B: when i go to africa, i’m just gonna get a disposable camera to take pictures with.

W: that works…

B: yea… the only thing is, after i get them developed, i’m gonna have to scan them all and upload them to get them onto my computer

W: no, brett. no. they give them to you on these things called CDs now. they used to give them to you in just prints, or on floppy disks if you were really lucky. but now they have CDs, and they’re awesome. technology is awesome!

B: really? oh, ok. i didn’t know they did that now.

this made my day on saturday. i guess if you haven’t used anything other than a digital camera in the last 10 years, you wouldn’t know that they can put the pictures on CDs for you. i love the fact that he thought they still made obtaining digital copies of your photos so difficult after all this time. i don’t even know if my scanner works anymore.

i filled up my digital camera while i was in australia back in 2000, and was forced to use disposable cameras after the first few days. my memory card, which was like 5 times the size of an SD card (with less than 1/8 of the space) only held so many photos, and i had no way to offload them. i still have the film from all of the cameras. does film even last that long, or could i potentially take it to a CVS and get reprints? back then, i got them all put on floppy disks (which i still have), and you can imagine the quality of 30 photos that had to be made to fit in 1.44MB of space. they look pretty awful. and they’re SO SMALL.

i was 15 (and stupid) and didn’t get reprints, so when i used ALL the pictures i took and butchered them to put in my scrapbook, i had no WHOLE photos left afterward.

i wonder if the photo technician is going to look at me like i’m nuts when i bring in 12 strips of film from 10 years ago. most of which are blurry or unfocused. and may or may not contain a camel.

i have eliminated soft drinks from my diet almost entirely. i might have one when i’m desperate, but otherwise i quit drinking them sometime this winter, for no particular reason. i guess my dental woes, which were not exactly soda-induced, made me try and avoid acidic fluids all together. i’ve only puked 3-4 times since then, half of which were when i had the flu. personally, i think those are excusable.

anyway, no soda == not nearly as much caffeine. i’m not big on drinking tea, unless it’s sweet tea, and even then i choose it at the last resort, or i put whiskey in it. and OH MY GOD, i’m from the south, something must be wrong with me because i don’t drink sweet tea by the gallon. brett drinks enough for the both of us, and then some, so i think it’s okay if i only indulge every once in a while.

i’ve since found other substitutes, mostly to stay awake between the hours of 9 and 11 AM, and also to subdue those god awful caffeine headaches that creep up every so often. 5-hour energy shots don’t quite cut it every morning. a boatload of vitamins and a little caffeine aren’t the same as coffee that will make you physically unable to close your eyelids. brett makes our coffee exceptionally strong–i don’t really care how strong it is, so long as there is enough left for me before i go to work.

he drinks his black, so i generally wait until he’s not looking to prepare my coffee. because i definitely don’t drink it black. i haven’t gotten to that point in my life yet. no. i add about a quarter cup of creamer, 4 spoonfuls of sugar, and half a packet of nestle hot chocolate mix. i try to wait until he’s not within sight so i can avoid the look he gives me. the look that says, “you are gonna have diabeetus in about 6 months if you keep drinking that crap!” so says the man who has single-handedly finished off 2 gallon-sized bags of gummy bears and sour patch kids. i drink it in the car on the way to work and usually finish it within the first half hour i’m there. and then, if you’re exceptionally unlucky, you’ll be one of the coworkers sitting next to me while i’m high on caffeine, talking your head off about everything and nothing. most likely the latter.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me this week but every morning, said coffee has been accompanied by a breakfast consisting solely of the following:

• tagalong girl scout cookies
• half moon cookies
• caramel filled ghirardelli squares
• all of the above

the awesome part? it might be more on the unhealthy side than it is awesome, but i’ve actually lost weight. i accomplished this once before–2 years ago when i worked in downtown fayetteville, NC, as a web developer. i would eat a quarter pound of peanut butter and chocolate fudge (get this: i worked on the same block as a fudge shop, an arcade, 3-4 bars, beef o’ brady’s, and a place called hamburger heaven. my GOD, that was awesome!) and drink a 12 oz coke every morning for breakfast, and i’d be so jacked on sugar that i wouldn’t even be hungry until i went home and cooked dinner (which usually consisted of rice or pasta, some form of meat: ground beef, baked chicken or pork tenderloin, broccoli or green beans, and ALWAYS salad). i dropped 10 pounds in a heartbeat.

if only i can figure out a way to make this process work for the next 50 years, i might be onto something.

brett and i had our first costco adventure last night. by adventure, i mean, we went down every aisle, and i pointed out every item like it was the coolest thing i’d ever seen. “WOULD YOU LIKE A GIANT JAR OF MAYONNAISE? perhaps you want 12 pounds of bacon. or maybe even… the biggest block of kraft singles you’ve ever seen in your LIFE! maybe even 20 pairs of gold toe socks”

when we first got there, we decided we really should have eaten first. grocery shopping while hungry is not a smart idea in the first place, and i imagine that shopping in bulk while hungry is far worse. WHAT? you can buy pizzas by the DOZEN? we MUST buy them! so we took advantage of the $1.50 hot dog/soda deal, *prior* to filling our cart. the hot dogs were delicious, by the way. even more delicious for $1.50.

