what is my problem?

i am driving myself insane. i got home and ever since i’ve been losing it by the minute. i keep thinking about him coming home. it’s going to be the first time he’s been home for an extended period of time since before he was deployed LAST july and i just don’t know how to handle it again. i forget what it’s like to be in a “normal” relationship (if you could even call it that since he’ll be on base and i’ll still be 3 hours away). i forget what it’s like to be able to talk to him on a regular basis. i don’t know how to act anymore. i am fucking TERRIFIED, actually, of him coming home and me completely screwing this up after everything we’ve been through. i just don’t know. i am at a loss for words… i keep trying to think of things to say to him because i don’t even know how to explain this angst-y and panicky feeling.

i can’t even concentrate to study.