Studying = Teh Suck

i’ve been studying for my exam in IT infrastructures all day/night. i studied yesterday. i studied monday. i studied saturday. holy crap… it’s the most i’ve studied in i don’t know how long. it’s especially more than i’ve studied since being in college. the exam is tomorrow at 11 AM and i think i’m mostly paranoid because for the first time since being in college (at least, i’m pretty sure), i’m having an exam that isn’t all multiple choice/true-false/matching. i guess this really is college after all. who knew!

my professor said that usually the class is split between failing and passing. i have extra credit points, and i’ve studied my butt off. i really hope i’m on the upper hand of that. i’m pretty sure i’ll freak out and quit school if i bomb an exam in a class for my major. no, really. it’s 20% of my grade. if i blow it, i will flip the fsck out.

i’m pretty excited about the next 3 weekends in a row. this weekend, adam and i are going to 2 birthday parties for guys in his platoon. i am getting used to being around everyone again. since this summer, i’ve found it really strenuous and difficult to be in a big social situation for a long period of time and i tend to have really bad/awkward panic attacks in the middle of a group of people. i guess i’m just lucky. it’s hard on me and adam because neither of us really know how to handle it other than to just leave and that’s what we’ve had to do up until recently. he gets bummed and i get bummed and it’s not healthy for me or us or our relationship. but every time it happens i kick myself because i don’t like how it controls me and i’d like to get over that. so i’ve been doing really well the past week or so. i have not had a panic attack this week and i did not have one this weekend. yay, i get a gold star!

anywho, next weekend is, of course, the weekend after valentine’s. the guys get a 4-day weekend so adam is coming up ON valentine’s day and that is absolutely awesome because it will be the first one we will actually get to spend together since we’ve known each other. i’m stoked. i went and bought some things and he said he’s going to think up something good for us to do. i will just be excited about a 4-day weekend where we can be in boone together, which is a switch, and relax and hopefully get to go snowboarding as well.

aaand… the following weekend is the first LAN party of the semester–AppalachLAN IX. i can tell i’m getting burnt out on putting these things together. mostly, it’s because something goes wrong every time and it’s something that could’ve been prevented. like people not pulling their part. i’ve gathered some great sponsors, and i really think we have an awesome line-up for tournaments. and already–people are complaining about not having Halo 3 at this one. give me a break! we had it at the last 2 LANs which is something we never do. anyway, call of duty will be a nice change and so will kitten cannon. oh yes. we are having a kitten cannon tournament. adam promised he would come to the LAN since he’s been out of the country for the last…6~ish of them. i’m so excited he can be there to support me when i want to go postal on a bunch of stubborn, angry, cracked-out-on-red-bull nerds. heh! hooray!

i’m going to go watch dexter. or big bang theory. i can’t decide. i’m hoooooked on dexter but big bang theory is a hell of a good laugh! maybe i’ll save dexter for this weekend so we can watch it together. if i see it all now, i’ll end up spoiling it and then adam will probably punch me in the head when i tell him everything that happens before he gets to see it. sigh.