[ 464 ]
whit: need for next def con
stan: Yes you do.
stan: Make this happen.
whit: lol needs to become less expensive. maybe i can steal one
stan: Maybe you can get a used one?
whit: used ride on pony
stan: Totally doesn’t sound like a sex toy.
whit: LOL

[ 463 ]
stan: Daddy moved away so he could own people.

[ 462 ]
stan: I think I’m going to become a monk and go on adventures.
whit: hmmm…. don’t you have to be celibate
whit: no steak and women
stan: So pretty much everything stays the same except I get to go on adventures.

[ 461 ]
stan: What did you guys get up to?
whit: laid in bed and played with toys all day and then went to the beach and dinner w/neighbors and all the chirrens
stan: Played with toys in bed, eh?
whit: hmm
whit: that was a bad choice
stan: Or a great one.
whit: i hate you
stan: Sounds about right.

[ 460 ]
whit: one day i might be as smart as you
whit: might
whit: one day
stan: Mostly it’s because I wrote 16-/32-bit for a long-ass time.
stan: stfu with that
whit: this shit is way over my head stan
whit: lol how do you not get that
stan: You are short, so that’s not hard.

[ 459 ]
stan: Remember when m and I found you? Lost and lonely? Small town girl in the big city?
stan: And look at you now!
whit: and then you made me cry
whit: yes
whit: boom
stan: Oh, that time.
whit: hahaha

[ 458 ]
bobby: do you want me to punch him in the nipple for you?
whit: well, that’s a weird location
bobby: i’d imagine you would punch in strange locations
bobby: like a ninja
whit: ahahaha
whit: touche
bobby: “whitney sends her regards”
bobby: BAM
bobby: nipple punch
whit: LOL

[ 457 ]
mmca: i had to logmein to a machine to RDP to a vclient, and than console in to a vm… i have three mouse pointers..
docwho76: keep going
mmca: so confusing
blakangel: mouse inception
blakangel: be careful

[ 456 ]
brett: i just had a fail
brett: so i was setting variables for files that have regular permissions and special perms. first variable was RPERM
brett: and guess what i just noticed i spelled for special perm variable
brett: and just noticed it
whit: wow
whit: that is definitely a fail
brett: yes. i laughed so hard at myself
whit: hahah

[ 455 ]
jason: i have another tech support person on the phone with a customer right now. i asked her what her ip address is and the other tech person asked “where do i find that?”
whit: that is so sad
jason: i think i might just put my head in my trash can right now
whit: hahahahaha

[ 454 ]
zan: Quit your bitching.
zan: ls
zan: dammit, wrong window
whit: way to go
zan: rm -rf /

[ 453 ]
whit: lol they are NOT DANGEROUS
jen: fish + cat sounds DANGEROUS
jen: or at least unstable
whit: only the crazy ones in asia are mean
whit: i never want to meet the man-eating goonch catfish
jen: oh noez NOT MY URETHRA
jen: lol yea
whit: ewwww
jen: hahaha
jen: asia is filled with dangerous creatures
whit: exactly
jen: we should go some day
jen: just bring pointed sticks
whit: we don’t have good aim
whit: and we are small
whit: we will inevitably meet our deaths
jen: lol, this is true…however, we will feel taller in asia
whit: and more dead
jen: LOL
jen: yes, well, there’s always side effects

[ 452 ]
phil: you wanna know what my favorite day is?
whit: saturday?
phil: yes, if it involves me you brett and a little sprinkle of brandon, I would be set for the rest of my life

[ 451 ]
zan: I want 5 guys

[ 450 ]
zan: would i steer you wrong?
zan: stear* fucking a… i’m not trying to male bovine you
zan: I hate english
whit: lol that’s how you spell steer
zan: wait.. or is that right?
zan: i obsess over stupid shit.

[ 449 ]
whit: i like these green beans.
brett: i do too. the squeaky ones?
whit: yes. you sound like you have hinges in your head.
brett: i do… i’m a machine… a sex machine…

[ 448 ]
stanley: Gays are like bunnies.
stanley: Except without babies.

[ 447 ]
stanley: Cavities make you self conscious? People with people eyes cannot see cavities.
whit: lol yes you can
stanley: Only if I get all up on your face and inspect your mouth.
whit: you definitely can see them if they’re in the front
stanley: Next time I see you I am going to inspect your face.
stanley: Like I would if I were buying a horse.

[ 446 ]
vicTROLA roomba irobot lols me good
vicTROLA it’s stuck in my bathroom
datagram: lol
vicTROLA it just flys all around the house bumping into shit
vicTROLA sucking up coins
vicTROLA fuck
vicTROLA how does it find all the money in my house
datagram: maybe it is synthesizing monies
stanley: roomba is a jew

[ 445 ]
stanley: Dear Gentoo, stop sucking at postgresql ebuilds thx.
whit: GENTOO!?!?!?!
stanley: Genwhat?
whit: facepalm
whit: why
stanley: pffffffffft
whit: would you do that to yourself
stanley: I’m sorry, Ms Fedora.
stanley: Does Gentoo not meet your standards?
stanley: Gentoo is the One True disciple of a little thing I like to call Slackware.
stanley: The prophet of Yggdrasil.
stanley: The One True Linux Kernel.
whit: it’s like… hey i wanna bake cupcakes… but i gotta make the sugar myself.. but first i gotta grow sugar cane…
whit: i whit: i stanley: How else would you know the sugar was good?
stanley: But what if their sugar was not optimized for my cupcake platform?
stanley: Then I’d have slow cupcakes.
whit: i’m gonna fuck up yo cupcake platform in about 2 seconds

[ 444 ]
whit: GOD stupid microwave people won’t pick up the phone
brett: didnt they say two weeks
whit: yeaaa but i want to microwave things :(
brett: i’m gonna microwave you
whit: what the FUCK

[ 443 ]
richard: what’re you doing right this second???
whit: looking at purple donuts
richard: really?
whit: yes
richard: why are they purple?
whit: they just are
whit: maybe they are purple flavored
whit: now i really want dunkin :(
richard: purple flavored?
richard: wanna try that again?
whit: hahahaha
richard: because if that statements stands…they taste like crayola

[ 442 ]
ryan: go squirrel hunting
whit: lol i dont’ want a squirrel
ryan: what do you want?
whit: a bear
ryan: hahah
ryan: i figured as much
ryan: I went bear hunting with my dad
ryan: and I could never kill one
ryan: they let out a death moan the second before they die
ryan: too human in my opinion
whit: aw that’s sad :(
ryan: yeah
whit: that’s why you get earplugs
ryan: hahahaha
ryan: touche
ryan: point made

[ 441 ]
sam: oh well you can text from gchat if you have someone’s number (read about it on lifehacker)
whit: ohhhh sweet
sam: i think its a labs feature you can turn on
whit: i’m gonna do it
sam: when someone signs off it gives you the option of (switch to sms)
sam: sick
sam: havent’ tested it yet though, i’ll sign off for a minute
a minute later
sam: and we’re back
whit: HOORAY
sam: that was quite a ride
whit: lol yes it was
sam: sort of like the magic school bus

[ 440 ]
on his iphone…
bear: So how you doin?
me: i’m good, studying for an exam at 3. you?
bear: Currently sitting at lunch waiting for my food. McAlisters
me: i want some!!
bear: hehehe. ok. I’m taking you to the bathroom with me… don’t look plz.
me: OMG
bear: lol. couldn’t leave you at the table.

[ 439 ]
whit: i want the unicorn vs narwhal playset
paul: awesome
paul: who would you root for though
paul: FUCK THAT, NARWHALS CAN GO UNDER WATER can your unicorns do that?
whit: yes
whit: they have gills hidden beneath their magestic manes
whit: if you were a unicorn expert you’d know that already
paul: ….
paul: i…i…i have nothing
whit: WIN
paul: …this time

[ 438 ]
whit: rob
whit: i
whit: just
whit: twittered from the command line
rob: just remember, its only kinky the first time
whit: HOLY COW
whit: hahahaha

[ 437 ]
ben: hmm ok sounds good… im in relapse right now bc fucking bo disconnected the router in his room that i used for my xbox and locked his door so i cant play =[ trying to occupy myself
whit: hahah what happened
ben: nothin really i just know he did it to bug the ever living shit out of me….the excuse he gave was…its a fire hazard to leave it on ….
ben: …..
ben: ….
whit: …….
ben: = ummm yeah
ben: ….
whit: lol
ben: i was like dude you left the fridgerator running …. you need to come unplug it,…the milk might catch fire
ben: ZOMG

[ 436 ]
syntaxerr: shortstack: you’ve got more pms
syntaxerr: PMs
syntaxerr: there’s no way of making that work nicely
whit: hahaha

[ 435 ]
whit: flock, uncrustables, and THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!
laura: that should be part of the cult we’re about to create.
whit: …we are making a cult?
laura: yes. i am the daughter of jesus and i demand that the neighbors stop doing coke and stealing our chairs and that lex have sex with loki and that you eat more uncrustables!
whit: did you really just say lex should have sex with loki?
laura: WHAT? what? i didn’t really think the thought all the way through… words just kind of just flying out of my mouth. actually, i think god said it. yeah… i’m gonna go with that one…

[ 434 ]
matt: you want to know something funny?
whit: what
matt: when dealing with verizon business in south america, if you ask for a loopback test on a data circuit, they refer to it as “a reach around”

[ 433 ]
whit: oh my god my dog just snorted SO loud and scared the crap out of me
ben: kick it
whit: she’ll fucking bite me no way
ben: kick it again
whit: are you retarded
ben: somewhat

[ 432 ]
summer: how are you short
whit: frustrated
summer: no sex does that to people
whit: so does linux

[ 431 ]
bear: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd.I really have to pee, but I dont wanna get up.
whit: hahahaha
whit: lazy
bear: Its starting to hurt.
bear: I think that might be bad.
bear: If I can have my computer.
bear: Just dont look in the “My Pictures” folder. >___>
whit: oh god
bear: its best to just delete it.

[ 430 ]
whit: lol “i want moneys” “let’s go buy a $185 projector”
whit: you’re nuts
laura: i kno.thats why i want the moneys
laura: .im pretty awful with money
whit: ahahha
whit: i’d buy 4389255 buffalo wings at this point
whit: i’m freaking starving
laura: haha aww
laura: dont they got a vending machine in the building?
laura: OMG they should make a wings vending machine
laura: OMG i wanna do it
laura: we could make MILLIONS

[ 429 ]
becky: umm your font is fuckin’ cursed. i copied your answer to sean and i can’t get mine back now
becky: now it’s pink and little
becky: like you

[ 426 ]
mom: Shall we call your first born, Mini?
mom: hahahahahahaha

[ 424 ]
mom: omg, I signed up for e harmony again and there is a guy on here that looks kind of like what I remember he looked like plus he’s Jewish.
whit: hahaha let me see a picture
mom: I’ll try
whit: glasses?
mom: yeah
mom: I sent it by e-mail. Tell me what you think
whit: way to go mom you hit on my friend’s dad
whit: lol
mom: no – he hit on me first
whit: you just hit on a rich jewish guy
whit: with a son who is an underwear model
mom: ha ha ha ha ha

[ 422 ]
jb: loki. don’t you want to lick it off my pants
derrick: uhh. jb
whit: derrick, jb wants loki to lick his crotch
jb: wait did you just say grilled cheese sandwich?

