the last couple weeks have been ridiculous.

nothing exciting has really happened. just… a lot has been going on. i feel like i haven’t even stopped to take a breath.

the loki news first. she got her stitches taken out this evening. i found another lump on her left leg/shoulder last week but i had the doctor take a look at it and she says she is close to certain that it’s nothing, so that made me feel better. just keep an eye on it, should be fine.

what made me feel even better than that was when she said today’s vet visit was FREE. holy crap. i was expecting at least another $200 (removing stitches, nail clipping, diagnosing possible second lump). what a relief.

loki is thrilled to have that damned cone off her head and she has been doing nothing but playing and throwing her toys everywhere all night. :) i love when she’s happy. i don’t know what i’d have done the last almost-6 years without her in my life. i really don’t. her second biopsy results still haven’t come in. i called the doctor and she said to expect a result by friday. keeping my fingers crossed. pray for no chemo.

besides all the drama going on with loki, i think i over committed myself on side work to keep my mind off things. side work meaning god knows how many website projects. most of which i LOVE working on. it’s just that i am so obsessed with getting them done and pretty so i can be like LOOK WHAT I MADE YOU GUYS that i do nothing but work lately.

i’m one of those people who can’t read books. NOT because i don’t like to read (i really enjoy it), but because if it’s not something i can sit and finish without stopping, like within 1-2 days, it will drive me MAD because i won’t finish it. same thing with websites. i’m so impatient. some projects force me to wait because i have to wait on my clients, which is fine, and awesome actually because it forces me to quit working for the evening and, you know, go to bed. but if i don’t have that, i don’t really stop.

like today. i have been going non stop all day. not to mention the semi-crisis that happened at work which i can’t/won’t get into. one thing. after another.

things just keep showing up on my plate, basically. i’m ok with it. but my brain is not. it’s like I NEED TO ORGANIZE EVERYTHING ON MY TO DO LIST AND DO THIS IN AN ORDERLY FASHION… and life just won’t let that happen. and it’s making me nuts.

aaaand that’s why we have wine.

i need to sign up for another welding class. or go back to my flight classes (but so expensive =/ ). or do something else to get me away from the computer. within the last 2 years i’ve done welding, pole dancing, cessna flying classes, and tumbling. love all of them (except the pole dancing, that was more like 8 weeks of awkward humiliating fun time), but none of them cling to me like computers.

so to fill that void, i’ve fore-fitted going to the LAN party this weekend at work (OH MY GOSH) for 2 reasons. 1) i’d only play quake, and no one else would probably play it for more than 20 minutes. and 2) brett and i are going to take the hunter safety course.

a friend of ours is a warden and we’re going to try and go hunting on the naval weapons base until we can get accepted into one of the hunt clubs around here. the base is shotgun or bow only, so i don’t have to buy a rifle yet. thank god, because i can’t afford that after loki. so i’m crossing my fingers that i can get hooked on hunting. i’ve wanted to go SO badly for years now and it just hasn’t happened. and now it is. and i’m so excited.

this post got a lot wordier than i anticipated. blame the wine, people.

2 years out of college, still… no clue.

my last day at my current job was yesterday, and i start on my new career adventure one week from today.

it hardly feels like i’ve been at my current job for 6 months, and i’ve been here for 14.

i get mixed responses when i tell people i’m leaving already. because that’s what i get most of the time: “already? you just started!” except i didn’t just start. it HAS been 14 months, but apparently a year seems like too little to some people.

my favorite response so far is, “you can’t leave the government. people usually come to the government to stay!” just… no.

and then i’ve had a handful of people tell me the exact opposite: “for your first few years out of college, switch jobs every 1 or 2 years.”

obviously, i agree with the handful of people. i don’t think it’s really possible to know exactly where you belong in corporate america being this new to it. or in my case, the government/DoD contracting world. i don’t know if i even belong in this area either, but it makes up the bulk of what charleston has to offer, and i have a feeling i’ll be here for a while.