it had been a few years since i’d been in a costco, and at least a decade since i’d been in a sam’s club. i had forgotten what the term bulk actually implied. like… you can buy a whole crate full of half gallon bottles of ranch *OR* you can buy a bottle of shampoo that will supply all of south carolina for a week. in reality, buying that much ranch is almost reasonable for me. i put ranch on everything. it’s sad, really.

anywho, we learned a few things…

1. only buy foods that we eat a lot of at one time, like lunch meats and stuff to snack on at work. we go through sliced ham and turkey like it’s nothing. we do not, however, need to purchase cheese like we’re storing up for the apocalypse.
2. the giant jars of mayonnaise might actually be acceptable, but only to go along with the 15 cans of tuna i bought. and sammiches, of course. and pasta salad. ONLY if it never actually makes skin contact, because mayonnaise REALLY grosses me out.
3. 2 marinaded pork tenderloins for $11 is pretty freaking fantastic.
4. definitely keep buying milk at costco. why? because brett could drink a gallon a day, if you let him. easily. the only thing holding him back is refrigerator space.
5. their chicken and cheese ravioli is absolutely heavenly. try it. it might just change your life. until last night, the only ravioli i ate was the fried ravioli from olive garden. the times, they are a-changin’.
6. keep me away from the patio furniture–especially the chairs that spin.
7. keep me away from the pastries–especially the 8-pound chocolate cake and the steroid-injected cupcakes. seriously, they are like 5 inches in diameter. i never thought i’d have to measure the diameter of a cupcake.
8. better yet, i should probably just be kept on a leash the next time i go to costco.
9. if anyone sees brett purchase another stick of deodorant for the rest of his life, beat him senseless. because he bought the biggest pack of deodorant i’ve ever seen, and i just don’t think anyone could use that much deodorant in a lifetime.
10. park closer to the apartment next time we come home. i forgot they don’t use bags, so for the first time in our lives, it took us 2 trips to bring the groceries inside. one of those trips was to get his milk, AND the 85 pound bag of kitty litter.

those are just a few lessons learned after our first trip.

if anyone else would like to share their costco favorites, please fill me in. i want to learn all of the super cool costco secrets.

way back when, my web server sat in my old room at my mom’s house. years ago, she decided to get rid of her internet and, as we all know, a server is a moot point without any access to the internet. i moved it to my dad’s house and kept it there until i got out of college. it now sits in the corner of my living room and has been downgraded to a development server for my client work. this is largely because godaddy’s dedicated linux servers have proven themselves to be a spectacular investment of a small $6.99/month. as spectacular as they may be, i cannot stand their commercials.

several weeks ago, the damn power supply on said server decided to take its last breath. i had 2 choices–1) buy a new power supply, or 2) toss the entire PC and buy an enclosure for the 3.5″ IDE old-as-dirt hard drives rotting away in there so i could get my crap off. by crap, i mean 20GB of photos (YES, just photos, from everything i ever did in my life), 80GB of old home movies (my dad ripped very VHS my family ever created and gave them to me for safe keeping), several gigs of pirated DVDs, software (OMG Photoshop 5.0 is still on there), and about 60GB of whatever crap music i was listening to in high school. to my surprise, there was actually a good collection of pantera on there. i didn’t totally let myself down.

fast forward to this weekend: i told brett i’d buy him modern warfare 2 for valentine’s day. his old xbox died and he threw it out, but kept the hard drive. he planned on buying a new xbox on the 12th when we get paid. i told him i’d front him the money so he could go ahead and have an early valentine’s day–he can pay me back later. so we went to gamestop, purchased an xbox, and MW2.

gamestop is right next to best buy… it was inevitable. originally, i was going to buy a new power supply, but this caught my eye instead. surprisingly, i don’t own an external hard drive. i need something new to use as backup, so i bought it. thank you, tax returns.

we went home and i decided to start working on my server. it has a fresh build of CentOS on it, so i wanted to at least salvage the hard drives. i had an extra power supply in the box of ancient and random computer hardware in my closet, so i gave it a shot. it was dead, too. instead of going back to best buy, i called compuzone–a local computer repair shop.

my original plan was to buy an enclosure for the drives and toss out the computer. get this–they wanted $75 to transfer all my crap to the new external one i bought, but they’d sell me an encosure for $40. i told the guy i’d buy the enclosure, do it myself, and then return the enclosure. i am pretty sure he didn’t like that answer because after telling him that, he agreed to do the data transfer for $30. SWEET.