[ 421 ]
ryan: i left my fridge door open last night :( everything in there went bad
ryan: no cheese
ryan: no beef
whit: wow good job
whit: genius
ryan: hey back off, my door jammed a jar by a bottle
ryan: it looked closed
ryan: but wasn’t
whit: TARD
ryan: .
ryan: maybe this round
ryan: but not the war
ryan: shotry
ryan: shorty
whit: lol
whit: impotent
ryan: .
ryan: okay, you one two battles
whit: vietmanese
ryan: 2.5
whit: wilkesboro
ryan: asshole

[ 420 ]
whit: eww
mom: my eye is swollen, pity, pity, pity
whit: it’s on your eye??
mom: yeah, I put a sign on my desk so people won’t keep asking me what’s wrong with me – i look funny
whit: hahahahahaha
mom: SHUT UP

[ 419 ]
robert: was at this awesome foam party yesterday
whit: haha yes you told me on the phone last night
robert: damn
robert: i drank and partied
robert: i called you?
robert: shiet
robert: now this is more then i know
whit: hahahahahahahaha
whit: “i’m in a bed with 3 naked guys”
whit: “we’re all wet because of the foam party”
whit: “don’t you wish you were here with 4 naked guys”
whit: you called 2 times
whit: once when i was driving home when it was 4am there and then again when i was putting together my vacuum cleaner when it was 5am there
robert: hahahahaha
robert: oh my
robert: well
robert: there was me and 3 friends all in our boxers
robert: and i had to sleep between 2 of them
robert: i was so scared to get assaulted in the ass

[ 418 ]
rob: so theres a dude here
rob: and his liscense plate is
rob: /dev/wtf
whit: oh wow
whit: that’s awesome
rob: i think i want /dev/pwn
whit: dooo it
rob: i dunno
rob: can you think of any others that’d be good for me?
whit: robsucks
rob: ..
whit: o_0
rob: asshat

[ 417 ]
rob: you smell like fish.
rob: :)
chris: you smell like leander
rob: .. :(

[ 416 ]
whit: i scrubbed the mysterous green goo out of the refridgerator and was on my hands and knees scrubbing every inch of it for about half an hour. and i was unable to find the source. i’m convinced aliens got stuck in my fridge eating the 11 pounds of cheese that laura has bought and they peed in it.
rob: and i think you’re still typing
rob: oh
rob: haha
rob: those damn cats have you thinking that everything pees everywhere
rob: lol
whit: well
whit: it’s true
whit: leander pees in your xbox when you’re not looking
rob: hey
rob: fuck you
whit: hahahahahahaha
rob: lol
rob: sometimes, you’re my hero
rob: sometimes, i just want to punt you

[ 415 ]
collin: so whitney you make the date ill pay
whit: lol ok
greg: wow
greg: i read that as “so whitney you make out with me ill pay”
whit: hahahahahahahaa
robert: freakin sweet
greg: god, i need to get laid :(
robert: heh
collin: i mean i guess ill pay for that too
robert: who wouldn’t?
whit: .

[ 414 ]
rob n: when it warms up we will have a walkin supersoaker war one day
whit: lol oh god
whit: that’d be SWEET
rob n: yep
whit: i wonder what happens when you put jello in a supersoaker
rob n: heh.probably not much :)
whit: damn
rob n: or maybe that is where gummy worms come from
rob n: bout time youfigured that out

[ 413 ]
kevin: whitney how’s that compile coming?
whit: i just finished make and now i’m doing make install
leander: i just compiled in my pants
rob: we know

[ 412 ]
rob: jesus is the format that font packages are compressed with

[ 411 ]
rob: power button is like magic happy place
leander: well. my magic happy place is down-.
rob: SHUT UP

[ 410 ]
kevin: so that you’d have something to watch that was your size
kevin: silly rabbit
whit: i hate you

[ 409 ]
whit: HI!
johnny on rob’s s/n: this is johnny at robs computer can i take a message since i am the new bitch ( :P lol)
whit: hhaahahahaha

[ 408 ]
stephen: aim for heaven and you might hit an angel
stephen: i made that up just now
stephen: feel free to quote me

[ 407 ]
rob: james won’t lock me in
whit: he will if i tell him to
james: i think she just called me her bitch

[ 406 ]
reading olive garden menu.
sarah: i’ll have the pork fellatio

[ 405 ]
anna: does that look like a candy cane?
whit: yes that’s a very good candy cane
sarah: no.. that just looks like an old man’s penis

[ 403 ]
becky: sigh I’ve lost all my friends..I don’t know where they went
whit: whaat
whit: maybe they don’t want to get puked on
becky: HA-HA-HA (say that real slow to get the full effect) NOT
whit: LOL

[ 402 ]
bear: Baby phil cubs would be cute

[ 401 ]
rob: i met this girl named ***** from high country news
rob: we swapped hard drives

[ 400 ]
leander: stop licking your own ass
jb: i’m going to shoot you

[ 399 ]
whit: i put up my poster8-)
matt: hahaha good
matt: where did you put it
whit: my wall
matt: ok smart ass, where
whit: in my room on my wall
matt: im gonna hit you so hard on the head your gonna get shorter

[ 398 ]
rob: you have loki, we have leander

[ 397 ]
whit: wait YOU made plans with KIM?!
mom: The Leon, Witch and the Wardrobe – Kim is renting it and I’m invited over to watch it with James and her and have a pizza party.
whit: ohh wow
mom: SHUT UP or should I say SHIT UP like Thom Ass
whit: hahahahaha

[ 396 ]
thomas: ok shitting down
thomas: er
whit: shitting down
thomas: shutting
whit: ..
thomas: SHIT UP
thomas: !

[ 395 ]
jared: ya so i was goin to get a rolling rock keg formy party on fri
jared: its $104, i laughed and walked out
whit: jesus
jared: yeah i was like i could fuck a stripper for that price

[ 393 ]
whit: there’s a crazy asian woman on your website
leander: yeah, she has a short sword
leander: just like rob

[ 392 ]
thomas: your website looks like sherbert
whit: lol
whit: it’s flowers you asqsq
whit: ass
thomas: i want to eat it
whit: dammit
whit: adam’s hitting my keys
thomas: hit them harder
whit: you can’t eat it
whit: >:o
whit: no
thomas: spell stuff with whits head!
thomas: slam it on the keyboard
whit: i hate you
thomas: did you ever see it when byrd would do that to me
thomas: man did it hurt
thomas: “hi, thomas wants to tell you something, with his face”
whit: hahahahhaha

[ 391 ]
matt: he was asking me ryan and leander if we’d rather look at a pretty no touchie or do a ass ugly girl
matt: me and ryan said pretty girl
whit: LEANDER went??
whit: uh did leander answer
matt: and leander, well leander said “XBOX”

[ 390 ]
whit: you should definitely tell him to keep my resume on top
stephen: this would be just like when i got u hired at ACS
stephen: altho i didnt get a bonus for that
whit: yeah exactly
stephen: just high fives
whit: hahahhaha
stephen: and a friend4life
stephen: LOL
stephen: LOL
stephen: MAN
stephen: phew
whit: wow that was corny
stephen: i know

[ 389 ]
jared: no one hates me, but pikes
whit: hahaha
jared: and maybe a few ex gfs
jared: and god
whit: that’s not good
jared: yeah he’s not real soits ok
whit: hahahaha oh ok
jared: wow im drunk

[ 387 ]
steve: i had two pitchers of last nite, but i was the only one drinking them
whit: jesus
whit: i’d be in the hospital
steve: i ended up in the back of jeep wrangler with my feet in the air talking in the third person

[ 386 ]
jared: never in my life until myspace did i receive a msg from a girl saying please come rape me

[ 385 ]
chad: i got drunk last week and called my dog a whore because she always walks around naked

[ 384 ]
matt: you taught gymnastics?
whit: yeah
whit: after practic
matt: to kids?
whit: yeah
matt: so did they know who their instructor was?

[ 383 ]
becky: I’m not
becky: but I was raised in the ignorant ways
becky: but was smart enough to question them
becky: I was the only kid in bible class that tired to prove jesus sinned
whit: hahhahahahaha what you never told me that
becky: and I think I was right because my teachers didn’t have an answer
becky: yeah
whit: when was that
becky: like third grade
whit: wow
whit: that’s awesome
becky: yeah
becky: cuz we had just learned that jesus disobeyed his parents to like go stay at this temple or something
becky: and I was like isn’t that sinning to against your parent’s rules
becky: and they were like umm shut up he was jesus
becky: I was like good answer
whit: hahahaha
becky: yeah story of my life
becky: plus my mom’s like a hard core catholic she threatened to disown me/ got really mad when I told her I was thinking about becoming buddist

[ 380 ]
whit: dixie chicks YEEHaW
thomas: ……i’m drop kicking you next time i see you, just for that comment.
whit: hahahahha
thomas: and believe me, i will. cause drop kicking you isn’t that hard.
whit: stfu

[ 379 ]
whit: you’ll be happy to know that i spilled beefaroni in my bed
whit: hahahah
whit: lol
thomas: man chef boyardi hates you
whit: yeah no shit

[ 378 ]
tim: have u ever been to disney world
whit: yeaaa many times
tim: did anyone think you were a doll that had come to life to attack the boats in “its a small world”
whit: i hate you
tim: normally I limit it to one
tim: but I may not talk to you again for awhile
tim: so its best I do my damage now
tim: I’d say cut you down to size but it looks like someone already overdid it on that one
whit: DUDE
tim: dont get short with me
tim: oh.too late

[ 377 ]
tim: we were lookin for u on st patricks day, whats st patricks day without a leprechaun right?

[ 376 ]
matt: short circuit is good tho
whit: adam said he liked it too i want to watch it soon
matt: its kinda weird but in a good way? if that makes snese
whit: yeah
matt: yes…just like you..
whit: lol
matt: the movies not that short tho
whit: i hate you

[ 375 ]
rob: not relaly
rob: at all
rob: but
whit: ohhhhh wow
whit: i’m gonna tell her
rob: she’s like the coolest person on earth
rob: ha
whit: she needs to know if youre gonna get laid
rob: go for it
rob: fuck you

[ 374 ]
whit: i think matt is scared of me
rob: yeah
rob: so am i
whit: >:o

[ 373 ]
leander: ok, I think I can color on my own, unless I eat the crayons, errr better have Rob check on me

[ 371 ]
spring break will be glorious :) insert evil grin here
stacey: right. cheap and dirty
stacey: hahah
stacey: thats how we roll

[ 368 ]
becky: see this is why I fail my classes because i have all YOUR dead pet’s names in my head

[ 367 ]
whit: we made a deal. she could wear my pink cowboy hat if she bought me beer
whit: soo
whit: this was the outcome
whit: sends pic of whitney & mom at gretchen wilson concert
becky: lol
becky: awesome
whit: hahahha
becky: you make that face after one beer?
whit: .
whit: becky
whit: they were big cups
becky: lol
becky: and you’re a little person
becky: I got it
whit: stfu

[ 366 ]
adam: dude i just tried to wash a paper plate cause i ran out..not so good

[ 365 ]
joe: this girl who wants me to come out to her dorm tonight, she’s a freak, and i’m afraid if i show up she might be butt naked
james: you know. technically, if i paid you, you’d be a whore and i’d be your pimp.

