Losing My Marbles

let’s see… this is what my month looks like.

11/04 – IT service management exam
11/05 – AITP meeting, visual basic project due
11/06 – security exam
11/08 – appalachLAN XII
11/10 – case analysis due, committee meeting
11/12 – org. behavior exam, project management meeting?, charlotte
11/14 – interview in charlotte, ITIL certification exam
11/17 – case analysis due
11/18 – project management charlotte trip?
11/19 – interview in virginia
11/20 – mine and adam’s 3-year anniversary….. hopefully we’ll get to talk!
11/21 – AITP cisco trip

…then maybe home AND virginia for thanksgiving?

and somewhere in there are 2 more interviews with dates that are not yet decided upon, another vb project, getting at least SOMETHING in writing to start my essay to submit to the AITP conference for my independent study…

i know i’m probably blowing things out of proportion like i usually am. last week was my 7th interview. i think i’m just overwhelmed and i feel like a glimpse of the real world is being shoved down my throat a semester too early. i’m not ready for it. quite honestly, i’m scared shitless. with all these job interviews that are literally all over the place, it scares me to think that adam and i might spend the next few years STILL being long distance.

i’m also scared of making a bad decision when it comes to all these interviews. some of them i am really excited about being potential careers for me… ones that i will truly enjoy and get a lot out of… ones that could force me to learn all the things i’ve wanted to learn and haven’t been able to. others i think i’m mostly doing because while they could also be potential careers, they’re providing me with valuable experiences, but they don’t necessarily entail what i really want to do in life (like i know what i want to do–i clearly don’t, but they seem like less of a fit). plus, there are a handful of job opportunities that are waiting for me next semester, but if one of these companies this semester gives me a really good offer with a deadline tacked onto it–will i be missing out on the chance of a lifetime next semester? will i miss out on my dream job? i’ve been racking my brain for hours tonight and i have an exam at 9:30 tomorrow morning that i am finding impossible to study for.

i just can’t wait until the few couple of weeks are over with and adam comes home and we can spend thanksgiving break together. they are supposed to get a 4-day also (his guys have been in the field since he’s been in sniper school) and we might actually get to celebrate our 3-year anniversary. it’ll be a little late but as long as he gets his butt home, i won’t care.

christ, i need to go to bed.

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