i’ve gotten 6 certifications in 2 years. many people consider that insane, and i would be tempted to lean that way, myself. but… if i hadn’t made myself get them, i would be in a far worse position.

i want everything to stay fresh on my mind. i want all of those skills to be practically muscle memory. i want to USE the languages i know on a regular or at least semi-regular basis. i want to be forced to learn new ones. i want to be forced to work with systems i’ve never even used before. it’s the reason i make websites and apps on the side. it’s the reason i reformat and break things as often as i do. it’s the reason i decided to get my certifications. it’s the reason i miss the LUG group back at appalachian. if i’m not learning at work, it has to happen somehow.

i don’t mix with never ending conference calls and 200 page excel sheets and incessantly waiting on emails and approvals and funding. when that’s PART of my work, sure, but certainly not when that IS the work. i’d gladly go back to my summer of being a cable monkey before i continue any further down this path.

side note: before i get ahead of myself, i just realized this may be misleading because of posts like this one or this one. i am no longer working on that task for multiple reasons that i do not wish to drag onto the internet.

onward…

i felt like the longer i stayed where i was, the more my skill sets would wither away. i didn’t get to USE them, and it wasn’t always that way (see links to earlier posts). definitely not when i was a contractor. but the amount of hands-on or technical time that was required of me had shrunk to less than an hour a week. i tried to get out of that situation multiple times, and after a lot of (literally) door-to-door begging, empty promises, multiple failed attempts, and a lot of waiting, i decided to just fix it.

although, i must say that i will miss these throughout my day:

so here i am. and i don’t really know what to expect out of the new job, but i do know that i will be surrounded by a lot of ridiculously smart and nerdy people. people who are willing to share that knowledge. i’ll be able to learn from them and from my own tasks.

in a word: relief.

dude. i have done more python and shell scripting in the last month than i’ve done in my entire life. not to mention the unbelievably in depth packet analysis but i LOVE it. despite the fact that it is so mentally exhausting and somehow, physically DRAINING. i absolutely love it.

it’s like a real life puzzle that lasts for months and there’s always a different piece to figure out. i can’t get enough of it.

i asked to be on the project i’m on because what i was doing 2 months ago wasn’t stimulating at all. not to say i didn’t enjoy my coworkers and, to be very general, supporting the warfighter (oo-rah!), i am not one of those people who can sit and stare at a spreadsheet all day. i just can’t. i have to be DOING something, really WORKING, using my brain, or i won’t do anything at all. it’s either zero focus, or i’m so intensely focused that i don’t blink for an hour. i choose the latter. always.

so i talked to the right people and got a shoe in and, well, i’m happy now. i feel like i’m a part of something. my co-workers are so much fun (and not to mention brilliant). i have goals DAILY. finite, feasible goals that require me to code something the right way and i see real results. i think that is one of the more rewarding parts–actually SEEING results. and it just makes me feel fantastic. when i compile something and it works and it does what i want and i go home happy–it just makes it all worth it.

and for brett, that means i’m all rainbows and butterflies and go play call of duty for 4 hours while i play on my tablet and play angry birds and DEAR ROVIO PLEASE MAKE MORE LEVELS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

heh. ahem.

i never let my work spill out into my personal life. i really, truly HATE talking about it when we’re at the house or anywhere not at work because i feel like it has its place. it should stay at work. i am dedicated to my job, but i made a decision a long, long time ago that when i got my big girl job, it would be just that. a job. i have a job so i can live the fun life that i live. not the other way around.

but it’s hard to deny that when you have a successful, and fulfilling day at work, you come home happier. the even better part is when i have a crappy day at work, i don’t feel bad when i say to hell with it and come home and don’t think about it until the next morning.

last week:

W: so, jen left my apartment at 12:30 AM, went to wal-mart, and then sent me a picture of a lumpy pumpkin.

M: …

J: it was really lumpy!!! and i needed milk!

W: yea. she also sent me a picture of an elephant.

M: were you near the elephant?