[ 364 ]
whit: wtf why did you go to>:o
rob: oh shit
rob: clear the history
rob: lol
rob: trust me

[ 360 ]
suggesting valentine’s day ideas:
brad: you could put a bow on your head too.
jennifer: what?
whit: yeah! and then he could “unwrap” you.

[ 359 ]
rob: what are you into
whit: painting my nails
whit: woohoo!
rob: you’re a girl!
whit: hahhahaha
rob: ewwwwwwwwie!

[ 358 ]
referring to gretchen wilson concert 2/3:
mom: WHITNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whit: WHAT
mom: I got the tickets! Can I wear your pink cowboy hat?
whit: are you serious
mom: Yeah, why?
whit: OHHH WOW
whit: yes you can wear it
whit: only if you buy me beer
mom: Oh boy:-

[ 357 ]
mom: Did I tell you about my liver panel?
whit: what
whit: your what
mom: My liver blood tests.
whit: what happend
whit: happened*
mom: It came back perfect
whit: yaaay
mom: Which means I can drink at the Super Bowl

[ 356 ]
mom: Hey, did Adam pass his Sargeant thingee.
whit: YUP he gets promoted in march
mom: So you are seeing a Sargeant and going to Bon Jovi – I hate you.

[ 355 ]
grainger: i stink
whit: hahaha
grainger: i need a shower
whit: take a shower
whit: yea
grainger: i would
grainger: but im still workin
grainger: kind of
whit: lol
grainger: if they need me i cant be naked
whit: HAHAHA

[ 354 ]
jon: what kind of sick is it?? flu?
whit: no nothing like that. but sore throat, stuffy head, and i am talking like a 14 y/o boy going through puberty
jon: well if it makes you feel any better most 14 year old boys are a lot taller, so there’s no mistaking you for that.

[ 353 ]
overheard a convo in the hallway.
guy 1: what’s goin on?
guy 2: man i got a virus, i was surfin the internet without a condom

[ 352 ]
chin stitch: dont u wish i lived down there
whit: of course i do!
chin stitch: im every midgets dream!
chin stitch: yes!
whit: i hate you

[ 351 ]
whit: what’s that noise?
james: jennifer’s phone, i don’t wanna reach in her purse for something that’s vibrating
rob: yes you do.

[ 350 ]
whit: my face hurt when i came home today from smiling the whole time, and it’s been that way since i went to camp lejune pretty much
thomas: i’ll make your face hurt
whit: i’ll make your hoohoo hurt by kicking it>:o>:o>:o
thomas: what the fuck is a hoohoo?
whit: hahahahhaah
thomas: by all means
thomas: kick the shit out of my “hoohoo”
thomas: i
thomas: i’m sure i’ll have to find it first to feel the pain
thomas: big gay 3d AIM smiley
whit: hahahhah
whit: hahahahhahhhahahah
thomas: i never pick them
thomas: NEVER
whit: HAHA i can’t breathe holy shit
thomas: i said i’d make your face hurt
thomas: not choke you
whit: i’ll hurt you
thomas: aslong as it’s not my hoohoo
whit: hahahhaha

[ 349 ]
thomas: duane bought a truck
whit: whoa
thomas: it’s a small truck, but it’s got step up rails just for you

[ 348 ]
thomas: this isn’t whitney
whit: what
thomas: liar
thomas: anyway
whit: :(
thomas: haha
thomas: sucker
thomas: go on
thomas: keep talking
whit: jerk
thomas: no really
thomas: spaghettios
whit: i spilt them 2 days ago :(
thomas: hahaha
thomas: ok this is definitely whit
whit: i hateyou
thomas: i bet you hateme
whit: >:o>:o>:o

[ 347 ]
matt: ey i went to the fair and they had the worlds smallest woman there
matt: and i was like
matt: obviously they havnt seen whit
whit: ohhh i hate you

[ 346 ]
tim: well lemme know when ya get down and we’ll try to do something
tim: iono when im off this week
tim: I think friday
whit: well i won’t be there friday
whit: i’m leaving for ohio friday
tim: then ur worthless.
whit: lol, thanks ass
tim: you are the shortest link, GOODBYE
whit: >:o

[ 345 ]
grainger: are these buffalo wings?
kfc lady: sorry, i don’t speak spanish

[ 344 ]
brandi: i don’t date guys with a shoe size less than 10 and a half.
james: i could introduce you to tommy lee
brandi: that’d be like. the monty python.. god i need to go to church
chris: i wear an 11 size shoe

[ 343 ]
james: do you want collared shirts or t-shirts?
brandi: what’s the difference?

[ 342 ]
thomas: i’m eating batman spaghettios
thomas: HAHAHA
whit: haha, i have tried to avoid spaghettios for a while now
thomas: what, did one fail you as a life preserver?
whit: ass

[ 341 ]
referring to the appalcart leaving me standing at the bus stop.
mom: Are you going to talk to someone about the bus. Maybe he didn’t see you ‘cuz your short.
mom: Or maybe he thought you were a little kid waiting for the school bus
whit: >:o

[ 340 ]
matt: i was on vactaion to the outer banks
whit: nice :) how was it
matt: it was great
matt: i learned a lot of valuable lessons
matt: like never step on a crab even if you are wearing flipflops
whit: hahaha
matt: and never stick your finger in anything that came from the ocean
whit: what happened matt
matt: which time
matt: the crab latched on to my little toe
matt: and the fish that wasnt supposed to have teeth was really a fucking parana and ate my fucking thumb
matt: i won though cause he dead

[ 339 ]
joe: that’s the problem with these western digital hard drives. they don’t show the jumper configurations on the front.
steve: you know why that is? because it’s on the fucking back, you moron.

[ 338 ]
thomas: i was really fucked up last night
whit: haha nice
thomas: and i may have broke my hfinger
whit: your finger.
whit: thomas how do you break your finger

[ 337 ]
mom: Whitney, you won’t recognize your bathroom. It “shines like the top of the Chrysler Building”.
mom: I was even going to caulk around the tub, but when I was looking at the different kind of caulk at Lowes some guy hit on me and flustered the hell out of me! lol
mom: I forgot to buy the caulk.

[ 336 ]
whit: y0
grainger: hey!
whit: what up homeskittle
grainger: not a lot aptm&m
whit: hahahah

[ 335 ]
bobby: you’ll get tired of going out every night soon
bobby: and you’ll need someone to come home to
**bobby:**whit: lol
whit: i live by myself
bobby: i know
bobby: and i know there is probably much better looking guys trying to get with you
bobby: but i swear they arent near as cool as me
bobby: i dont even know them and i can already tell you that
bobby: plus they all have little penis’s

[ 334 ]
bobby: you are beginning to e-love me
bobby: when we meet you will fall head over heels
bobby: which wont be very far for you
whit: i hate you

[ 333 ]
whit: did you kiss him
brandi: hahaha.. well see.
brandi: yeah!
brandi: hahaha
whit: giiiirl
brandi: our date concluded at 5am this am!
whit: good god
brandi: so it was after 12 so i’m thinking we definitely had two dates..
brandi: so i kissed him on the 2nd date!
whit: hahahaha
brandi: so yeah.. i definitely kissed him on the 2nd date..

[ 332 ]
rob: BLAH
whit: blah to you
rob: :D
rob: i worry about myself sometimes
rob: but at least i dont have to worry about getting run over by shopping carts
whit: you suck

[ 331 ]
jill: i just got it downloaded
jill: now i need the seriel number
whit: i’m getting it
jill: yay!
whit: sends number
jill: wow
jill: that’s one hell of a number
whit: lol
jill: and you cant cut and paste it
whit: yeah
jill: it gave me some kind of a error
whit: did you type it correctly
jill: yeah
jill: i’m trying it again
whit: what’d it say
jill: error 1311. cource file not found: c:documents and settings
whit: uhh
whit: that’s an install problem
whit: lol
jill: alright
jill: lets see if it will work this time
jill: oh my god i’m an idiot
jill: i didnt unzip the file
whit: WOW
jill: shut up
jill: you can quit laughing now

[ 330 ]
jon: all the stupid crap you hear me say, why am I not on your random page?

[ 329 ]
eric: did you know both women and shorter people make less money
whit: i hate you
eric: ask Rob
whit: :'(
eric: our teacher was talkign about it
eric: so lets see, you make 28% less, then its like an extra 600 less per inch under 5’5 so, you’re going to make about 30 cents
eric: a year
whit: goddammit eric

[ 328 ]
whit: dude
whit: guess what i got in the mail today
rob: what?
rob: .. hehehehehehe..
rob: ok, i know im not supposed to say things like this
rob: but thats just fuckin’ hot for you
whit: hahahah
rob: and i might try to hump your leg
whit: uhh. did you talk to jill or something
rob: no, why
whit: sends IM session with jill posted below
rob: may heaven help us all..
whit: HAHAH

[ 327 ]
whit: i’m buying this
jill: wow
jill: that’s special
jill: dont wear that around rob
jill: he might hump your leg
whit: hahahahaha

[ 326 ]
whit: i am so bored
rob: want me to drive down for a nooner?
rob: ;)
whit: a nooner
rob: quickie, nooner, mid day romp, whatever
whit: ROB!!
whit: >:o
rob: im so glad im not within arms reach

[ 325 ]
ben: we’ll ride in bills truck with sarah and bill
whit: is bill her boyfriend?
whit: how big is this truck, lol
whit: do we get to ride in the bed
whit: k that came out sounding iffy
ben: ahahaha

[ 324 ]
jill: i found a place online that will make free buisness cards
jill: all you have to do is pay for the shipping
jill: i can see it now:
whit: oh dear
jill: Jillian Bonita Hutchens
Permanent Wingman for
whit: ahahahah

[ 323 ]
rob: once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ‘ hot xxx galore’. While i clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, ” ‘Tis not possible!”, i muttered, ” give me back my free hardcore!”… quoth the server, 404.
whit: hahhahaha that is awesome
rob: your drunk arent you
whit: no
whit: :(
rob: you usually dont find me this entertaining

[ 322 ]
chris: oops wrong button
whit: ?
chris: machine did something stupid
whit: oh ok
whit: well maybe you’re stupid
whit: O:-)
chris: its possible, i do stare at you
whit: ouch

[ 321 ]
leah: hey, i have a very important question.can you shuffle cards?
leah: i was asking cuz alex is mad at me cuz i can’t shuffle and i was praciticing and trying to learn, but i thought maybe my hands were too small, so i was like, if whit can do it, i can do it!

[ 320 ]
whit: what’s all that squeaking?
jill: the little kids from soccer camp
whit: oh god, that’s the sound of hell coming down the stairs. the beginning of the munchkin invasion.
jill: they’re probably looking for their leader.

[ 319 ]
whit: i wonder if they’ll give us marinara sauce if i ask for some
jill: probably..
whit: dude, it’ll be like cheese sticks except triangle shaped!!
whit: dumb comment #1 for the day.