i told him i’d go home, grab the drives, and bring them back to the shop for a transfer. then i realized–i really don’t want two 18-year-old computer shop guys doing my data transfer. i worked at tech. support for 4 years. i am well aware of what goes on. i went back inside and told them nevermind, i’ll just buy a power supply. they were $34 at compuzone, which was much cheaper than best buy. FOR GOOD REASON.

i went home all excited. i gutted the computer, cleaned it out using almost an entire can of air duster, and took out all the tacky cold cathode sticks and fans that my ex boyfriend from high school bought me. in 2003, this computer was seriously badass. i built it just so i could play day of defeat and battlefield 1942. it glowed green in my bedroom and at every LAN party in high school. ohh, memories. i am so glad i didn’t get rid of it just yet.

i put the new power supply in and right out of the box, the damn thing was dead. that’s what happens when you buy a crappy 450W power supply for $34 at compuzone.

the crazy part was when i took it out and put my old power supply back in, crossed my fingers, hit the power button, and it freaking worked. i tried it at least half a dozen times earlier and nothing happened. but somehow, by the grace of god, it decided to come back to life. my server is now being run by a zombie power supply–who knows how long it will last. i waited all afternoon for all my crap to transfer to my external hard drive.

IN THE MEANTIME, i decided to have a reformatting party by myself. brett was preoccupied putting together his xbox. i had nothing better to do until the super bowl came on. before i started reformatting, and because i was already fixing everything else i own, i decided to do a “quick” upgrade on my router. alas, in the middle of the firmware upgrade, something went seriously wrong. while i was pulling my hair out, brett was trying to get his xbox live account working. no internet == no xbox live. he kept trying to access the internet, and i was all like IT ISN’T GOING TO WORK UNTIL I FIX THE DAMN ROUTER LEAVE ME ALONE. so… the living room was very tense for about 20 minutes.

somehow the upgrade caused the modem to crap its pants (wtf?). either that, or it was just horrible timing. it took me 15 minutes of cursing and mashing the reset button with a pencil to realize it wasn’t the router giving me hell. i reset the modem, and everything was peachy keen. HOORAY.

i downloaded unetbootin to do a netinstall of fedora 12. fyi, if you’ve never used unetbootin, try it sometime. i love it. normally, it’s a painless process. since my laptop was purchased in 2007, the graphics card is (geforce go 6150) a bit outdated. i tried 4 times with 4 different configurations to get the video drivers to cooperate. it was just not working, so i went back to fedora 11. worked like a charm.

this is the only complaint i have ever had about linux and that is getting nvidia and broadcom drivers to cooperate on the first go-round. or the second. i’ve reformatted my laptop at least 30 times in its lifetime, and i have NEVER had the same install process twice.

anyway, it’s all working together nicely now. and the funny thing is, i told a guy at work this entire story yesterday. he came into work this morning and said, “i woke up this morning… AND MY POWER SUPPLY WAS DEAD”.

i totally jinxed him.

my new pet came in the mail yesterday. FINALLY. he does absolutely nothing, and is so not worth the $20 i paid, but i couldn’t resist. i believe i’ve made it quite obvious that i’m addicted to twitter (and every other form of social networking). and now i will tote him all over the globe. wherever i go, he will be there. and i will snap a photo.

except for at work, because if i bring my iPhone in here they might kill my first born. well, probably not. but i would most likely lose my badge. perhaps a limb. definitely my iPhone.

i did actually bring him to work, though. i must stay prepared for a potential adventure.

so i will take pictures of him everywhere except for work. all his adventures can be seen here. i am contemplating naming him something other than ollie, but it says that on the box he came in, so i might be stuck with it.

if you have a request for a specific stupid-plastic-bird adventure, tell me! this is assuming it does not involve boobs. or nudity of any kind.

this is a kind of funny, kind of sad, and very disgusting event i witnessed while i was in las vegas earlier this month. i feel the urge to share it because something this gross is too much for me to handle alone.

brett and i went to the lunch buffet at our hotel one afternoon. neither of us had tried it before, and i don’t think i’ll ever visit it again. not just because of what happened, but also because my enchiladas were much like cheesy rubber. brett only ate fruit (smart move) and was facing a different direction, so he did not have to witness the awful sitting behind him. it’s safe to say he lucked out that day.

the table behind us consisted of 3 women who looked to be asian. or something along those lines. i really suck at discerning a person’s nationality if it’s not blatantly obvious. each of them had to weigh at least 350 pounds. LET ME FIRST SAY that i have nothing against overweight people. at all. there are many factors that contribute to obesity.

i think the main factors in this scenario, however, were the egg rolls, cheesy nachos, hot dogs, and ice cream, piled high on each of their plates. i had a tommy boy moment–”i can actually hear you getting fatter”. it was more than uncomfortable to watch, as none of the 3 women had any table manners. so you literally could hear. the food. and the smacking. and the squishing. also, what is it about larger women who insist on wearing clothing 2 sizes too small? it’s unattractive, sure. but that’s also got to be seriously uncomfortable.

