Girly Girl?

i called my mom tonight basically to ask her if i’m a freak or if there are more women in this world that have the same problem as i do relating to other females.

i don’t know why, but it seems that all the girls around this apartment complex stick together, a lot of girls i know go shopping and to eat and to the movies and have girl nights together, and a lot of them just sit around and talk together. and for a long time now i’ve been seeing this all over and wondering why i’m not part of it or why i never jump in and hang out… like the girls that live next door to me. i love danielle and ellis and i go hang out with them from time to time because they’re friends of mine and they’re my neighbors but they have a huge group of females that they are around nearly 24/7. i can’t recall a time in my life when i was like that aside from elementary school.

in middle school i hung out with a group of 3 guys allll the time. in high school i hung out with all the guys that i LAN’d with (how do you write that out? that can’t be right) and then i met all my friends in king/pinnacle/middle of nowhere that i LAN’d with (i said it again) that i still hang out with. freshman year of college, i hung out with a big group of guys all the time. sophomore year, i hung out with the group of guys that lived at my apartment complex. last year, i hung out with all the tech. support/gaming club/ALUG guys all the time. now they’re not here and i don’t really have a group of friends that i hang out with because all of mine seem to have graduated and started lives. even jill isn’t in boone anymore. hopefully that’ll change in the fall. anywho…

i mean, i’ve always had my best friends from forever (becky, sarah, ryan, jill) and i know they’re here for me and i’m certainly there for them if and when they need it. i’ll be at all their weddings and we’ll be friends until we’re 85 and we’ll always be friends and know pretty much everything about each other. but we never do the “sit and talk” and “eat ice cream and watch chick flicks” or go to movies or talk about babies or do any of that stuff. nevertheless, i consider them the best friends i’ll ever have. i’ve just never constantly hung out with females.

when adam and i were at fort bragg this weekend, before leaving for the circus (oh yeah, we went to the circus this weekend! tigers rock), the guys were about to go grab food for everyone and the only people at the house were adam’s friends girlfriends. and when adam asked if i wanted to stay there i said no and that i wanted to go with them. i wasn’t trying to be clingy and i wasn’t trying to be difficult because it’s not like there wasn’t room in the jeep and what the hell is the harm in driving to mcdonald’s (except for having to come back mid-way because i forgot my ID to get back on base)?

we talked about it later that night and i don’t think he realizes just how weird i feel sitting around a bunch of women (don’t get me wrong, they’re all really nice and i like them) talking about kids and boyfriends and shopping and bars and all that. i would’ve sat there and drove myself nuts trying to pass the time. i just don’t mesh well with a group of chicks who are the kind of chicks that like to hang out all the time and do girl nights and dates and things and i don’t think it’s anything more than i don’t have anything in common with those girls. there is one wife in adam’s platoon whose company i really enjoy and i can click with her and hang out without feeling awkward, but i think it’s because she’s into stuff that i’m into. and i find the more i hang out with her, i realize she hangs out with the guys a lot, too. and then it all makes sense. it was the same way last summer–shawnee was the only girl i hung out with all summer because she was the only one that wasn’t like that and didn’t want to hang out all the time and do girl things and we had the same mentality.

i guess what i’m saying is my really close friends are few and far between, and while they’re females, we don’t do the typical girly shit and we’re not all “i love my girls!!!1” and for the most part, i find myself usually being one of the guys. i’m finding out that there isn’t anything wrong with that. but it’s taken me until now (tonight actually) to see it and realize that it’s just a difference in personalities and i guess it doesn’t happen much. so i’m not a freak for not feeling comfortable hanging back with the moms and fiance’s… it’s just how i’ve always been. i know there are other weird introverted nerdy girls that have this same problem. there have to be.