[ 317 ]
phil: i just got back from nyc a few nights ago
whit: how was it
phil: crazy
whit: haha what’d you go for
phil: business
whit: lol, “business”.. sounds like a drug deal
phil: well when you’re colombian that’s what happens
whit: uhh

[ 316 ]
whit: he’s beautiful too. come to find out he’s just now going into 12th grade.
whit: :'(
rob: if it makes you feel any better, my sister used to bring home friends of hers, who i thought were her age, like 18, but nooo, their freshmen, like, 15 years old.. i felt like a pedophile
rob: or james

[ 315 ]
james: i just want a lazy basset hound that i pour beer in a bowl for

[ 314 ]
whit: iiiiii am hungrryrryyry
jill: you had nothing to eat in your house
whit: i know dude
whit: well
whit: we had reeses puffs
jill: so i had ice cream for breakfast

[ 313 ]
whit: is my hoodie still somewhere at work in a plastic bag, lol. did anyone ever find that
james: not in bag, but sitting on top of one of the other racks
james: rob wears it sometimes trying to be u

[ 312 ]
rob: yeah, so today, after james left, david earp was trying to explain to me how to do all this stuff.. and he wrote a bunch of long ass commands on the board, and i explained to him that it was simpler to install linux on my left nipple

[ 311 ]
talking about jill’s shirt:
whit: what color is it?
jill: it’s a greenish color, a little more turquoise. kind of like the color of your balls!
whit: thanks jill.

[ 309 ]
at kennedy&jessica’s wedding reception:
duane: AND we get to throw bird seed!
thomas: you can’t throw bird seed anymore dude, the birds eat it and then they blow up!
whit: thomas, you dumbass, birds EAT BIRD SEED! you can’t throw RICE anymore!
thomas: shut the fuck up i hate you

[ 308 ]
rob: whit
whit: ?
rob: you’re short
whit: you are too
rob: fuck you
whit: can’t handle the reverse can ya. ohhhhhh
rob: you wouldnt know anyways
whit: DUDE
rob: and if you do, then im really worried
whit: i was so not talking about that
rob: oh
rob: shit
rob: wait

[ 307 ]
eric: how could you reach the keyboard to tell james to tell me I suck
eric: you got a booster seat?
whit: i hate you

[ 306 ]
whit: dude i wanna do somethin outside it’s so nice
bobby: if i went outside would you wanna do me?

[ 305 ]
guess who: hmmm, you get job at hooters, you make friends, your boss is a friend, hooters are my friend….. you get pay raise and recomendation, and my pimp legend grows…

[ 304 ]
stephen: hey i could really use your help this weekend
whit: i’m gonna be at duke
stephen: i need someone to paint behind my fridge
whit: oh you suck

[ 302 ]
jason: a 3 day suspension would go on fincal transcript that goes to my college wouldnt it?
whit: not sure
whit: what was it for
jason: fucking profanity
whit: hahahahah

[ 300 ]
matt: it shouldnt make you feel like a dumbass though
matt: i mean there are a lot of other things that you could feel like a dumbass for lol jk
whit: stfu
matt: see it just doesnt have the same impact when its all condensed like that
whit: SHUT
whit: THE
whit: FUCK
whit: UP
whit: :-*
matt: oh gosh
matt: that had impact
whit: hahahaha

[ 299 ]
(too much information)
whit: you’ll appreciate this
whit: sends picture of “good things come in small packages” t-shirt
rob: stfu
whit: .

[ 298 ]
james: hey brandi, here’s a line.
james: GOOGLE THIS! opens shirt

[ 297 ]
chris: hey i have a computer ?
whit: ok
chris: i threw up on my computer this past weekend accidentally..could there possibly be any effects
chris: i mean it works fine
whit: hahahhaah
chris: kinda smells (any way i could get that out)
whit: doubtful
chris: damn

[ 296 ]
tech. support door randomly closes by itself.
whit: wtf was that?
james: oh that’s my little friend that just walked in.
(pats invisible friend on head)
whit: you know what, you’re starting to scare me even more.
james: and i haven’t even had the theraflu yet!!!

[ 295 ]
guy: nice website . forgot how i found it though
whit: thanks
guy: so hows college life?
guy: im still in highschool
guy: :-
whit: lovin it
guy: funny thing is . i was searching for midgets on google . midget fetish lol .
guy: no offense . short girls are hot!
whit: ohhh wow

[ 294 ]
james: when you get a minute, come help me. i can’t figure out how to turn off this laptop!
whit: what??? hold on
i walk over and hit power button.
james: how the hell did you do that?

[ 293 ]
ian: wow i feel so wonderful that you accepted me as a friend Hooray!
whit: hahaha
ian: it’s like getting the good toy that everyone wants in their happy meal
ian: w/extra salt on your fries
ian: mmm

[ 292 ]
wise words to remember.
adam: showers are for impressing people.

[ 291 ]
flores: did you get taller by any chance
flores: j/k
whit: you suck
flores: man i missed you hahahahaha

[ 290 ]
after drunken queensryche concert:
anthony: holy crap, i just saw your pictures and what the hell was i doing with my pants down in the middle of the street????!? fuck, i suck.

[ 289 ]
daniel trying to serenade me.
daniel: it makes me think of you, and that just makes me want to throw up.

[ 288 ]
this is what i wake up to.
dad: hi whit
dad: hi hi whit
dad: hi infinity whit
dad: hi wicked infinitiy

[ 287 ]
thomas: wtf
thomas: AM I NOT A BUDDY
whit: i said you guys were
whit: :(
whit: i meant all y’all
thomas: you didn’t tell me directly
thomas: which = thomas sucks and he cant come cause he aint got no hands
thomas: you bastard

[ 286 ]
mom: I have to get my nails cut. I’m typing like Grainger
whit: hahahha

[ 285 ]
singing to pat & i.
brandon: i was so depressed i slipped into a sea of anemone.

[ 284 ]
chris: i fell asleep a few hours ago and i woke up about 10 mins ago when my neighbor was yelling at some girls
whit: oh no
chris: he does that same routine multiple times a week, i dunno how he manages to piss so many girls off

[ 283 ]
chris: so while they were yelling at each other right outside my window, i picked up my guitar and started making whale noises with it
whit: hahahaha

[ 282 ]
whit: i could get punched in the nose right now and i’d still have a stupid grin on my face
ry~ry: lol can i come see?
whit: yeah NO!

[ 281 ]
whit: shut up
grainger: what did i tell you
grainger: tell me to shut up again and you’re goin in the grape jiuce

[ 280 ]
grainger: i figured out what kinda cracka you are
whit: uhh
grainger: you’re one of those crackers in the communion plate at church
whit: wtf
whit: why
grainger: theyre like this big
whit: ass

[ 279 ]
grainger: EAT CRACK AND DIE!!!!!
grainger: dont know where that came from
whit: lol
whit: you freak me out
grainger: well you would die if you ate crack
grainger: i think

[ 278 ]
whit: i put a bawls sticker on my laptop
whit: and i’m putting a gremlins sticker on the front
grainger: YES!!!!!!!
whit: lol
grainger: gremlins rock
grainger: you could be a gremlin
whit: shut
whit: up
grainger: except you aint hairy
grainger: .
whit: thank god

[ 277 ]
whit: dixie classic fair friday !!! :)
Auto response from curt: short people got no reason
short people got no reason
short people got no reason to live
whit: oh my god i hate you
chris: yea i know
chris: i’m a bitch

[ 276 ]
grainger: we all have our problems
grainger: your short and i
cnat type
grainger: see
grainger: together we make a
dislexic miniature violent minkey
grainger: monkey*

what in the hell

[ 275 ]
grainger: i almost got shit on today=-O
grainger: there was like 8000000 birds
whit: that’s not
whit: hahahahhaa
grainger: and i was dodgin em

[ 274 ]
whit: how was trivette
jarred: the food sucked
whit: well that bites
jarred: they tried to make
chinese food
jarred: it didn’t work

[ 273 ]
mitch: i love when other ppl break the rules with me so i dont feel so bad

[ 272 ]
sean: just watched a movie that reminded me o you
whit: what was it
sean: gremlins 2
whit: i hate you
sean: :D

[ 271 ]
jeremy: say something to convince me to pack!
whit: GO GO GO!
jeremy: wow that is strangely motivating
jeremy: ok! here I go!!

[ 270 ]
whit: you spelled genius wrong, genius
thomas: GOD DAMNIT

[ 269 ]
sarah: my suite mates smoke pot in the room a lot and the RA is dating the girl across from his room, and the guy down the hall watched porn with the door open
whit: hahahahh
sarah: o and the RAs girlfriend is never seen without cat ears on

[ 268 ]
tim: omg the cockroach from jurrasic park just crawled across my keyboard
whit: hahahaha
tim: its dayyead

[ 267 ]
@ bear rock cafe.
sam: these are huge straws… like broadband!!!

[ 266 ]
brandon: ur 2nd lesson is to start saying mayonays like[ mayonays a whole lot of people in here]

[ 265 ]
dave: yeah it was my first time being aneastitized
dave: i spelled that wrong

[ 264 ]
ben: i just can’t wait to tool around in the bug
whit: haha
whit: those things rock
ben: i was
about to say something to the extent that you strike me as a bug girl
whit: dude they’re so roomy inside
whit: but
whit: i wouldn’t wanna drive one. idk why
ben: sweetie.. every car is roomy to you..
whit: i hate you

[ 263 ]
even my mom makes fun of her.
mom: Ask your dad about your insurance info for your card.
mom: i mean car
mom: I type like Ryan
mom: oops
mom: her
mom: ment
whit: oh wow

[ 262 ]
at waffle house:
waiter: can i get you anything else?
whit: can i get a straw, please?
grainger: uhh. can i get a blanket?

[ 261 ]
grainger talking to my dog:
grainger: quit lickin’ yer balls. that’s not nice.

[ 260 ]
grainger: real gangsta ass krackas dont get tall
whit: hahahahhah
grainger: cause real gangsta ass crackas smoke crack rocks
whit: =-O
grainger: someone shoulda told you crack stunts your growth

[ 259 ]
grainger: i miss my cracka
damn right, biatches!

[ 258 ]
whit: sorry :-
charlie: its ok
charlie: i still hate you
whit: :'(
charlie: :-*
whit: i’ll call off the marriage
charlie: ok well
charlie: wait
charlie: NO
charlie: we have to get married, what else will id o when i get old?
whit: not me if you treat me like that>:o
**charlie:**whit: yessir

[ 257 ]
ry~ry: herment?
ry~ry: as in crab
ry~ry: is that right?
whit: wow
whit: her
whit: mit
ry~ry: o yeah

[ 256 ]
whit: lol
ry~ry: i mean tired
ry~ry: see
ry~ry: dilerious
ry~ry: how do you spell that?
whit: delirious?
ry~ry: o thanks
ry~ry: make me feel stupid
whit: you asked
whit: lol
ry~ry: whatever

[ 255 ]
whit: lol, why do we bitch all the time
doug: to keep up my persona of resident asshole

[ 254 ]
whit: “safety starts with teamwork”
ry~ry: no. no it doesn’t. it starts with safe
whit: .
ry~ry: what?

[ 253 ]
collin: i feel weird bout the sex thing with her recently
collin: i dunno i mean it was cool but i almost feel pressured to do it at this point
collin: its weird
collin: i think im a queer

[ 252 ]
jer: getting arrested wasnt my fault though i didnt know it was illegal
to hurl crystal burgers at pigeons
jer: apparently it was some type of animal abuse

[ 251 ]
grainger: time till total complete midgetness is: 21 hours 45 minutes
whit: >:o

[ 250 ]
grainger: shane new s/n smm vagina boy
whit: oh my god
grainger: ha
grainger: damn thats a good one

[ 249 ]
tay: she may be ugly, but she puts out

grainger: good god ohhhh fuckin all-goddamn-mighty fuckin jesus

[ 247 ]
tay: i totally wanna bang spiderman
whit: hahah
tay: a sensitive man in a tight little package
whit: nice
tay: i’m just kidding
tay: i prefer to have sex with animals
whit: ohhh ok
tay: cows, chickenz, snakez.
whit: how does that work with a snake
tay: i think you need a vagina to do it
whit: oh god
tay: no one told me that

[ 246 ]
anonymous: big family reunion?
whit: yep
anonymous: meet any guys

[ 245 ]
shane: in the great word of grainger….you are a damned moron

[ 244 ]
pat: glad you didint get coltrane or gardnerz
whit: haha why
pat: you’d b ivin nahoox
pat: oh goodness
pat: wtf happened to my keybaord
pat: you’d be living in a shoebox*
whit: hahahah
pat: you’d b ivin nahoox gur!