anyway, i have this thing about chewing with your mouth open while eating. maybe it’s because my dad always told me to chew with my mouth closed when i got sloppy as a kid. maybe it’s just me. but the sound an open mouth makes while chewing something (like egg rolls… and hot dogs… and nachos… and copious amounts of cheese) thoroughly grosses me out. i can’t stand it–i just think it’s nasty, and it makes me want to puke.

i tried to put the image (and the sounds) out of my mind, and i took a look at their kid. he was maybe 3 or 4 years old and he was adorable. he was also eating cheesy nachos and ice cream (surprise), with a huge smile on his face, but i guess he thought he needed to 1-up his mama and her friends.

he actually picked his nose, put it on his ice cream, scooped up a spoonful, and ate it. HE ATE IT. i watched in horror as this all went down in slow motion, hoping, just hoping that he wouldn’t go through with it. and he did. honestly, i’m not sure which was worse.

has anyone else ever witnessed something this disgusting in public?

i had my root canal this morning. or all day, rather. i spent over 3 hours in the dentist chair today, but i think it took care of my main problem. i don’t want to jump the gun and say it was a success yet, because i took 2 ibuprofen and my face is still slightly numb, but i’m hoping for the best.

the place i went to, charleston endodontics, was hands down–amazing. the dental assistant over there is so sweet and she’s probably about my mom’s age. she’s my height, and we wear the same size shoes. i say that because she wanted me to try on her sketcher shape-ups, but i’m really not a foot person. feet freak me out. i politely declined. she talked and talked and talked. i tried to talk but i had a bite guard in my mouth, along with a rubber thing covering half my face, and x-ray trays, and drills, and the whole 9-yards. it was a pretty 1-sided conversation.

anyway, the dentist came in and he’s a really young guy and he says he went to OSU to become a “root canal specialist”. and that is definitely what he is. because i didn’t feel a thing. except the novocaine needle. he actually waited a bit longer after applying the numbing gel, which i very much appreciate. usually they swab it on and then stick me with the needle without giving it any time to take effect. that is just mean.

it didn’t help a lot, though. he said part of it was because it’s so close to to my nose and upper lip (being the front tooth and all) and that area is really sensitive. i have to agree with that statement. my eyes welled up again, and i was holding back sneezes for all 3 injections. i did the like… half sneeze, where you kinda jerk a little bit and your face looks really weird, you know? so embarrassing. i also gagged on the x-ray trays–all of them. that was attractive.

at least they let me listen to rob zombie and wear sunglasses. actually, they made me wear the sunglasses. i don’t remember having to wear sunglasses during my last root canal. i also don’t remember them using a microscope. today was all new to me. either a lot has changed in a short amount of time, or i went to a much better endodontist this time.

i finally relaxed after about 45 minutes. the needles are what get me, which is weird because i don’t mind piercings or tattoos one bit. that makes no sense. but i relaxed, and laid there, and i didn’t feel any of it. except the drill. you can’t not feel that damn drill. the sound of any kind of drill will forever inflict painful memories and send goosebumps down my spine after the last 2 months.

after it was all said and done, she gave me ibuprofen and gave me the run-down on what to expect (pain, obviously, but not too much i hope). she said to avoid corn on the cob and apples. i told her that won’t be a problem. ever.

i have to go back to my regular dentist in 2-3 weeks to get my last filling fixed (the other one he botched up) and for him to replace the filling that’s in the root canal with some other substance. that sounds so gross. and then around may, i should think about getting a crown. depending on how much insurance covers, that may or may not be doable until later on down the line.

today cost me $250 out of pocket. the whole procedure was about $700. the moral of the story is don’t drink and puke. later, you will regret it with every fiber of your being. this i promise you.

we were trying to figure out what to do tonight since it’s the weekend and all. we tend to be homebodies most of the time.

if brett and i go out, usually, it’s either a movie, food, beer, a combination of those things, or we go out dancing. i don’t know what it is, but when he and i go out dancing, it’s exhilarating. my hips never stop moving, he keeps up with me and simultaneously completes a year’s worth of squats, and there’s this awesome connection that leaves me feeling high as a kite afterward. and then we walk home drenched in sweat, legs feeling like jello, and all is right with the world.

lately, we have not gone out dancing. before he moved to charleston, we were spending a lot of weekends in boone together. and after one of the bars got shut down, there was nowhere to dance. i think we went out dancing twice in charleston over the summer, but going downtown on a weekend (especially during the summer) is an absolute nightmare. anyway, there has been like… no dancing. we didn’t get to go dancing in vegas, either, because he got some god-awful stomach bug. that will get fixed on the next trip.

