my brain won’t stop

i’ve had so much on my mind lately. so much is happening after may comes along. after shane and grainger go back off again, i’m gonna temporarily go insane like last time. and after that, i have no clue what will happen.

this summer won’t be like every other summer, although i wish like hell it could be. instead of going back home and getting back on a regular sleep schedule and looking for my letter in the mail of my new schedule, i’ll be moving out, going to appalachian, and settling in for a brand new semester, and a whole new life in college. this thought scares the piss out of me. although i welcome the change, i’m still scared. i’m scared of not knowing what will happen. i know i have tons of friends at ASU but it still won’t ever be the same. i think everyone is right when they say grade school is easy, because you basically have everything handed to you, and although it comes with hard work and getting/losing jobs and all that responsibility, it can’t compare to leaving home and living on your own with someone you’ve never met and being hours away from what you’re used to. i never really have said i miss home, because everywhere i am lately feels like home to me. i’ve lived in this city for all 17½ years of my life, and it’s gonna be weird getting out of this place. i’m not sure if i really want to either, but i guess it’s one of those things you just have to do.

i’ve been sitting in front of this computer since about 4:00 when i got home and that’s pretty much all i’ve been thinking about. the same thing happened yesterday. it boggles my mind how much life changes. i remember when i was only 3 or 4 years old, sitting in my old house, eating popcorn out of one of those big tins cans with my mom, and i remember thinking, “college”, and i remember asking my mom what it was. as soon as she told me, i remember reassuring myself i was never going to go, because it sounded horrible, and scary, and i didn’t ever want to leave home or my parents, or the house i lived in, for that matter. lately, i’ve felt myself almost regressing back to that point, and wishing i could stay a kid forever. about an hour or two ago my mom walked in and said she wished i wasn’t growing up and that i would stay a little kid… not knowing that in my mind, i’ve been wishing the same thing for years.

for now, i’m just hoping college doesn’t suck and that it’s more fun than some of the things i’ve been hearing. and this summer better rock even harder than last year… or i won’t be a very happy camper.

on a lighter note, my mom and i just planned our spring break in orlando. we are gonna have so much fun. i think this will be the first time going to orlando without staying at a disney resort or going to disney world. instead, we’re going to universal studios islands of adventure and sea world, and staying at some sweet hotels, and it’s gonna be great. i’m ready to go back to florida!

i gotta go crack down on the homework. yuck. goodnight!