[ 243 ]
jarrod: i need to fins a girl that wants it to be millertime

[ 242 ]
wes: reboot me bitch!!! reboot AhhHHh!
wes: hahaha ya
wes: your geek sex
wes: and you’re going to tie a guy up to your bed with your pink ethernet cable

[ 241 ]
becky: whitney if I’m sick for graduation I’m puking on you

[ 240 ]
drew: i got a new rat
whit: ohh sweet
drew: his name is balls
drew: guess why
drew: lol
whit: hmm
whit: why
drew: hi balls are fucking HUGE!!

[ 239 ]
whit: shane said you’re retarded
john: whyd he say that
john: and retarded for what
whit: ’cause you called him a motherfucker
john: i dotn care
john: man hes changed alot since high school
whit: lol
whit: why
john: i call everyone a mother fucker, and i always called him a mother fucker at school and he never said i was retarded
john: oh well fuck it
whit: lol
whit: hahaha
whit: he wanted to get back at you
john: how is he gonna get back at me?
whit: by calling you retarded
whit: ..
john: ohhhh
john: damn i am a retard

[ 238 ]
duane: you’re my favorite midget

[ 237 ]
whit: becky i feel weird i have nails
becky: lol
becky: like black girl nails
whit: BECKY>:o
becky: what

[ 236 ]
thomas: i typed with mayonaise

[ 235 ]
guess who: dang i rock…im one of the few or only ppl that come to korea a virgin and leave with the v card still in the damn plastic wrapper

[ 234 ]
jer: i can hit every fucking note on that song she talks to angels cause i sang it so much ha
whit: want a cookie
jer: yep
jer: cause thats a hard fucking song
whit: haha
jer: we can half the cookie i’ll take one half and you can take the other and shove it up your ass sound cool ?
whit: >:o
jer: hahaha

[ 233 ]
early: i hate my computer, ugly fucking piece of monkey shit=-O
whit: hahahahahahaha

[ 232 ]
jer: only thing that touches this body is silk baby!! girl slaps you hiss hahaha
jer: woah i had a gay moment haha

[ 231 ]
shane: haha, my girlfriends a ankle biter
shane: :D

[ 230 ]
wtf matt?
matt: alright well im off to nappy poo

[ 229 ]
shane: flores thought it would be a good idea to use a paper bag as an ash tray
shane: and he caught my bed on fire

[ 228 ]
jer: you’re not a failure whit
jer: its just because you’re just short

[ 227 ]
shane: hahaha
shane: this movie is so gay, but its got short ppl everywhere
shane: im like holy shit
shane: there goes whit, oh no there she goes
shane: haha
shane: sorry

[ 226 ]
poor drew.
drew: can you translate something from girl to guy speak for me?

[ 225 ]
early: you would not believe how hard it is to put a .22 bullet through a hard-drive
early: it just bounces off
whit: lol, that’s probably not too safe.
early: thats what i said, but i kept on shootin at it
early: like it was a boyband or something

[ 224 ]
james: it was like somebody replaced his MRE with sugar sandwiches. this kid was all over Lotte World

[ 223 ]
thomas: my face hurts
whit: yea i bet, it’s killin me

[ 222 ]
whit: thomas cure my boredom
thomas: i got a star wars mod for battliefield OMG!!!!111ONE
whit: that is not curing my boredom
thomas: no but it cured mine. for a little while

[ 221 ]
ry~ry: oooooooooooooooooooooo my gosh
ry~ry: whitney
ry~ry: you are small

[ 220 ]

whit: i know you guys already gone and got freaky
jason: ?
jason: haha
jason: zes
jason: aklsdjfklaj
whit: hahaha

[ 219 ]
blake: but i like feeling gay
blake: bye whit!

[ 218 ]
whit: well i walked right into your bookbag
max: Haha.
whit: yep
max: You should’ve said hey, then hugged my kneecaps.
whit: :(
max: ?
max: What?
max: Sorry, my lack of short jokes has left me unsatisfied.
whit: >:o
max: You are the light of my day
whit: wow max
whit: that worries me
max: Kiss
me, oh goddess of my hormones.
whit: hahahahahahaha

[ 217 ]
peter: compared to your height, an inch of breast cleavage is alot
whit: stfu

[ 216 ]
pat: we had to hang out with blakes faggot ass cousins on friday, but its ok
whit: oh god
whit: what’s wrong with his cousins
pat: they should have been aborted
whit: ouch

[ 215 ]
grainger: yeah that really wasn’t jesus
whit: lol
grainger: he didn’t put the website
whit: yeah oh well
grainger: so i know it was a fake jesus
whit: ohhh ok
whit: does jesus have the same IP as you?
grainger: yeah he lives here
whit: suhweet

[ 214 ]
grainger: us tall peeps know how it iz ma skittle
whit: >:o
whit: ma skittle? wtf grainger
grainger: haha
grainger: yeah
grainger: you little like a skittle
grainger: oh snap i got rymes

[ 213 ]
grainger: oh you aint no thug
grainger: you a cracka

[ 212 ]
whit: no school YAY
pat: eat poop
whit: hahahhahaha

[ 211 ]
becky: like some people are liek ohhh shiny
whit: haahahahahh

[ 210 ]
grainger: i’m like a goddamn energizer bunny
grainger: i aint pink though

[ 209 ]
shane: i love you sweetie
shane: even if you are short
whit: >:o

[ 208 ]
shane: serious question here..
whit: ok
shane: do you suffer from tourettes?

[ 207 ]

[ 206 ]
whit: “what if gooodddd was one of uuuussss”
becky: lol you’re losing it
whit: :(

[ 205 ]
whit: you don’t love me
shane: no i dont
whit: =-O=-O=-O

[ 204 ]
curt: yeah so it’s one of those days with my mom
curt: maybe something will fall over and kill her as she walks downstairs
whit: GEEZ
curt: she’s such an idiot
whoa. chill out buddy!

[ 203 ]
whit: no school tomorrow
pat: whitney
pat: shut up
pat: i just walked a mile around campus today
pat: AND ICE
whit: cry me a river
whit: ;)
pat: hehe thats funny, because whenever i open my eyes outside the wind freezes them
pat: he;lp
whit: i love you pat
pat: thanks
pat: send me a butt warmer
whit: will do
pat: can i buy long underwear?
whit: hahaha. i’ll see what i can do

[ 202 ]
whit: i got a fudgecicle
whit: lol
grainger: oops im a goddamn moron
grainger: i put a s in juice

[ 201 ]
shane: O:-)
whit: yeah right. screw the goddang angel.
shane: no, im not that horny

[ 200 ]
whit: i can’t go anywhere

[ 199 ]
jer: i was so tired last night hadnt slept in 2 days
jer: i passed out right here
jer: had a space bar imprint on my face

[ 198 ]
whit: i hate snow
pat: snow is pure like jesus!

[ 197 ]
grainger: i bet my middle finger is thicker than your thumb.
holds up middle finger
grainger: yup
grainger: i bet that’s how they make those sweet midgets. they cut off your thumb and then they grow back.
confused look and silence
grainger: .are you a lizard?

[ 196 ]
drew: i showed her my balls
whit: ROFL

[ 195 ]
shane: what you listen to on the way home from your dads?
whit: since volvo didn’t fix my car right, i had to sing all the way home

[ 194 ]
whit: biatch
response from danny:
danny: what is that suppose to mean, huh?
danny: ooh
danny: i get it
danny: you have to take baths.
danny: so you dont get sucked into the drain :)
whit: >:o>:o>:o>:o>:o
whit: you are NOT nice
danny: don’t worry, a little growth hormone and you will be in the shower anytime now
danny: hahah!!!
whit: hahah!!! NO!

[ 193 ]
grainger: holy hell i just went out in the snow in my bare feet!!!
grainger: it burns
grainger: geico called and needed a phone number and i was half naked and the number was in my car

[ 192 ]
whit: dipshit
grainger: im sorry
whit: mmhm
grainger: mmhm is not a wizord
whit: neither is wizord
grainger: … damn

[ 191 ]
whit: BOO
grainger: OH MY GOD IT’S CASPER!!!!!
grainger: you’re shorter in real life
whit: >:o

[ 190 ]
shane: i look up to you believe it or not
whit: holy jesus how does that work
shane: not height wise
whit: >:o

[ 189 ]
early: wanna hear somethin totally amazing?
whit: sure!
early: its saturday night and im sober as a mouse:-)
early: i kinda like this sobriety thing
early: its a nice change
whit: hahaha, you’re a dork
early: hehehe
early: how so
early: being sober is somethin i needed
early: i think im sorta kinda growing up:-)

[ 188 ]
whit: shitassfuckdamnhellbitch HA
early: YES!!!!
early: thats gettin saved:-)
whit: hahahaha

[ 187 ]
early: CUSS DAMNITT!!!!!!!!!!!
early: that was supposed to be subliminal

[ 186 ]
duane: you should let ME name you
whit: lol. that scares me duane
duane: SMM Iwishiwas5′
duane: OH
whit: >:o

[ 185 ]
doug: lolololol how do you wrap a pillow
whit: umm. put a ribbon on it?
whit: i’ve never wrapped one
doug: me either
doug: im just gonna ball paper around it
doug: and write NOT A PILLOW on it

[ 184 ]

shane: im a mother fucking angel

[ 183 ]
(talking about what i got him for christmas)
grainger: i already know what they are
whit: haha really now
whit: what are they
grainger: a bone thugs cd a monty python shirt a brand new andy griffith dvd set and… A PrETTY PINK BIKE
grainger: i dont even know why i asked
grainger: cause i know i’m right

[ 182 ]
grainger: you wanna marry him dontcha
grainger: dontcha dontcha
grainger: ????
whit: well DUH
grainger: YES!!!!!! I’m GONNA BE A BEST MAN!!!!!!!!!
whit: hahha
whit: yes you are

[ 181 ]
max: Your thing didn’t pop up.
whit: hahahaha

[ 180 ]
whit: i made tunafish, and got some scalloped potatoes
shane: holy fuck thats horrible
whit: :(

[ 179 ]
larry: you’re hard to forget

[ 178 ]
shane: your norton file is virus infected
whit: do what
shane: yea, you heard me

[ 177 ]
whit: i am DRENCHED>:o
thomas: haha
thomas: because you walk in puddles in drown?
whit: >:o>:o>:o
thomas:[ 176 ]
whit: hey hey guess what i got
grainger: what do you have?
whit: PEZ!!!!11
grainger: OH FUCK!!