anyway, we have since replaced dancing with steak. and also coors light. and MORE recently, we started going to the gym together. so when i asked brett what he wanted to do tonight, and he said he had no idea, i proposed that we go to the gym, go buy a case of beer, cook up some steaks, and watch movies all night.

i am so excited.

despite the fact that i’m about to faceplant my keyboard, i have never felt this refreshed after a long weekend before. i guess that’s how badly i needed it. and to get the hell out of the apartment for a while.

brett and i went to mooresville for 2 nights this weekend–the main reason being he had to take a certification exam on saturday, and then to get new clothes to wear to work. as it turns out, spending a couple days relaxing outside the apartment, with family, was more therapeutic than anything. we sat on the couch in sweatpants, watched football, split a 12 pack of coors light, and ate frozen pizza. we originally planned on going back to charleston on saturday afternoon, but after walking around kohl’s for an hour we decided watching the game was far more important.

i got 5 shirts/dresses and 3 pairs of shoes for $115. i can finally stop rotating the same 5-6 outfits every week. except, one of my team leads actually said to me the other day, “whitney, you always wear something different to work!” and then i looked at her like she was insane because i have literally been rotating like the same 5-6 outfits every week. well, more like mixing and matching the same 5-7 tops with the same 4 bottoms… but you get the point. i end up washing the same set of clothes every single load. it gets so old. so i bought new things.

i feel like a new woman. i really hate shopping. i actually hate trying things on the most (but who doesn’t?) but i also hate trying to find things in my size. that’s part of the reason i’ve started wearing dresses a lot more lately. i don’t know if other short people have this much of a problem but jeans? that’s a nightmare. they’re always 8 inches too long if the waist fits right. or the crotch-seam area (i don’t know what you call that) comes halfway down my thighs. or the thighs themselves don’t fit right. i don’t know. it just sucks. so i started wearing a lot more dresses and skirts to work. any other time, it’s usually sweatpants, all of which have a crotch-seam area that comes down past my knees… whatever.

you know, if company dress policy allowed you to wear sweatpants and t-shirts, i’d get a hell of a lot more done. just throwing that out there. just my 2 cents.

i did get a lot of cute things, though. and i wore one of the dresses to work today with some leggings. and now every older woman i pass in the hallway immediately stops and says, “aww, you look so cute! i love your outfit!” so i’m going to go home tonight and burn this dress. juuust kidding. brett said i look like i just walked out of narnia, so i don’t really know what to think.

today is his first day at work, so i took him to lunch for jalapeno chicken day at madra rua. it’s so nice that i can actually talk to him about work-related stuff now. prior to him working, he didn’t have a security clearance, so when he asked about work… “what’d you do at work?” i’d be like “uhh… well… linux.. security.. stuff? i can’t say anything else… THEY MIGHT BE LISTENING” and that was pretty much it. i mean, some of it is still FOUO, but we can at least have a conversation now without closing the blinds. i don’t really close my blinds.

also… i do not have panic attacks every day. or cry every day. or freak out every day. JUST TO CLEAR THAT UP from the last post. a certain individual (i might have an idea of who) decided to blow up my comments. i used to do those things… all of them… just about every day. it was awful. and for a while, i did think i was batshitinsane crazy. then i quit taking birth control (first fantastic move, it changed my life). but i was still crying all the time. and having frequent panic attacks. and it took me until last fall to realize that it was because i wasn’t happy (for a handful of reasons). once i realized that, everything changed. i got my life back. i got ME back.

and then some more things changed. a lot of things changed–career, steady income, new city, new apartment, new everything… and like i said, i am happy. unbelievably happy. i was just stressed out last week and when i get frustrated, that usually comes out in tears, no matter how much i DON’T want it to. so… yeah. and instead of crying for hours like i used to, i cry for like… 2 minutes. if at all. and then it’s over.

i am not the same person i was a year ago, and i thank god for that.

i do, still, have the occasional panic attack when i’m in crowded places, or when i’m just extremely uncomfortable. like when i was at defcon in july and i had 9 random guys surround me and follow me with cameras and had to have a friend carry me out of the building. those kinds of situations? i will turn batshitinsane crazy. and there is a more than acceptable reason for that kind of behavior. i’m just not ready to share that experience with the internet yet. maybe one day.

my team is going to the hibachi hut for lunch today. i didn’t know about it until about 20 minutes ago. they invited me and i said, no, thank you, i already brought my lunch. i spent an arm and a leg on christmas, vegas is a week away, and i told myself this weekend that i’m not going out to eat for the entire week. i’m sticking to it.

on top of trying to be good about spending, i just don’t feel like going out lately. christmas break was fine because i hadn’t seen my friends in a long time, brett was there, i was in my comfort zone, but i still had some minor anxiety attacks and my face broke out.

