not sure what to do

christmas break is going well so far… adam left for MA monday morning and i’ll be flying up on christmas day. i’ll have christmas with my mom and grandparents on saturday and then i’ll have christmas with my dad and christine and everyone on sunday. christmas day will be spent in the airport and with adam finally and then we’ll go see all of his family and friends. and then we’re driving back down this way the 27th or 28th to stay in gatlinburg until new year’s day and unfortunately go back to fort bragg after that. he ships out on the 5th. i am dreading that day but we’re going to make the most of the next 2 weeks and hopefully it’ll be a blast.

my cousin corey’s death has been having really strange effects on me. i had weird dreams at first and then i kept having these images flashing in my mind of what had happened and then i had this one dream that really put me at peace with it. talking to adam’s mom worked wonders for me because she told me a story about one of her patients and how he had a dream about his wife after she committed suicide and she had told him that she was okay and in a better place, and it really spoke to him. well, i had a dream like that about corey, and the next morning i had this really strange feeling that sent pins and needles throughout my entire body and it was a weird feeling that stayed with me all day. it’s indescribable, really. and… it was so peaceful at the same time. like she had spoken to me. and i think that in a way she did, and i think that’s why up until now i’ve been dealing with it a lot easier. but sunday is corey’s birthday… people have been leaving her more messages and it’s just becoming harder with the holidays being so close and her birthday being christmas eve. it’s scary and i can’t imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through. i know this will be so hard for them, but i’m glad they have eachother in a time like this. i had a bit of a breakdown tonight after i got home and adam called me and talked me through it. i figure if there’s anyone who can help me out with this, it’s him. he’s been through a lot and has to learn to cope with things like this and he knows me and it’s a lot more comforting.

i need to go to bed. finally friday, 3 days and i can see him again.