[ 175 ]
chad: hahaha
chad: four feet and eleven inches of hell bent fury!
whit: :D

[ 174 ]

whit: why don’t you just install aim+
ry~ry: how do i do that?
whit: uh. download aim+
whit: and double click it :D
ry~ry: bite me
whit: :D

[ 173 ]
pat: mike is on a ton of prozac right now
pat: you didint know that?
whit: whoa that’s scary
pat: yeah, he beat his dog to death with a tree branch so they had to give it to him
whit: OH GOD
whit: that’s horrible
whit: pat
whit: geez
pat: he’s the one that killed the dog, not me >:o
whit: you guys are so weird
pat: after he killed the dog he cut of its hind legs and wore them around his neck as a symbol of his passage to manhood
pat: it was like vietnamn all over again in his back yard
mike: it was kinda like nam
mike: i really liked that dog too, im an animal person
mike: id be a vet or a zoo worker if i could control myself

[ 172 ]
duane: My tracking senses (the ones I had to teach myself in Nam to get out of the barren jungle waste) tells me someone’s been to Scott’s
duane: and that someone has left
whit: huh
duane: .or maybe it’s not my tracking senses. maybe it’s just because there’s bigass footprints in the snow
whit: hahaha
whit: not mine!
duane: no
duane: yours are littleass footprints in the snow
whit: yeah i know shut up
duane: people under 5ft have small feet

[ 171 ]
shane: you wont never belive my company name
whit: what is it
shane: the Alpha “Renegades”
shane: oh snap, make sure to tell grainger

[ 170 ]
shane: AND if he has a prob with that, ill put my bradly through his bedroom wall
shane: tell those bastards that you gots a man, defending our country in korea
shane: yea yea yea, he donts want none of my TOW missles, my 25mm, my 7.62 coaxial or my 8 deadly dismounts

[ 169 ]
whit: i can’t believe i’m doing my homework. on a vacation
grainger: now you can be like “one day i did my homework, and i was in GEORGIA!” and your grandkids will be like “wow, grandma! you were livin’ it up!”

[ 168 ]
whit: i learned something in calculus today
whit: eschew obfuscation
grainger: it means “a cold eskimo mutation”
whit: uhh. it means “avoid confusion”
grainger: i know! same thing!
whit: as cold eskimo mutation?
grainger: is that not a confusion?!

[ 167 ]
early: God, i fucking hate pinkeye
early: i end up running into walls and shit
whit: lol
early: or fallin down the stairs

[ 166 ]
collin: she quit cheerleading yesterday though, and im glad too, cause that was severely cutting into sexual relations time

[ 165 ]
duane: do you have climicaphobia?
duane: The fear of staircases.
whit: are you watching charlie brown
duane: no
duane: well
duane: ..
duane: ok
duane: yeah. yeah I am
whit: SWEET
duane: but this doesn’t go further than us.
duane: You keep my secret.

[ 164 ]
drew: damn i just realized
drew: if i had a moose, i could ride it to class
whit: that would be awesome
drew: they are lightning fast so i would never be late
drew: and i could say “my moose ate my homework”

[ 163 ]
shane: ok, i have a q noone can seem to answer
whit: k
shane: how did i get so fuckin’ sexy
shane: i mean, numbers from a hat
shane: like #12 or sumtin
whit: maybe someone up there likes you & decided to bless you with sexiness
shane: maybe, i mean when god made me, he drew #12 from the hat. so its hard to believe that there are only 11 ppl in this entire world sexier than me

[ 162 ]
early: its a credit / bedit card
early: they just got the visa no.
whit: bedit card eh
early: :(
early: debit
whit: ;)
early: its been a long mornin.

[ 161 ]
dad: I’m only an idiot part of the time
dad: You’re a dweebus dorkanitate

[ 160 ]
mom, you’re a freak.
mom: So you are leaving tomorrow. Bet you’re excited. That army bag is in Roberto’s room if you want it. What is the plan?
whit: we’re leaving after i get out of school
mom: Okay, same guys going with you?
whit: me scott and grainger
mom: Your car?
whit: yea
mom: How come you didn’t invite me?
whit: ???
mom: LOL

[ 159 ]
blake: hey welcome home
whit: welcome home?
blake: from school?
whit: oh. yeah since like an hour ago, haha
blake: well i just got in
blake: DAMMIT

[ 158 ]
steve’s thoughts on life:
steve: its kinda like eating cereal
steve: ya gotta start eating the cereal part and not just pickin out the marshmallows

[ 157 ]

duane: Whit.
duane: serious face
duane: I love you.
whit: lol
duane: And I’m not even drunk
duane: so you KNOW i mean it.
whit: I HAVE PINK CAT-5!!!!!!!!!!!1111
duane: oh my fucking god
duane: i hate you again

[ 156 ]
whit: shane’s mom is telling me about where he & i should go on our ‘date’
byrd: red lobster, a movie and then to a park
whit: i’m not big on seafood
byrd: you’ll be spitting out puppies by this time next year
whit: why a park
whit: fjkw;jfew;af
whit: BYRD!>:o

[ 155 ]
grainger: you’re a goddamn druggie
whit: hahaha
grainger: freak
grainger: your a goddamn marker fume-aholic

[ 154 ]
grainger: dude. that tatoo that i said was a dog on my stepdads arm…
grainger: it’s not a dog
grainger: It’s my sister

[ 153 ]
grainger: =-O
grainger: that ain’t no popcorn chicken!
grainger: that’s a god damn chicken nugget!

[ 152 ]
grainger: bam your plane crashed

[ 151 ]
grainger: I am DEMON!!!!1
whit: lol ok
grainger: I banish you to hell
whit: :(
grainger: your gonna be a burnt cracker
grainger: hahahahahahaha

[ 150 ]
matt: matt isn’t a name. it’s something you step on. unless it’s me, and then it means gift from god

[ 149 ]
(read duane’s convo below this)
grainger: SHICKSAS>:o
grainger: you know what that means?
whit: ?
grainger: non-jew heathen bia
whit: oh geez
grainger: ok actually its a young female genitalia
grainger: oops i spelled that erong

[ 148 ]
duane: Hey shicksa
whit: hey
duane: wassup
whit: not a lot
whit: i’m bored
duane: should’ve stayed here
whit: too bad i couldn’t
duane: don’t listen to grainger
duane: shicksa = young female gentile

[ 147 ]
thomas: I had a pet nazi but I had to get rid of him, he kept yelling at everything.

[ 146 ]
grainger: you know what you did
whit: ?
grainger: you kizzled ma wizzle
whit: .
grainger: yeah thats right
grainger: you kicked my wang
grainger: and it hurts
whit: hahaha

[ 145 ]
whit: boo
grainger: holy fuck!!!!

[ 144 ]
grainger: just kick the holy fuck out of that kid for me ok
grainger: will you?
grainger: do it
whit: lol no
whit: he’s cool
grainger: you’ll be a rebel if you do
grainger: well then why the hell did he send you that site?
whit: idk
grainger: ask him and if he doesn’t have a good reason tell him your gonna beat the holly fuck out of him
grainger: or tell him “Graingers gonna beat the holy fuck outa you!!>:o”
whit: hahaha

[ 143 ]
whit: will you write my paper? :(
matt: will you let me test your grill?:-(

[ 142 ]
grainger: But.. I kick ass cause im a rebel and YOU DON’T cause you’re not
whit: thanks
grainger: your welcome
grainger: anyway you probly have to hit 5 feet to be a rebel

[ 141 ]
whit: sends link to big file
jon: dude i cant really do interenet on this comp

[ 140 ]
whit: sends the prologue to the canterbury tales in old english
thomas: wtf is that
whit: what i gotta memorize
thomas: why is it spelled like scott wrote it

[ 139 ]
whit: dude my mom made choc chip cheesecake. you gotta eat some
grainger: well ill be online
grainger: i’ve never had cheesecake before
grainger: Oh GOD
whit: =-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O=-O
grainger: i sound like you
grainger: Now i guess i’m the deprived child

[ 138 ]
whit: my outline is 3 pgs long
whit: and i can’t think of a conclusion
whit: it’s bugging me
thomas: Here’s a conclusion
thomas: In conclusion, I think circus peanuts should be banned from every household. You always end up buying 5 packs of them and after the first pack they begin to make you sick, but you lways end up eating all 5 packs. Then comes the vomiting and such.
whit: hahaha

[ 137 ]
grainger: you know what?
grainger: you’re my favorite cracker

[ 136 ]
grainger: i hate pants
grainger: nobody should have to wear pants!

[ 135 ]
whit: what the hell are you eating?
grainger: haven’t you ever tried penrose sausages???
whit: no.
grainger: you are a freak! i mean, look at the ingredients. beef, mechanically separated chicken, water, beef hearts. YOU DON’T WANT BEEF HEARTS?!?

[ 134 ]
whit: was that your sausage that just fell on the floor?
grainger: no. my sausages aren’t that hard

[ 133 ]
whit: WHOA! that guy had really cool earrings
grainger: i thought he was bald.

[ 132 ]
andy: yeah, it’s like “Here’s all the cool people quotes, and Andy’s not in it because he’s not cool” and then it craps on me and laughs

[ 131 ]
max: According to the Catholics, Jesus is going to hell.
max: So if the Catholics are going to heaven and everyone else to hell, it’ll be like one everlasting Jew party with Jesus as the host!

[ 130 ]
byrd: i’m gonna start binaryism
byrd: if u haev all bits turned on u go to heavin

[ 129 ]

mom: How do I get to the movies your dad put on the computer.
whit: hit start
mom: yeah then what
whit: click “Local Disk (D:-)”
whit: oops
whit: wait
whit: click “Local Disk (D :-)”
whit: dangit
whit: it keeps replacing it
mom: what’s a dangit

[ 128 ]
whit: jesus
grainger: he does NOT like foot porn

[ 127 ]
grainger: i just heard/saw the funniest thing…eveeeeeeer
whit: what is it
grainger: i stepped on the damn cats paw and he went, “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck” (like a little girl with a fucked up throught), so it scared me and i ran.byt as i ran i kicked it in the face so it ended with an “uugh” and it ran and hid

[ 126 ]
byrd: lol
byrd: i love that bastard
(in response to grainger’s stupidity ^)

[ 125 ]
grainger: all for the sake of vigilante justice
whit: ahhhhhhhhh
grainger: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
grainger: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogh
grainger: DETH METAL
grainger: OOOOOOOOOOOOOGH motha fucak
grainger: fucak fucak fucak
whit: woooooooooooo what the crap is fucak

[ 124 ]
shane: you’re playin’ paintball with us that weekend right?
shane: scared?
whit: yep
shane: why? don’t be scared. it only hurts a little bit. and it’d be like shooting a gnome in the woods. SHOOT THE DAMN GNOME!!! WHERE’D IT GO!!!