saturday afternoon, it honestly took me 20 minutes to decide whether or not i wanted to go to best buy or see a movie or if i just wanted to sit on the couch in silence. all i could think about was how crowded best buy would be, what shirt i needed to wear so you couldn’t see me slowly becoming drenched in sweat from nervousness (stores like that drain me, mentally and physically), and how the movie would be so long that by the time we got out of it, i wouldn’t have time to get my head in the right mood to go out with our friends later.

i guess it just depends on the situation.

anyway, they asked me to go to lunch today, and all i could think about was how i wanted to sit in my little corner of the lab and eat my chili by myself. in a perfect world, i’d still be wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, but jeans and a sweater will have to do. damn dress code. i got called antisocial.

i guess i am, sometimes. i have to mentally get myself ready when i want to go out, which, a lot of times, is easy to do. usually, all i have to do to get myself ready is wash my face, put on something comfortable, and i’m like–whitney, you’re good to go. otherwise, i become silent. and awkward. not intentionally, but because i’m so busy trying to take in everything around me without freaking out. it’s just 10 times harder in the winter.

but that’s all i feel like doing a lot of times. i prefer not to be around more than a couple people. i prefer to be a homebody. my routine lately has been wake up, shower, go to work, come home, clean, go to the tanning bed, go to the gym, cook dinner, work some more, and go to bed. deviating outside that routine will, more than likely, cause me to stress, unless i’m prepared for it.

i learned more about myself in the last 18 months than i did throughout all of college, and finally, i’m at the point where i know what situations will set me up for a panic attack, cause me to sweat out half my body weight, or just leave me uncomfortable. period.

today is definitely a stay-inside-and-avoid-humans day.

it feels really weird not having a 3-week vacation for christmas. i was writing my dates on the calendar yesterday for when i was going to be taking off work and it was mildly depressing that i am only going to have 6 days of free time… instead of… 24? yuck.

i’m trying to get as much crap done this week as possible. my dentist visits are done this week (HOORAY for no more cavities!). i sent out all my christmas cards this morning. i wrapped everyone’s presents (except for a couple stragglers in the mail, damn shipping). i bought a tanning package yesterday so i’m going every day this week. yes, mom, i have lotion. i’m mainly going because a) it makes my face clear up, b) it is very relaxing, and c) i feel better when i have a “glow” and am not translucent. i also do not want to look like a ghost when brett gets home from the bahamas this weekend. AND… drumroll… i’ve been running at the gym every day. i have lost the thanksgiving pounds and then some. i am on the ball.

my christmas vacation officially starts when i leave work on monday afternoon, but i told elizabeth i’d give her a ride to the airport really early tuesday morning so i won’t be leaving until then. i made a “girl” doctor’s appointment in winston for 10:45 that morning, which sucks, but it’s the only time i could get in. so i will be leaving my apartment at 0 dark 30, driving to the airport, and then driving home to NC just in time for my appointment. let me tell you how excited i am about that.

HERE IS WHY I AM NERVOUS…

i don’t know any female who likes going to the OB/GYN. any female who enjoys having someone stare at their innards through that must be out of their mind. either way, it has to happen sometime or another. it’s really not that bad if you have a good doctor. it is bad, however, when they bring along their interns. yes, internS.

i can’t remember if i wrote about what happened on here or not, but allow me to reiterate.

i went to the OB/GYN for a normal visit. i walked in, talked with the nurse for a few minutes, put the little gown on, and waited on the table. my doctor walked in and we talked for a minute (i hate that little chit chat before they actually do anything. just get it over with, please!). i put my feet in the stirrups and tried to get comfortable. then another woman walked in.

who is this person? and why are they in here… also staring at my innards? the nurse asked me if it was okay (AFTER the woman was already clearly within viewing range of my lady parts) if her intern sat in on the visit. the worst was over, i thought, so why not?

then another woman walked in. it was another intern. i do not know why my doctor didn’t think to ask me beforehand. i just know that i was completely mortified of the entire experience and wanted to curl up in the fetal (why does wordpress not recognize the word fetal?) position and cry uncontrollably.

my doctor asked if it was okay for both interns to sit in on the visit. the worst was over, i thought, so LET’S MAKE IT AN EVENT! someone go get popcorn.

the worst was not over. the worst part was when they all put on headlamps, my doctor holding that dreaded “tool” in hand. i seriously thought they were about to go spelunking. like it was the magic school bus or something and they were about to shrink to 1/1000000th of their normal size, and walk right in.

so on top of the normal jitters surrounding a regular OB/GYN visit, there’s always that!

