Busiest 3 Months of my Life

first, loki got her tumor back in november. that was bad. it’s still not over, but she only has 2 more chemo treatments to go, and she’s doing awesome. so that’s been our fun thursday activity for some time now.

thanksgiving and christmas were hectic, as always, but this christmas was especially interesting, because the week before christmas brett and i found out we were pregnant.

and as you probably know, the wedding was going to be in september. but because i didn’t want to have the wedding near the end of or right after the pregnancy, we bumped the wedding up to… 8 days from today. since i’m only 8 and a half weeks pregnant, i won’t be showing my wedding gown. YAY.

and now that the wedding is in january, that left me with little time to prepare for all of this. i magically organized the whole wedding in less than 2 weeks, which i’m glad i did, but now i keep trying to think of things i might have missed. which i’m sure i have.

i guess in the end, as long as the food shows up, people get their booze and cake, and my dress fits, we’re good to go.

then there’s the honeymoon. since neither of us were expecting any of this, we were extremely lucky to be able to take off work for everything. that is a miracle in itself. we’ll be at disney world the entire week after the wedding, and i could not be happier about this. there is NO way anyone can go to disney world and NOT have fun. i have been hard at work making reservations… psyched.

i told myself i wouldn’t be doing any website work from now until we get back from the honeymoon, and i’m so glad i did that. i think i would’ve lost my mind had i tried, because my company decided to have another mobile app hackathon this month. specifically this week. so in addition to work, i’ve been waist deep in java for the last 5 days, and i can’t seem to get away from intellij even if it’s just to eat my lunch.

so not only are we a week away from the wedding, but we also had our first ultrasound yesterday. i left for the doctor appointment irritated at a nullpointerexception i couldn’t fix in time. let’s just say… i forgot about it. quickly. i can now say with 100% confidence that there is a tiny human in there and its heartbeat lit up the monitor like a little firefly. i guess i forgot about the part where this is actually a really emotional experience and my eyes started welling up instantly. i was able to hold it back, but my whole body was shaking and my heartbeat felt like it tripled.

it’s wild how quickly things can change, and i know people say that all the time. but i guess this is just my first time experiencing just how drastic those changes can be.

2 months ago, i was picturing getting drunk with brett at our wedding and partying our asses off at pleasure island. now all i can think about is how i need to do everything i can not to screw this baby up. and what happens after that? and now we need a nursery. and we have to have a baby shower. and at some point i have to become okay with diapers and the stuff that goes in them. and i’ll probably have to trade my truck in at some point before i’m due. i still have a red hat security exam in june. depending on how all this works out, that may or may not have to be cancelled.

there is just so much to do now that i never would have thought about. all i know is that i’m happy and terrified at the same time, and we’ll see where this all takes us.

So… Things Have Changed

i have read so many different articles about when you’re supposed to tell people you’re pregnant. 8 weeks? 12 weeks? if you can’t stand it just tell them when you find out?

screw all the articles. i’m (an estimated) 7 weeks pregnant. booya.

i know that the chances of a miscarriage are much higher in the first trimester. i know that it is going to be absolute hell having to tell everyone if, God forbid, something happened. but i am tired of not being able to talk about it, or blog, because i have *nothing* else to talk or write about. my life right now consists of nothing but wedding planning, my laptop, TBS, loki’s treatments, falling asleep on brett, and this thing growing in my stomach.

i am almost certain it hasn’t hit me yet. my first OB/GYN appointment is next week for my first ultrasound. so if it *hasn’t* hit me yet, it better hit me then. brett is going with me, and i am beyond terrified. and excited. and stunned. i actually forgot to “invite” him until last night. like, “hey, uh, so do you wanna go with me to the doctor?” “um, YES…” oops?

i just never expected to find myself in this situation. not until at least, you know, 2 years from now maybe? after the wedding. after we had been married for a little while. but i guess living together for 2+ years is just gonna have to suffice.

we told our families over christmas break. i think my dad said it best when he said, “…but kids don’t have babies!” i know, dad. i know. and to think, just this past summer a guy come to the door asking about alarm systems, and he asked me if my parents were home. surely this will go over well.

so, the wedding is no longer this september. it’s in LESS THAN 3 WEEKS. slight change of plans. surprisingly, i pulled everything together as soon as we found out. i called everyone–the venues, the caterers, the cake place, the florist, the minister, everything. invitations were done and out within 3 days. and the weirdest part was, i had already purchased ALL of the reception decorations 3 weeks before we found out i was pregnant. so there’s that.

and all of the wedding decorations i bought are fall themed because, you know, september wedding, sunflowers, rustic, cozy colors. and all that will stay the same.

yes, we’re having a fall wedding. in january. i know. the freaking cake even looks like wood.

anyway, i’ve been taking the prenatal vitamins. i started running again. i ditched my inhaler/asthma/allergy meds (emergencies only). i stopped drinking as soon as we found out, save for a glass of champagne on new years and a glass of red wine the other evening. which i won’t be doing again because it tasted strangely like vinegar. that’s the only thing that’s changed in taste so far, and every day i have been craving tacos from taco bell smothered in nacho cheese sauce.

no morning sickness yet. only overwhelming tiredness, and a lack of energy like i’ve never experienced–part of the reason i started running again. the other part is i’m worried about my depression resurfacing once the bodily changes start kicking in and the hormones are full speed ahead, if they’re not already.

everything is making me cry lately, but strangely it’s all kinds of happy things. for example, the other night i had a random memory about my mom reading me love you forever when i was a toddler in our first house, and i could NOT keep the tears back. the other morning, frank sinatra came up on shuffle and i almost got in a car wreck on the way to work because my tears were filling up my eyeballs. all that music just gets me. God help me the day judy garland comes on. even the episode of friends where monica and chandler proposed to each other had me tearing up.

i know that pregnancy is not an exciting thing to anyone who’s not pregnant or hasn’t been. believe me, a post like this would’ve had me snoring 3 months ago. hell, even wedding planning would have. but once you experience it (even the few short weeks that i’ve encountered), that just disappears. suddenly, baby clothes are cute and not disgusting. babies are cute and not scary or foreign. well, they’re scary when i think about them coming out of me, but other than that. i try not to think about that yet.

i know for a fact, however, that i am most excited about this: this baby will have 5 amazing grandparents, and 7 amazing GREAT grandparents. i can’t even put into words how happy that makes me. it’s overwhelming. 2012 has truly surprised and blessed us with more than we could ever think to ask for.

One Month Until The Big Day!

and on my wedding day, i’ll be wearing this:

the last week and a half have been a mad rush to make a september wedding happen in january, and it has all been worth it. i am so blessed with unbelievably supportive family and friends and i could not be more excited.

best part of all is that i’m marrying my best friend.

I AM SO STOKED