[ 123 ]
michael: black nail polish and bubble gum
michael: thats so hot

[ 122 ]
grainger: that was way over yo head cause it was 3 feet high
grainger: oh damn im funny
grainger: hahehahehahehahehahehahe
whit: >:o
grainger: haha
grainger: its not my fault you’re 2’11”

[ 121 ]
thomas: the fuckin arm bit my mosquito
(he was drunk)

[ 120 ]
thomas: that fuckin mosquito fucked me.
whit: it fucked you?
thomas: yeah, it fuckin fucked me!
(he was still drunk)

[ 119 ]
whit: boo
zach: to what
zach: ?
whit: boo
whit: you go “AHH!”
zach: umm no
zach: first of all
whit: :(
zach: your to short to be a damn ghost
whit: :(
zach: people wouldnt see you and just hear boo and think someone was crying

[ 118 ]
whit: you’re weird
sac estar: your face is
whit: hahaha
whit: shutup
whit: i know
sac estar: LOL

[ 117 ]
duane: but it’s got those damn blinky dots back in it >:o
whit: hahahahaha
whit: YUP
duane: blinkyblinkyblinkyblinky
duane: aeanshfdsdfbnsajsajfs
duane: hahahaha

[ 116 ]
zach: What is up?
whit: hey h/o
zach: he ok
whit: ok sorry
zach: ?
zach: damn
zach: you just got back?
whit: haha yeah
zach: I forgot all about you

[ 115 ]
duane: whoa
duane: .
whit: ?
duane: did you just cherp.
whit: hahahha
whit: no
duane: no i think you did, sir
whit: i said eep
duane: .
duane: sounds like cheep to me
whit: no
duane: cheep cheep BAM whitney the bird slaya
whit: >:o

[ 114 ]
people making fun of whit for spilling 2374805 spaghettios:
collin: hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
curt: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
josh: holy shit meat balls
zach: Damn you are a messy eater!

[ 113 ]
quinn: rofl
quinn: im sexy with green hair

[ 112 ]
quinn: whoa
quinn: i can make myself hotter by using makeup in photoshop
whit: sweeet
quinn: wonder if i can tan in here
quinn: oh smack i can

[ 111 ]
thomas: Broken hearts, broken bones, broken promises
whit: well then
thomas: haha that was emo
thomas: smack me please
thomas: I feel like Zach

[ 110 ]
duane: ok ok
duane: I don’t HATE you
duane: in fact.. i like you
whit: good
duane: but.. that’s not the point here
duane: the point is
duane: ..
duane: chocolate hotdogs suck.
duane: coz then you just got too much sweet chocolatey stuff
duane: and it sucks

[ 109 ]
kyle: does whitney come with karate chop action

[ 108 ]
tim: goodnight whitney
whit: nightnight
tim: take care
tim: keep ur head up
tim: I know it wont go far
tim: but still

[ 107 ]
chase: you know those go-gurt things?
whit: ewww
chase: they now fill those same tubes up with peanut butter.
chase: for when you are on the go and need some peanut butter..
whit: eww
chase: yeah.made me think of you
whit: hahaha what
chase: nasty small things..
whit: >:o>:o>:o

[ 106 ]
john: w00t!
john: Maury!
john: He’s the man, savin’ lives ‘n stuff.
whit: hahaha
john: I always thought he was overlooked.
john: Like Montel.
john: Damn Oprah stealin’ their thunder and all.

[ 105 ]
whit: cool beans
duane: ..
duane: warm jello?
whit: GROSS

[ 104 ]
duane: I’m an effin programming God, I swear

[ 103 ]
whit: everyone makes fun of whit :(
doug: grow

[ 102 ]
whit: yup. i was water proof today
tim: hehe
tim: didnt drown in any puddles?
whit: >:o

[ 101 ]
curt: wow
curt: i live in a soap opera. . . .
whit: hahaha
curt: maybe it’s the other way around
curt: hollywood
is just high school with money haha

[ 100 ]
duane: gimme a new song
whit: FREEEEBIIRDD!!!!!!!!111
duane: ..
duane: I’ll kill you.

[ 99 ]
duane: I want something
duane: to scream at me
duane: coz I’m in a really fuckin good energetic mood
duane: haha
whit: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
duane: NO NOT YOU >:o
duane: ass

[ 98 ]
whit: lol what’s goin on
doug: ddr
doug: is whats goin on

[ 97 ]
duane: blah u, sir
whit: i’m a ma’am
whit: >:o
duane: no no.
duane: you’re whatever the hell I want u to be! >:o
duane: CAPULET!
whit: >:o
duane: ur a capulet
duane: gasp

[ 96 ]
duane: ASL
whit: 62/m/ri
duane: just my type :-*

[ 95 ]
duane: i may need ur help :-
whit: again
whit: ok
whit: with what
duane: if u dont mind
duane: php
whit: ohh goodness gracious
whit: he asked me for help
whit: =-O=-O=-O
duane: he who
duane: yah
duane: oh
duane: yah
duane: fuckan ego
duane: >:o

[ 94 ]
duane: im getting pissed
duane: at this router
duane: ima throw it >:o

[ 93 ]
duane: i doubt that’ll work
duane: coz it’s not working for me.. though i can do localhost
whit: you b0rked it
duane: >:o
whit: :)
whit: O:-)
duane: err
whit: lol you b0rked it TWICE!!!
whit: THRICE!!!
whit: jesus you’re on a roll=-O=-O=-O
duane: shutup
duane: i hate you

[ 92 ]
duane: did u just say durnit
whit: yeah.
duane: ..

[ 91 ]
zach: well
zach: its almost 4 now dangit
whit: lol it’s only 1:30
whit: what the heck
zach: close enough
zach: give or take a few hours

[ 90 ]
thomas: who’s got spaghettiO’s
thomas: .ido ido
whit: FJIWJFWFafjdks;a>:o>:o>:o>:o
whit: GIMME!!!
thomas: haha, helllz no

[ 89 ]
max: We need to give you “how to be a badass” lessons.

[ 88 ]
duane: yah well.. I’ll go next time.. I’m a big guy they’ll be like ‘omg whoa back off G’ and i’ll be like ‘yah don’t touch her ok she’s short and is a control freak omg’
whit: hahaha

[ 87 ]
jason: thats part of being a badass
jason: whats some other parts
whit: i have no clue
whit: i’m not a badass :-X
jason: oh, how to seduce a guy without fail

[ 86 ]
ry~ry: WHITNEY
whit: RYRY
ry~ry: I’MA THUG!
whit: oh god
whit: no
ry~ry: and i will be commiting a thug crime in 37 minutes
whit: first you say “holla” then you have a “boo”, NOT a booboo, and now you’re a thug
ry~ry: yes.i’m well on my way to becoming black

[ 85 ]
whit: i love you :)
doug: i love you to
doug: yea
whit: like omg how much
doug: |______________________|
doug: id love you more if i had boobie pics though
whit: lol ohhhh ok ;)

[ 84 ]
tim: yes we are pwning ur boards
whit: haha i noticed
tim: we will take over
tim: slowly
whit: :)
tim: and it will be
whit: hahahahah
tim: and you will listen to every word I have to say

[ 83 ]
pat: =-O
pat: Xshort X stackX: kok

[ 82 ]
steve: so ya been eating a lot of ice cream?
whit: no, gummy worms
whit: i do too
whit: i bought 5 bags at cvs at like 9
whit: i’ll bring you some next time i see you
steve: K
whit: you know these are hard to eat when they’re not mushy and you have braces
steve: yea, i wouldnt know about the braces part tho
whit: lol
steve: but they are great warm and mushy
whit: yes they are
whit: but these are cold
steve: sit on them
whit: wow. never thought of that
steve: i go to carolina
whit: yes you do

[ 81 ]
ry~ry: there is nothing funny about me in ur profile anymore!!
ry~ry: its all old
whit: yeah say something stupid
ry~ry: thats very VERY SAD
ry~ry: uhhh
ry~ry: o geez
ry~ry: now if u hadn’t asked me too it wouldn’t have been a problem
ry~ry: they usually just kinda pop right out
whit: hahahahhaa

[ 80 ]
whit: doug. will you marry me O:-)
doug: do i get boobie pics

[ 79 ]
doug: it was funny, i got angry at my computer and i hit it. thent hepower went out

[ 78 ]
whit: what is it you’re trying to tell me?
doug: i want a steak
whit: lol ohhh right
doug: im serious
whit: you want steak?
whit: i don’t know how to cook steak
doug: you better learn by thursday
whit: :-
whit: i suck at cooking
doug: im sorry
whit: that could create a problem
doug: you better unsuck
doug: by teh 20
doug: its like guys valentines
whit: hahaha

[ 77 ]
quinn: good, i mean you cant swim in the ocean
quinn: its like -300C
whit: whaaa.
whit: that bad?
quinn: yeah ffuccckiin freezing
whit: haha be a man, quinn. beast it out and freeze your ass off.
quinn: i dont have an ass!
whit: ohhh right

[ 76 ]
sam: why should i go on living?
whit: because you’re cool
sam: oh that
whit: lol
sam: well i GUESS i can go on for anohter few decades at least
whit: ok good
whit: like 10
whit: hahahhaa yeah!
sam: ill get some sort of cancer by then
whit: no you’ll just be wrinkly
sam: if not airborn herpes or scurvy
whit: oh yuck

[ 75 ]
sam: i bet they’re just innocently looking at your buttocks
whit: eh. thanks sam.
whit: lol
sam: hehe thats a funny word
sam: buttocks
sam: bUt0x
sam: bU70x
whit: wow. lol
sam: its 1337 potty mouth

[ 74 ]
ry~ry: they’re like talkin’ about all these people and i’m like WHEN are all the horses comin’?

[ 73 ]
ry~ry: i think that the bawls should say”……~twitchy-twitchy”
ry~ry: hahahahahahaha
ry~ry: HI2U
(ry~ry.. trying to be doug)

[ 72 ]
doug: i got my other HD to work
whit: sweeet
doug: 200 gigs
whit: holy god
doug: yea
whit: wow..
doug: i filled my 80 up :-X
whit: lol doug. what is on it.
doug: movies, music, games
whit: mmhm. sure.:)
doug: >:o

[ 71 ]
doug: puke on your cat
doug: then eat it
(he scares me at times. >:O )

[ 70 ]
brandon: i think a tree just feel on the barn
brandon: hang on
whit: eew that isn’t good
brandon: hell yes
brandon: ok im back
whit: k
brandon: its a little tree
brandon: thank god

[ 69 ]
mike: There was a chick in one of my science classes a while back who made up an element to do a project on
mike: she called it “Hoxogyn”
whit: ohh wow
mike: Symbol was “Hx”

[ 68 ]
ry~ry: oo i have to pee
ry~ry: oo i feel the burn
ry~ry: oh no! whitney! the seat fell in!!!
ry~ry: now i’m feeling the burn!

[ 67 ]
mike: Youd dont know how much it means to me to be in your profile, i just laugh to myself when i think about it, all warm and cozy in meh chocha.
whit: lol oh god
mike: And now i must sleep, dreaming, and knowing that i will forever be remeberd in the profile of whitney powell, where dream come true, and candy bars dance on rivers of grape kool-aid, under skittle rainclouds.
mike: and odl fanta can trees

[ 66 ]
mike: gets all pouty
whit: lol
mike: The ONE Time i need something from you whit, THE ONE TIME!!!!!11!1! and you let me down
mike: you let me right down into the chocha of despair
whit: :'(
mike: Wait, oh waitr
mike: there may just be a way for you too fix all this trouble youve caused
mike: call everyone at there house who hasnt voted yet, and make them do it
mike: thats all you have to do
whit: hahhaha ohhh no
mike: shrugs What are you too short to do it or something?
whit: >:o
mike: myb,myb,myb =-O
mike: (everything that happened in the conversation above is completely fictional, its not real, its just sill gabbering, there is no reason to take offence to any of it, at all. and also i am not the leader of the “make kevinlloyd look stupid” conspiricy. And yes you can be a member for free)

[ 65 ]
mike: Curly Fries!
whit: ?
mike: Same effect as Holy Jesus, just different words
whit: ohh right
mike: see, Holy (adj.) Jesus (Noun)
mike: and Curly (adj) Fries (noun)
mike: english is like magic isnt it
whit: oh yeah
mike: No
mike: No whitney its not like magic
mike: English is an evil tool of the devil

[ 64 ]
mike: Im a little dissapointed in the preliminary results whitney. and also some voted for “make your own damn sandwiches” which is unnaceptable (wonder who that was) what can WE do to fix this whitinay? Hum? how can WE make this allllll better…
whit: lol what do you want me to do?
whit: haha oh btw. i sent a private message to everyone
mike: Well, i wan you to “alter” these poll results. Can we do this?
whit: nope :)
mike: Im sure we can whitney, im so sure we can
whit: lol no we can’t
mike: lol, oh dont dissaapoint me whitney. DOnt make me angry, you wouldnt like me when im angry
whit: hahaha

[ 63 ]
mike: Damnit, there is a cat stomping on meh nuts with is claws, be glad youll never get to experience that!
whit: hahahhahahaa

[ 62 ]
max: Have fun with Doug.
whit: lol
max: You know you will.
max: You’ll be all like whoo whoo! Type that code you bitch type it!