HA! i just realized that “misspoke” is a really funny word. miss. poke. awesome. i’m 23, i swear.

anyway, i am getting a whole bunch of responses from my previous post asking for input from the internets. and i think about half of them say something along the lines of “i don’t think you should change the way you write” or “don’t try and please other people”. that was so not the point of my impromptu survey.

the point was to get some fresh ideas from you guys because my day-to-day lifestyle does not always bring out the creative in me. generally, i leave that up to excessive amounts of caffeine. or jack daniel’s. a lot of times, my day consists of going to work, coming home, cleaning, working on websites, and going to sleep. and it can be very mundane. maybe i need to start coloring outside the lines more often.

either way, the past couple of days have been anything but my normal day-to-day thing. and i love that. yesterday we had a thanksgiving day “pot-luck” at work. i have never, NEVER, seen this much food in my life, second only to golden corral. except this food was safe for eating. SPAWAR purchased turkey, ham, potatoes, gravy, and a few other things (i’m pretty sure it was catered, at least), and then everyone who attended either donated $5 or brought a side dish or dessert. i brought cheesecake, because any excuse to consume cheesecake is always the best choice, in my opinion. as it turned out, about 20 people brought desserts and i had an entirely separate plateful of, well, desserts. it was awesome. i also had 2 platefuls (crammed on 1 plate) of every dish on the table, except for the weird pasta salad with apples in it. far too exotic for my taste.

and today… not so much exciting as it was, relaxing. i wore my favorite dress to work with my cowboy boots (being comfy on a friday makes it that much more enjoyable, also PAY DAY!) and ate lunch with amy and elizabeth outside in the sunshine (despite the beautiful sunshine, i’m still irritated that it is this hot in november). i am not really used to hanging out with girls, and until i started working at SPAWAR i only really hung out with jill (<3). and even that was rare (meaning once every few months). so hanging out with amy and elizabeth the past few months has brought about a lot of interesting conversation. which i love, because they are also not your typical females. and i know if they read this they're going to be like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? and i'm just going to look at them like, really? in your dreams. i think the phrase of the day yesterday was, "it feels like there's a ferret in my chest," and the winner from tuesday, you can read that here.

seriously.

disclaimer: i take good care of my teeth. i brush, floss (when i remember), and use mouth wash. i go to the dentist fairly regularly. i go more now that i have a dentist that i LOVE down here in charleston. i abhorred the one back home because, well, they were all assholes.

while i was in college, i took care of my teeth. what i did not realize was that a tongue ring (kept it for 2 years and then ditched it) and excessive drinking (which leads to excessive puking) will take a toll on your teeth. i ignored all warnings because… i was 19. reasonable answer, right?

as a result of my ignorance, i have a bunch of (like 12) tiny cavities that need to be taken care of–mostly little barely visible ones around the gum line and ones in the back that i can’t see. the “bad” ones were not visible but the dentist identified them immediately and filled them for me during my FIRST visit to their office, which was spectacular. that never happened at my old dentist. i should be all patched up within a couple weeks, and i can’t wait because this is one of the things i’m the most self-conscious about.

in my own defense, i didn’t even think about how bad puking would be for my teeth. during the summer of 2005, i would like to say that i didn’t drink every night, but it was damn close. it was disgusting, actually. it was my last summer living at home, i was working an EXTREMELY boring job at wake forest university, and… i was 19. again, good answer for everything. my job required little-to-no brain power, and i took that as the go-ahead to drink excessively while my schedule allowed it. i’d go out with my best friend jill or i’d go out dancing in greensboro, get home at 5 AM, and wake up at 6 AM hungover as hell. if i was lucky, i’d stop puking by 7:30 or 8 when i left for work. otherwise, i’d sometimes puke until 11 or even noon. i rarely remember not throwing up that summer. it never crossed my mind that the acid was just ruining my whole mouth.

and let’s not even get started on my trip to scandinavia in 2007. there was not a sober night in europe that month. there were maybe 5 or 6 non-puking days.

let it be said that i have a fairly wussy stomach. even 3-4 beers or a can of JOOSE! or FOUR Loko (do not drink it, i’m fairly certain it can kill a man) can still make me throw up at 23. jagermeister and rum make me throw up almost instantly, all alcohol aside. the taste is just putrid (in my opinion). it doesn’t take much; however, that doesn’t make up for my excessive stupidity.

so when the dentist asked the regular, “Do you drink a lot of soda?” my response was simply, “No, I throw up a lot.” which is true. but i probably should have expressed more clearly the reason i throw up a lot (a. i was 19, b. i was 21, and c. I’M A MORON).

his response? his response was, “You are a beautiful girl, you do not need to do that. I sincerely hope you have put an end to that, you look fine the way you are.”

i should have accepted his complement and left it at that, because the look on his face when i told him the real issue was far less endearing than the one i got when he thought i was bulimic, followed by the most patronizing hug slash pat on the back i’ve ever had in my life. go figure.

i can’t tell if i’m finally making a routine of my own (after 6 months of living here, i’d hope so) or if i’m just nuts. every day/night i have to do these things in a certain order. unless, of course, i have company or i’m not at my apartment, or something out of the ordinary is going on. but generally i spend my evenings alone so i am compulsive about my daily habits.

