesterday… forgot my badge, spilled coffee TWICE, spilled ravioli EVERYWHERE, spilled pears EVERYWHERE, smashed my finger, it was just irritating), i went home and took a 20 minute, scalding hot shower, followed by 20 minutes of laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. then i asked brett to go buy us a case of beer. thank you, babe–you are awesome.

after all that, i didn’t exactly sleep well last night.

and then i got the call from Company X this morning at 7:30. i did not need that. but after listening to the voicemail, and reading the e-mail this morning, i’ve decided that Company X is not who i need to be angry at. Client X deserves to feel my wrath. all of it. come to find out, he hasn’t been working with Company X for “a long while now” according to them. which COMPLETELY explains why this is a nightmare in the first place. if an independent contractor leaves a company, and continues to deal with Company X’s clients, that is a recipe for disaster. and serious communication FAIL. and confusion. and all of the above. depending on what kind of contract they have, that can be considered breach of contract–something i do NOT want to become involved in. Company X told me that if i put the sites back online (i took them down, hoping the process would speed up with some motivation), he could get the deal finalized with their clients (the companies whose websites i’d created) and i will be paid by next week.

with all that said, i should have gone to Company X months ago. however, i did not know to do that since i had no idea, until recently, that Client X didn’t work there anymore. all along, i thought i was still dealing with Company X through Client X. definitely *not* the case.

currently, i am waiting for an e-mail response from Company X about this whole ordeal being patched up. the sites are live again and their clients are viewing them, and *hopefully* giving them the final payments. which will hopefully be given to me by next week. hopefully this nightmare will be over. hopefully. thank you, representative from Company X, for not screwing around. you are a good man. cross all your fingers, all your toes, all your eyeballs, please. i will let you know what happens.

brett and i are heading up to NC this weekend. seven devils, to be specific. we both miss the high country, and would like to get the hell out of charleston (the low country) for another weekend before he goes to africa. yes, i said africa. i wanted to go, too, but evidently they (our project managers) frown upon small females going to marine corps bases in third world countries to test computer systems. HUGE BUMMER. i’d really like to play with the hyenas.

anyway, this cabin is, HANDS DOWN, one of my favorite places on earth. brett’s parents own it and rent it out online. i will provide the link to it (with their permission, of course) AFTER this weekend. when we’re already back in south carolina. for obvious reasons.

i love it because it’s in the mountains. that is where i belong. in the mountains. why? let me show you.

this is why.

THIS is why.

this gives me goosebumps.

i even miss this. somehow, by the grace of god, charleston got snow this winter, but nothing close to this.

when i get sick of doing information security, which will hopefully be a long way off, i want to retreat back to the mountains. i want to live in a cabin. with blankets, hot chocolate, loki, thor, steak, an abundance of sweatpants, my handsome best friend, and a mountain of coors light. and my laptop, assuming web development is even necessary in 40 years. and assuming we even have laptops in 40 years. i really don’t even want to think about what earth will be like in 40 years.

i’m getting way off topic and i’m almost scaring myself, so i just want to say… i’m super excited about this weekend. we’re bringing food and beer with us so we don’t have to spend much money while we’re up there. he drives an escalade, which isn’t exactly wallet-friendly. the only other thing i will be willing to spend money on is macado’s, which is ALWAYS acceptable. always.

all photos (except the cabin pictures) are by my friend, leander. you can find more of his photography here. hi, leander!

i have eliminated soft drinks from my diet almost entirely. i might have one when i’m desperate, but otherwise i quit drinking them sometime this winter, for no particular reason. i guess my dental woes, which were not exactly soda-induced, made me try and avoid acidic fluids all together. i’ve only puked 3-4 times since then, half of which were when i had the flu. personally, i think those are excusable.

anyway, no soda == not nearly as much caffeine. i’m not big on drinking tea, unless it’s sweet tea, and even then i choose it at the last resort, or i put whiskey in it. and OH MY GOD, i’m from the south, something must be wrong with me because i don’t drink sweet tea by the gallon. brett drinks enough for the both of us, and then some, so i think it’s okay if i only indulge every once in a while.

i’ve since found other substitutes, mostly to stay awake between the hours of 9 and 11 AM, and also to subdue those god awful caffeine headaches that creep up every so often. 5-hour energy shots don’t quite cut it every morning. a boatload of vitamins and a little caffeine aren’t the same as coffee that will make you physically unable to close your eyelids. brett makes our coffee exceptionally strong–i don’t really care how strong it is, so long as there is enough left for me before i go to work.

he drinks his black, so i generally wait until he’s not looking to prepare my coffee. because i definitely don’t drink it black. i haven’t gotten to that point in my life yet. no. i add about a quarter cup of creamer, 4 spoonfuls of sugar, and half a packet of nestle hot chocolate mix. i try to wait until he’s not within sight so i can avoid the look he gives me. the look that says, “you are gonna have diabeetus in about 6 months if you keep drinking that crap!” so says the man who has single-handedly finished off 2 gallon-sized bags of gummy bears and sour patch kids. i drink it in the car on the way to work and usually finish it within the first half hour i’m there. and then, if you’re exceptionally unlucky, you’ll be one of the coworkers sitting next to me while i’m high on caffeine, talking your head off about everything and nothing. most likely the latter.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me this week but every morning, said coffee has been accompanied by a breakfast consisting solely of the following:

• tagalong girl scout cookies
• half moon cookies
• caramel filled ghirardelli squares
• all of the above

the awesome part? it might be more on the unhealthy side than it is awesome, but i’ve actually lost weight. i accomplished this once before–2 years ago when i worked in downtown fayetteville, NC, as a web developer. i would eat a quarter pound of peanut butter and chocolate fudge (get this: i worked on the same block as a fudge shop, an arcade, 3-4 bars, beef o’ brady’s, and a place called hamburger heaven. my GOD, that was awesome!) and drink a 12 oz coke every morning for breakfast, and i’d be so jacked on sugar that i wouldn’t even be hungry until i went home and cooked dinner (which usually consisted of rice or pasta, some form of meat: ground beef, baked chicken or pork tenderloin, broccoli or green beans, and ALWAYS salad). i dropped 10 pounds in a heartbeat.

if only i can figure out a way to make this process work for the next 50 years, i might be onto something.