J: no, the person near the people who were ON the elephant sent me the picture!

M: so, you just passed it on?

J: yes.

W: next time, i want a picture of a lumpy elephant.

M: OR ELEPHANTITIS!

W & J thoroughly disgusted

W: NO WAY. that is disgusting. she might GET it.

M: can you GET elephantitis?

W: i don’t know, but i guarantee if you google that shit you’ll find yourself in a whole new world of [expletive]-ed up that you never wanted to experience.

M: i wonder if it’s contagious.

W: i don’t know, but i’m too short to be lumpy.

M: you’d be a weeble wobble!

J: THEY NEVER FALL DOWN!

W: well, there’s the silver lining!

J: just sayin’!

i love my coworkers. despite the fact that we have disturbing conversations, i will be praying for disturbing come tomorrow morning at 7 AM when our 9-hour meeting begins in cedar rapids, IA.

lord, let it go by quickly.

i spent the last day and a half in cedar rapids, iowa. somewhere i can honestly say i never saw myself visiting. it’s very flat. and very tiny. and i loved it.

except this was like… THE weirdest work trip i’ve ever been on. which doesn’t say much since i don’t really travel for work that often. anyway. it was weird.

for starters, my flight didn’t even get ticketed when i made my travel plans, so i bought tickets 45 minutes before take-off. not exactly the best start to the trip.

fast forward to actually landing in iowa at 9PM, and going to get my rental car. which was a chevy aveo. i had no idea what an aveo was until tuesday night, and now i know i will do everything in my power to never drive one again.

maybe i’m spoiled with my saturn, but… this particular aveo did not have power seats, windows, mirrors, LOCKS (i forgot how much of a pain in the ass that used to be!)… and even better–no CRUISE CONTROL! after my 3 speeding tickets, i LIVE by my cruise control. it is always on. unless i’m in charleston traffic, in which case, it would get me killed. it DID, however, have an auxiliary port and this neat little feature where the radio doesn’t turn off until you get out of the car. do not ask how long it took me to figure that out.

it is cute though, isn’t it?!

so, i got to the car and drove to my hotel. a best western. a best western longbranch. a best western themed AS A DUDE RANCH SLASH SALOON. it even had it’s own jail.

^ PROOF. yes, that says livery.

the whole place was western themed.

EXCEPT for the second bar (the first one was decked out in cowboy decor), which required going up to the 4th floor via the elevator, walking to the end of a long hallway, walking across 2 catwalks, down a glowing spiral staircase (metal spiral staircase, COVERED in christmas lights, not a good idea to throw at drunk people leaving a bar), and into the bar. which is next to the pool (also, WHY next to the bar?!). which was next to the continental breakfast that consisted of mini donuts, brown bananas, watermelon, and corn flakes.

i got lost on the way back and ended up outside near the dumpsters.

then i went to rockwell collins. which is where our meeting was. i thought it was going to take me a while to get there, but as it turns out i was .3 miles from the building, so i sat in the parking lot for 45 minutes and asked random people how to get to the RIGHT building. because the first 3 i tried were the WRONG building.

and then i learned that people don’t like to be prompted while getting out of their car at 7:30 in the morning. turns out one guy didn’t see me sitting there when he parked, so when i rolled down my window and yelled HEY! he suddenly thought god was talking to him and i thought he was going to pee his pants. he thanked me for reminding him that he was alive, and went on his way. but not before pointing me in the direction of another WRONG building.

fast forward to the meeting… it was long. but informative. i actually enjoyed it despite it lasting for 9 hours. we even had a working lunch.