[ 61 ]
stein: if i still have it around, i can dig out the old FP version
whit: well i opened the one we have now in frontpage and it’s fine.
stein: ah, alright then
stein: YOU’LL GET NOTHING >:o>:o>:o>:o>:o
stein: ;)
whit: OK THEN!! >:o>:o
stein: my webserver won’t show up to the outside world :(
whit: BITCH!
whit: hahaha
stein: OMFG!!!!

[ 60 ]
steve: im in the boat
whit: wtf.. what are you doing in a boat
steve: oops, i meant to say im in the same boat
whit: hahaha

[ 59 ]
doug: you watch it
doug: or ill take the bat to ya
whit: :(
doug: ohh you’ll be crying all right

[ 58 ]
doug: have you ever had bolognia and crackes
(no, he can’t spell :-D)

[ 57 ]
kevin: yeah, you’re now my bitch
(shhh. don’t tell doug)

[ 56 ]
doug: so why dont you go sledding
whit: because no one is out there besides the little kids
doug: so call them
whit: not yet
whit: plus it’s windy :(
doug: yea, you might get blown away
whit: >:o

[ 55 ]
mike: I can hardly see the snow cause there is all this SNOW IN THE WAY!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHYAEAEAEAEAAAAA!

[ 54 ]
whit: blake!
blake: whitley!
blake: er

[ 53 ]
doug: as my forefathers used to say when it snowed.. tunak tunak
whit: lol oh right
whit: towelhead eh?
doug: >:o
doug: muslim

[ 52 ]
doug: whitney
doug: im leaving you
doug: for brad
whit: :'(
doug: he got band of brothers to work
doug: im sorry
doug: but he gives me sound
brad: damn
brad: whats jen gonna think?
whit: :'(
brad: whitney, you can have him back. i’m not quite sure i could stand kissing doug

[ 51 ]
quinn: still in tha PJ’s?
whit: oh yes
quinn: =-o
quinn: thats hot
whit: ohh oh.. VS pj’s.
quinn: boing
quinn: thats it you’ve done it
whit: hahahaha
quinn: say oh yes some more
quinn: talk to me
whit: lol
quinn: ohhhhhhhhhhhh

[ 50 ]
doug: i wont hit you anymore
whit: good
doug: if you make my bed

[ 49 ]
max: SHUT UP!
whit: NO!

[ 48 ]
doug: cleaning would require me getting out of bed
doug: and im not doing that
whit: fine
doug: you can come clean it though
whit: :(
doug: quit frowning and come clean my room
doug: woman ^ signs of an abusive male

[ 47 ]
brad: well?
brad: what did you get???
whit: thongs
whit: lots of them
brad: lol
brad: why do you need thongs?
whit: because they’re comfy and that’s all i wear :-X
brad: they’re COMFY?
whit: heck yeah dude
brad: its a thing up your butt
whit: hahahahaha
brad: i wouldnt wear one no way
whit: lol

[ 46 ]
däf: look out, you’re about the size of one of his snacks
däf: try your best not to look like a pop tart ;)
whit: grrr

[ 45 ]
quinn: packing up my stizuff
whit: cool beans
quinn: two shirts some jeans and a ti-89
whit: hahaha
quinn: the sex appeal is mind boggling

[ 44 ]
michael: i downloaded winfax the other day.
michael: then i got majong master
michael: i play the watch the download bar game

[ 43 ]
quinn: im just a cuddle bitch is all
däf: he’s the horniest nerd in three states, that’s all

[ 42 ]
whit: max, my hamster doesn’t love you
max: I believe the size matter of a hamster would be more suitable for you.
whit: >:o

[ 41 ]
whit: sup dudeman
däf: hey candypants
^ prevert >:O .heh – [ 40 ]
doug: :D
doug: whitney
doug: I love you, will you marry me and we can print physics reasearch papers together.

[ 39 ]
doug: >:o
doug: bwar
whit: haha right
doug: :(
doug: you r not afraid?
whit: :D
doug: im a failure
doug: i cant make a midgit scared
whit: >:o
doug: ill go into hiding now
doug: bye

[ 38 ]
max: Where is Whitney?
doug: tied up naked in the closet
max: Then what are you doing out there? Get to that damn closet.
doug: yea ur right
doug: bbl, much later

[ 37 ]
doug: blond moment i guess
ry~ry: huh?

[ 36 ]
ry~ry: thats scary
ry~ry: *scarey
ry~ry: whatever
ry~ry: n/m

[ 35 ]
doug: whitney
whit: doug
doug: your feet make me want to do the nerd mambo

[ 34 ]
whit: i gotta find the tree
whit: i think it’s in the attic
doug: haha
whit: it’s like 4 feet tall
doug: whitney sized tree
whit: ahhhhhhh damn you

[ 33 ]
doug: i was like “can i go to whitneys if we have no power”
doug: they were liek “yea”

[ 32 ]
john: i wish i was funny enough to go in your profile

[ 31 ]
doug: a hairy footed women with boobs.. drool

[ 30 ]
doug: you just couldnt see it, because your to FUCKING SHORT!!!
doug: that wasnt nice (he talks to himself)

[ 29 ]
doug: i know the truth
(see. :-x)

[ 28 ]
quinn: i think im in love with you
whit: lol no
quinn: oh i think your right
quinn: thanks for clearing it up for me
quinn: :D

[ 27 ]
quinn: where do sexy men pick up lonly women in this town
whit: ;) at the mall
quinn: tried that, they are all 14
whit: hahahaha. but quinn, i thought love had no bounds
quinn: my snake does
whit: LOL

[ 26 ]
whit: yea matt. i look like a damn poptart.
whit: butthead.
matt: well u might
matt: i like the frosted kind though and that couldbe difficult to pull off
whit: i could be frosty
matt: i could eat u
matt: that didnt come out right at all
whit: hahahahahaha

[ 25 ]
whit: i wish parents wouldn’t make kids that look that scary
quinn: she is hot babe
whit: EWWW
whit: oh i didn’t wanna hear that
quinn: look how wide her mouth gets :)
whit: QUINN!!!
quinn: =-o
whit: eww
quinn: >:o
quinn: id hit it, thats all im sayin
whit: gross. dude, she’s 11
quinn: rofl
quinn: love has no bounds

[ 24 ]
max: Dude.
max: No.
whit: dude
whit: yes
max: Wait.
max: What are you talking about?
whit: i don’t know. i was just talking.
whit: what are YOU talking about
max: Your hot body.
whit: haha WHATEVER
max: It’s like WHAPOW!

[ 23 ]
mark: you just need some good sex

[ 22 ]
doug: and THATS why you dont have a credit card
whit: :D
doug: i need my credit card
doug: they should put a warning on them, “dont give these to people under the height of 5’3, because it endangers people around them”

[ 21 ]
doug: im serious
whit: no >:o
doug: as a dead baby in a dumpster
doug: god damnit whitney
doug: do my fucking laundry
doug: im taking you to court
doug: motha fucka
doug: im gonna fuck you up

[ 20 ]
whit: yours went over another guys
doug: never say that again

[ 19 ]
doug: its ok
doug: we both know who the real moron is
whit: you!
doug: that wasnt nice at all

[ 18 ]
ry~ry: whitney.we make funny friends
ry~ry: yes.yes we do
ry~ry: dislexic
ry~ry: xedisic
ry~ry: l
ry~ry: spooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn guarddddddddd

[ 17 ]
doug: fucking a
whit: donkey

[ 16 ]
steve: i can make my boobies jump
whit: lol SWEET

[ 15 ]
tim: sexual repression leads to an explosion of sexual desires in later times

[ 14 ]
doug: im caressing my new woman
doug: she has three heads

[ 13 ]
whit: i feel like shit
max: What happened?
whit: wicked sore throat
max: I told you not to make out with Doug!
whit: oh god

[ 12 ]
doug: im gonna sit on you
max: At which point, I will shove a dagger up your ass.
doug: you carry a dagger?
max: Yeah.
max: What, you thought I was happy to see you?

[ 11 ]
doug: i dont think my mom hates you anymore
doug: she was like “when do i get to meet whitneys mom”
whit: never
whit: my mom doesn’t want to

[ 10 ]
max: I wanna date this field hockey player.
whit: lol ok
max: She’s talking about how she does it for 70 minutes in 11 positions.
max: I’m like Whoo Whoo!

[ 9 ]
ryan: you couldve donated it to toys for tots or something
ryan: those kids need anything they can get
whit: that thing won’t do much. and plus i didnt really think about that actually. might’ve worked. but i just took it back
ryan: yes it would
ryan: they couldve played porn star with it

[ 8 ]
doug: your talking a lot of shit for a person who shrinks half an inch
doug: /pwnd
whit: >:o

[ 7 ]
doug: give me paint whitney
whit: no
doug: now damnit
whit: >:o
whit: NO!
whit: fucker
doug: YES!
doug: ass licker
whit: ickyfuck!
doug: ROFL!

[ 6 ]
quinn: on my escalade
whit: hahaha
quinn: you can ride with me :-*
quinn: once i get you a chromed out step ladder, hahahahahah :P
whit: >:o
quinn: =-o

[ 5 ]
whit: i know. nevermind. lol that went over your head.
scott: well then its way over urs
whit: >:o

[ 4 ]

bob: have u seen that show on mtv that cartoon
bob: its that
whit: i don’t have mtv ;)
bob: oh
bob: its cool and live changing. well at least for a freshman with not man brain cells

[ 3 ]
bob: i have an experiment for me and u to try
bob: do this
bob: take your keyboard and hit your head on it and see what it spells
whit: 6ygh
bob: here it goes
bob: y7u6hty
whit: yours is bigger
bob: 76y
whit: FINE
bob: ooooooo that hurt my nose
whit: 67yyuijuijuijuij
whit: haha awww
bob: darn computer and stupid ideas

[ 2 ]
chris: grr you know what makes me mad

whit: ?
chris: i cant say “i wish i was funny enough to ge to on your profile” so i can get on your profile
whit: lol
chris: im gonna go kick that guy in the shin and then run screaming like a girl cause he makes me mad
whit: aw poor john

[ 1 ]
andy: my sister made me breakfast in bed…but i woke up earlier than she she brought me breakfast in shower