• as soon as i get home from work, i have to have my apartment key ready before i get out of the car. this irritates me.
• when i walk in the door, keys and sunglasses go on the shelf next to the door.
• water bottle has to be refilled and put in the refrigerator.
• make-up bag has to go back on the bathroom counter (i keep this with me because i’m even more compulsive about that, it’s bad).
• i take my shoes off and put them in my closet, hang up clothes that can be worn again, and put dirty clothes in hamper.
• i put on a pair of sweatpants and cozy t-shirt and socks.
• i let loki out, and simultaneously refill her food bowl while she’s outside.
• i dustbust kitty litter that loki has left in my bedroom (what dog doesn’t eat cat crap? i will never understand this, disgusting).

if i don’t do these things as soon as i get home, i get anxious. i can’t relax. it bugs the hell out of me.

same thing with when i prepare food–i have to clean the dishes i used to prepare the food before i can enjoy the food. because otherwise i won’t enjoy it. or i’ll just think about it while i’m eating and dread having to do it when i’m done (even though when i’m done, i have to clean those dishes, too). it makes no sense.

and before i go to bed or leave my apartment for a few days, my bed has to be made (i have to make it every morning before going to work, but if for some reason it isn’t made, i will think about coming home to it all weekend and get irritated). any laundry that i did must be hung up or folded and put where it’s supposed to go. the carpet has to be vacuumed. the blanket and pillows on the couch have to be in their respective places. otherwise, i will think about that all weekend too. and i’ll dread walking into my apartment and having to deal with it.

is anyone else like this? or to this extent? sometimes i don’t notice it until something interrupts me (like my laundry isn’t dry yet and i can’t hang it up before leaving, and then i’m all OH HELL NO) and other times, it drives me out of my damn mind.

if you are reading this post with the hopes of reading about a light up bra or vibrating panties or a scantily clad robot, you are about to be let down, i assure you. the only reason those two stores coexist in the title is because Store A (i needed to buy LEDs) led me to Store B. this is a result of the man on the phone at radio shack giving me horrible directions that got me lost in the citadel mall. so i had a small detour to the store that scarred me for life, which is why today was only my 5th adventure beyond its doors. i ran out of my favorite lotion.

yes, it’s true. Victoria’s Secret scarred me for life. i know my parents will read this so… close your eyes, dad. mom, you’ve probably heard worse from my mouth. everyone else, i know you’ve heard worse from my mouth. i will not say how long ago this was (for my parents’ sake, i will at least say i had already been in college for a good while) because i feel like that is too much personal information for the internet to know.

i want to try to put this delicately but i don’t think it can be done. i wanted to buy an “outfit”. the outfit was for a certain occasion, after which my innocence would no longer be in tact. if you haven’t caught on, let me distract you elsewhere. even then, just walking by Victoria’s Secret freaked me out. i needed help. so i asked my very close friend (and ex-boyfriend), Collin, to join me on my adventure. he couldn’t turn down the chance to see me humiliate myself in public. so we went.

there we were in Victoria’s Secret. i was terrified, and Collin was, well, collin was probably in heaven. i immediately went to the clearance section (can’t really afford much in this store on a college budget) and found this cute, black corset. i wanted to get out of there, so the first thing i found, i tried on.

i went in the dressing room. i made sure Collin was sitting outside in case i started screaming (or crying). thank god for that, too, because within 30 seconds, i was stuck. there were straps everywhere. i had no idea what i was doing. i panicked. collin came in and he couldn’t help me. he found the “help” button on the wall inside the dressing room, pushed it for me, and walked back out. i waited.

by the time anyone came to my rescue, i had kind of figured out like 4 straps. i had 2 remaining. a woman knocked on my door and i let her in. she and i stood there and stared at my mangled mess, my face looking a little more horrified than hers. she pushed the button to call another woman in.

second woman came in. the result? the same clueless expression. meanwhile, i stood there half clothed, petrified, and hugely embarrassed that i even thought i could come out of this store without something like this happening. good god almighty, was i wrong.

they pushed the button. a third opinion (and a 4th set of hands) was necessary, if not to figure out what the straps were for, then to get me out of the damn thing.

enter: black female. disclaimer: i am not racist. i think that black women have the ability to take any situation and make it hilarious. she was absolutely what i needed to lift my spirits. and also to scar me for life. it did both very well.

she took one look at me from the front and one look at me from the back. you could see the gears turning in her mind. she had me figured out in less than 10 seconds. the next sentence was more than what i was prepared for.

“oh, honey! i know what them straps are. those are REINS!”

i didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or run away. so i did all 3 at the same time. but not without taking my knife out, cutting off the “reins”, and buying the corset.

the point: Victoria’s Secret freaks me the hell out and since the incident, i keep my time spent in there to a minimum. mostly, i just avoid it at all costs. except when i run out of my favorite lotion.