THIS, however, was my breakfast. followed by a 5-hour energy. i felt fantastic. and twitchy.

fast forward to lunch, where the boxed lunches they provided us had different desserts in them. mine had an entire hershey bar. and then they tried to feed us chocolate frosted brownies. i am so proud of myself for not eating EITHER of them! my heart may have stopped.

fast forward to dinner, at an italian restaurant called biaggi’s, which was AMAZING. i ordered a filet mignon with garlic mashed potatoes and it was… perfect. and so were my whiskey sours. i tried ordering chocolate gelato for dessert, but i guess the waitress heard raspberry sorbet instead, because that’s what she brought me. and i was very surprised when i bit into chocolate ice cream that tasted strangely like a fruit pop. i ate it anyway.

i drove back to the hotel because i was waiting on my cousin (who just happens to live in cedar rapids AND works at rockwell collins, strange coincidence) to pick me up.

and i was walking back to my room and was forced to walk down this hallway. again. my room was the LAST one. this hallway terrified me every time i walked down it. it was completely silent. i kept expecting to turn and see a strange figure standing behind me. it gave me neck chills every time.

my cousin finally showed up and took me to this place called The Spy Bar (the picture is dark because my phone was about to die and couldn’t flash, and i suppose it looks cooler being a “spy” bar and all, because dark == spy-ish). i’m guessing this is where mostly hispanic/latino/everything-but-white people go (my cousin is included in that group, she’s mixed). i was largely outnumbered… something else i didn’t expect in iowa. it is very diversified. and diversified people can seriously dance.

so i, too, learned to dance. i learned to salsa. and merengue. and bachata. and i even learned how to SAY them correctly. and i DIDN’T SUCK. and i had so much fun, though it did take some coaxing (special thanks to Jack Daniels), and at the end of the night my cowboy boots had wrecked my feet (yes, i went salsa dancing in cowboy boots), but it was so worth it.

UNTIL this morning. when i realized 2 and a half hours is not enough sleep to NOT sleep through an alarm clock that i had strategically placed under my face. i woke up at 6AM for a 7:05 flight. i washed my face and did my make-up in record time (read: 4 MINUTES!!!). threw on a hoodie over my dress and boots, threw everything else in my suitcase, and hauled ass to the airport.

then i went in the wrong entrance. which wasn’t an entrance. and then i finally found the rental car return and got rid of my god forsaken aveo.

the aveo that still had my suitcase in the back, but i already RAN (not jogged, not speed-walked, FREAKING RAN) to the terminal. realized i left my things. RAN back to the car. didn’t bother to lock it this time. RAN back to the terminal. couldn’t figure out the key drawer at the return so i left the keys on some dude’s desk. RAN to the ticket counter, and the machine told me it was too late to check in for my flight (it was 6:38). i fought back my tears (and an asthma attack, thank you Albuterol) and found some nice lady who begrudgingly accepted my card and gave me my tickets. i RAN to security, and i will never wear a hoodie through security again because i actually got frisked today. by an old woman wearing rubber gloves. it was horrible. and it took longer than it should have. and i was uncomfortable.

i RAN to the gate, just in time to take off. i had made it. i caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection and quickly realized how ridiculous i looked–frilly dress, XXL appalachian state hoodie, cowboy boots, bed head… lovely. and then i decided i really don’t care and i passed out on the plane. and on the next plane. and almost on the way to get my car when brett picked me up.

and despite the ridiculousness of the last 36 hours, i can’t wait to go back to iowa. but next time i will not stay at the best western, and next time i will get a better alarm clock (or a later flight).

i don’t really know how this chain of events started.

maybe i’ve been boring myself since i graduated college and jumped into the Real Adult Working World. maybe it’s just my attempt at spicing up the mundane, day to day, 8-4, lifeless schedule (not to say my job is boring, i love my job, but the daily grind, on the other hand, IS!). maybe i’m still trying to “find myself”.

whatever it is, i realize the past year and a half of my life slightly resembles what one might call an identity crisis.

