It's A Lot

the economy, AI doom, climate change, human rights being threatened left and right, crooked predator politicians, crooked predator president, wars, genocide, deportations, ICE, christian nationalism, misogyny, a different food recalled every day, navigating political minefields at every social event in existence, the list goes on.

all of the cornell news this week has been especially triggering. it hits home for me, for several reasons, but i think part of it is.. it's one more thing. one more completely evil thing on top of this other huge pile of completely evil things happening across the country. it's sad. it's terrifying. and at some point it just sent me into a doom spiral.

the mom guilt of carrying constant rage and fear and disappointment, worrying about my girls' future, while trying to show up for them, hold myself together, and be their safe place, while simultaneously wanting to strangle half of humanity... it is heavy.

it feels like nothing i can say or do is enough to prepare them for this scary place and even scarier timeline.

trying to juggle this with worsening OCD, and a touch of the 'tism, unsure if my moments of absolute frustration and anxiety are precursors of perimenopause? or if they're just the result of living in this era, where every day surfaces new things to be worried about, new fears to be realized, compounded by the normal stresses of parenthood and career and life. our schedule these days is the most packed it's ever been in my entire life.

i don't want my girls to live in fear, but i don't want them to let their guard down.
i want them to be fiercely independent, but find their tribe.
i want them to trust no one, but somehow find the humans they can trust.
i want them to learn the hard lessons, but also never endure the hells i've been through.
i want them to spread their wings when they're ready, but know i will always be their rock.
i want them to be kind, but also never be afraid to scream "fuck no" at anyone who threatens their boundaries.

all this to say, i am doing my best. in my heart, i know this. but some days are tougher than others. i get upset over the small things so much more easily, because i am emotionally and mentally burnt out. which is wild to unpack, because the last few years have been some of the happiest and healthiest i've ever lived.

i see this quote often: "what a blessing it is to be overwhelmed by a life you once prayed for." and i feel that to my core. my girls, eric, my family, my people--our life with our kids is beautiful. exhausting, but beautiful. it's the rest of the world that gives me pause and sows fear and doubt at every opportunity, that adds to the exhaustion, the mental toll of simply living in america in 2026.

stay vigilant. remain hopeful. raise your kids to be good humans. have empathy. show grace. live in love. take care of each other.