there are a number of things that could be contributing to my feeling like shit lately.

1) i stopped running. with everything i’ve been doing lately, i got off track with my running and i have run probably twice in the past 2 weeks. i still did my 5 miles but it wasn’t as smooth as it had been and i feel like such a loser for slacking off. i think i have too much crap going on.

2) sinus infections blow.

3) committing myself to too much at one time… i stress over every detail so i should’ve known it would get to me eventually. if i don’t have control over a situation and i have to rely on someone else, i start to freak out wondering if they’ll pull their weight. in some/a lot of those instances lately, whoever i had to rely on did not pull their weight, causing me quite a few headaches.

4) new birth control pills. i started taking a different kind and i think i started on the wrong day because it’s been the equivalent of 3 weeks of PMSing without being on my period. sorry to the males reading this… but ladies, you know how the irritability makes stress and every little problem and finite detail seem that much worse. i’ve been depressed and stressed and my head’s been a complete clusterfuck for the last few weeks and it makes sense because that’s when i started taking the pills.

5) because i’ve been stressed and because my hormones have been on a rollercoaster, my face is all breaking out again. on top of that, i ran out of biore wipes which i’ve been using every day for over a year now. i’m pretty sure my skin hates me, so it’s retaliating at the moment and it looks awful.

6) since my face is broken out, i hate to even be seen. i didn’t go to class yesterday. it was hard for me to even be at the LAN without being self-conscious and that’s when i’m with all my buddies and right at home in my element. i couldn’t even get comfortable that day. i had to substitute for my comfortableness by wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt so i felt somewhat better the rest of the day. i’m really weird, i know. my brain just works that way.

i got to talk to adam on the phone today and online so that was a nice little pick-me-up. he’s coming home in a month. i can’t believe he’s been gone for over a year. i remember the night he left last july and i could barely see to drive home… i curled up on the couch in our empty, destroyed apartment and cried myself to sleep. it was one of those heaving cries that hurts because you’re straining so hard. i didn’t really eat for a good 2-3 days and i had trouble sleeping until i got the first phone call from him telling me he was there, which didn’t come until 13 days after he’d been gone. i never thought that any time would pass… it felt like forever. now he’s been gone for a year and 3 months. it doesn’t seem possible.

i need to shower and get a good night’s sleep. tomorrow is going to be a very, very long day. 4 classes, work, only 1 meeting (thank jeebus), and then i’m going to try to force myself to go to the gym, assuming i can even get IN the gym. and i can’t forget to pay rent.

/venting… i think