Mentally Exhausted

the last 2 weeks feel like they have been just… non stop.

red hat training was 9-5 every day. then at night i would go back to the apartment, and either study or work on websites until i finally passed out at midnight or later.

last weekend, immediately after training and exams, brett and i were all over the place visiting family. driving here and there the whole 3 days. parents, grandparents, 4 different cities, hours apart. lots of fun, but exhausting.

this past week? ugghhh. my job is generally not stressful. but i think the week before caused me to start out with a less than acceptable energy level. i was drained.

i took half days twice. once because i thought my truck was going to get hailed on and we were going to get blown away in a tornado (false alarm). the second day was because i felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing me in the ovaries with a broken off broom handle. i have never had random pains like that–bad enough to put me in tears. why, oh why, do women have these issues?!

plus, every night the last 2 weeks has been spent writing code and working on websites. every. single. night. it has been… ridiculous, actually. i haven’t given myself the time of day. i have trouble stopping a project in the middle and taking a break. i work until i get it finished, or it drives me nuts. so that’s what i did. until 11 or later usually. and when i took half days off work, i didn’t just sit at home. instead, i worked on this crap for even longer.

if i took a break at all, it was to shower. or clean. or cook. or take loki out.

freelancing is fun because it’s extra income and it keeps me busy, but i am not good at scheduling or keeping hours. this is 100% my fault, i realize. but that’s just how i am. this usually ends up being a bad thing.

i finally broke down friday afternoon driving home from the grocery store. partially because of the tear-inducing cramps, but mostly because of stress. i haven’t cried like that in months. it had to come out, and i drove home in tears. i felt better. watered the flowers, unloaded groceries, and cracked open a cold beer.

brett got home, i unloaded my stress, he hugged me and told me that i wasn’t allowed to work on websites this weekend. he could visibly see it just making me miserable (and no fun). and then i started receiving emails from clients friday afternoon, and i did it anyway. despite the little voice in my head saying WAIT UNTIL MONDAY WOMAN YOU NEED A BREAK.

finally… FINALLY we got to sleep in on saturday morning. we went downtown, had lunch at the noisy oyster, had a couple drinks, walked around market street, stopped at ben&jerry’s, and bought some random crap for the apartment. it was sunny and beautiful and 80 degrees… awesome. we need to get out of the house more.

came home and cleaned the apartment. i baked cupcakes and buffalo wings. friends came over to watch UFC. i was so tired by that point that i started falling asleep during the GSP fight (so… sad… but in my defense, it wasn’t a very exciting fight).

everyone left. we cleaned up a bit. i passed out COLD. we slept until 1 this afternoon. apparently we were both drained. i made us sausage egg and cheese biscuits for breakfast/lunch. and what have i been doing ever since? working on my effing angry birds apps. i think this borderlines on self-abuse.

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