…enrolling myself in pole-dancing classes
…enrolling (and quitting shortly thereafter due to minor injury, idiot) in tumbling classes, in a weak attempt to rekindle my relationship with gymnastics
…3 more certifications, with a close 4th coming up at the end of the month
…4 trips to las vegas
…enrolling myself in crossfit in an attempt to die a slow, painful death get fit and stay fit
…enrolling myself in welding classes (i have no acceptable excuse, other than strangely, i really want to learn how to weld, and evidently, that is worth $350 and sacrificing all of my tuesday evenings)
…acquiring a copy of rosetta stone in swedish, because for whatever reason, i want to learn swedish, so i will

if the chain of randomness continues on its current path, i think it’s safe to say that blacksmithing and robotics can easily be added to that list in the near future. maybe even glass-blowing. or… drumroll… finally getting a masters degree.

maybe it’s a sense of accomplishment that i keep craving. or adventure. i don’t have the freedom i had in college. in college, i could skip classes to go hiking. or take a spur-of-the-moment road trip… like johnson city, tennessee, at 3AM, just to purchase camouflage duct tape (boone did not have a 24hr wal-mart at the time)… or carolina beach on a half-drunken bet over a game of darts. or go fishing. or go to a boss’s boss’s [extremely uncomfortable] sex toy party. or go camping. or shoot a potato cannon full of glow-stick-juice-covered potatoes off a cliff in the middle of the night. or purchase a tank of helium in the middle of the day for the sole purpose of blowing up a crapload of balloons and inhaling said helium. THE POSSIBILITIES WERE ENDLESS.

the real world doesn’t allow that luxury (unless i quit my job and took up freelancing 100%, or become a stay at home mom, which requires being a mom, which requires having a baby, i’ll wait on that one), so to fix that, i guess i’ve found ridiculous extra-curricular activities to keep things exciting. i’m also lucky to have the most ridiculous (i say that in the most loving way possible) other half, who completely supports this… “characteristic”. for lack of a better word.

i ran across this girl’s blog today, and it made me really happy to know i’m not alone. if anything, i feel inspired to continue on my senseless path, and she made it seem a lot less senseless. i haven’t dyed my hair a weird color in over 4 years (the corporate world kind of frowns upon that, i suppose), but i DID paint my toenails shrek-green, i DO have a pretty good activity list going on right now, and i DO appreciate ordering dessert first (or just dessert) on a semi-regular basis.

if you haven’t done something stupidly awesome today, DO IT. i fully endorse this mindset. and tonight… I WILL WELD.

i don’t know why i thought it was a good idea to take on as many projects as i have lately. i think i was thinking that the more i stay busy, the less time i have to sit idly and drive myself crazy. i think that was a dumb plan.

i love doing freelance web design. love it. the extra income is freaking fabulous. but i’ve become a workaholic the last few weeks.

generally, i work on 1 (maaaybe 2) sites at a time, and usually i’ll have clients who need small updates here and there. which is fine. but what have i done? i took on 3. plus i’ve kept up with necessary updates and maintenance. plus i’ve worked on a few odds and ends for one of my favorite clients in charlotte (brandon, you are awesome) more than usual this week, in particular.

3 websites from the ground up. 2 of which are e-commerce. and maintenance for a handful of websites. i either want to die early or i’d just really like to accelerate the gray hair and wrinkles.

i don’t think it’s the workload as much as it is keeping up with my clients. i’m constantly tied to my phone (except when i’m at work, can’t have it in my lab) and/or e-mail so there really is no down time. at least, i don’t give myself any. i read and respond to all my e-mails at work. i read and respond to all my e-mails when i’m carrying my phone around. regardless of the time of day. i usually don’t give myself weekends off and only recently have i stopped bringing my laptop with me when i go out of town (forcing myself to quit working on crap).

i left work yesterday, went to my dentist appointment, and went home. upon getting home, i cleaned up the apartment, did 2 loads of laundry, ran to wal-mart for a few things, and came home and cooked dinner (chicken & rice casserole = very important comfort food). i started working at 6:00 and i am pretty sure my hands did not leave my keyboard until my head hit the pillow at 1 AM.

i am NOT bringing my laptop to boone this weekend. right now, the plan is to wear sweatpants and sit in front of the TV the entire time. also, steak. i’m officially cutting myself off until monday. it’s gonna be tough, but i think i’ll manage.