i have eliminated soft drinks from my diet almost entirely. i might have one when i’m desperate, but otherwise i quit drinking them sometime this winter, for no particular reason. i guess my dental woes, which were not exactly soda-induced, made me try and avoid acidic fluids all together. i’ve only puked 3-4 times since then, half of which were when i had the flu. personally, i think those are excusable.

anyway, no soda == not nearly as much caffeine. i’m not big on drinking tea, unless it’s sweet tea, and even then i choose it at the last resort, or i put whiskey in it. and OH MY GOD, i’m from the south, something must be wrong with me because i don’t drink sweet tea by the gallon. brett drinks enough for the both of us, and then some, so i think it’s okay if i only indulge every once in a while.

i’ve since found other substitutes, mostly to stay awake between the hours of 9 and 11 AM, and also to subdue those god awful caffeine headaches that creep up every so often. 5-hour energy shots don’t quite cut it every morning. a boatload of vitamins and a little caffeine aren’t the same as coffee that will make you physically unable to close your eyelids. brett makes our coffee exceptionally strong–i don’t really care how strong it is, so long as there is enough left for me before i go to work.

he drinks his black, so i generally wait until he’s not looking to prepare my coffee. because i definitely don’t drink it black. i haven’t gotten to that point in my life yet. no. i add about a quarter cup of creamer, 4 spoonfuls of sugar, and half a packet of nestle hot chocolate mix. i try to wait until he’s not within sight so i can avoid the look he gives me. the look that says, “you are gonna have diabeetus in about 6 months if you keep drinking that crap!” so says the man who has single-handedly finished off 2 gallon-sized bags of gummy bears and sour patch kids. i drink it in the car on the way to work and usually finish it within the first half hour i’m there. and then, if you’re exceptionally unlucky, you’ll be one of the coworkers sitting next to me while i’m high on caffeine, talking your head off about everything and nothing. most likely the latter.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me this week but every morning, said coffee has been accompanied by a breakfast consisting solely of the following:

• tagalong girl scout cookies
• half moon cookies
• caramel filled ghirardelli squares
• all of the above

the awesome part? it might be more on the unhealthy side than it is awesome, but i’ve actually lost weight. i accomplished this once before–2 years ago when i worked in downtown fayetteville, NC, as a web developer. i would eat a quarter pound of peanut butter and chocolate fudge (get this: i worked on the same block as a fudge shop, an arcade, 3-4 bars, beef o’ brady’s, and a place called hamburger heaven. my GOD, that was awesome!) and drink a 12 oz coke every morning for breakfast, and i’d be so jacked on sugar that i wouldn’t even be hungry until i went home and cooked dinner (which usually consisted of rice or pasta, some form of meat: ground beef, baked chicken or pork tenderloin, broccoli or green beans, and ALWAYS salad). i dropped 10 pounds in a heartbeat.

if only i can figure out a way to make this process work for the next 50 years, i might be onto something.