today has been productive so far. i will say that much.

i got more signatures. see, they give us this check in sheet. it has like.. 13 things on it. each “thing” is a department and/or person you have to find, give them one of your 823943 forms filled out, and convince them to initial your check in sheet. i started working on it this morning since yesterday i was only able to get *2 people* to initial it. just 2. lame. this is the most UN fun scavenger hunt i have ever done in my life. there isn’t even any candy at the end.

this morning started out with a golf cart ride down to the main building again (thank you, zan, for not throwing me out of the golf cart). this building has almost all of the people i need to sign off on my sheet. it seemed like the right start… until i realized that 3 of the people i needed weren’t even there yet. this morning was only mildly successful BUT i got a better grasp on how to actually navigate said building without feeling like a rat in a maze. almost. i got 2-3 signatures and, drumroll, MORE FORMS! i filled them out on the golf cart ride back, went back into my building, more paperwork. forms. etc. i brought my lunch to work today but a bacon cheeseburger from five guys (the burger joint, for all you weirdos) sounded far more enticing.

i got back from lunch and had to go do this mandatory training in another building. i drove over only to find out it was the *exact* same training i completed like, 3 weeks ago? as a contractor. yeah. i even asked the woman if it was the same thing, and she assured me it was entirely different. NO. so i clicked through it for 10 minutes. the lady was like, that was fast, and i told her i was not about to sit through and actually read all of that again. not that i actually read it the first time, though. i know the consequences of leaving my computer unlocked, thank you very much. the last time that happened, my own boss set an image of a strange hairy man wearing a banana hammock as my desktop wallpaper. in my opinion, that is FAR more effective than awareness training. whatever, to each his own.

i got that done. i ran back to the crazy maze building to see if the missing persons from this morning were there yet. lucky for me, they were there. all but one person. the most important person on the check list–the person i’m actually supposed to GIVE it to so i can say i completed it on time. evidently, she’s gone for the whole week. awesome. i can’t even remember to study for my linux+ exam (CRAP, it’s tomorrow), so hopefully i will at least remember to go back on monday and try to find this woman.

despite all my complaining, i am in a better position than a lot of new hires, apparently. some people don’t get laptops for several days or weeks, and some people’s clearances take weeks to go through. i got lucky in that i actually get my new laptop tomorrow AND my clearance went through on the first day (though it did involve a lot of extra running around). it is not fun having people escort you to and from the bathroom, so that’s quite a relief. it could always be worse.

in the meantime… i guess i’ll study for linux+, although i think the CISSP maxed out my study-time-attention-span for the next, uh, 5 years. WISH ME LUCK!

i was so tempted to take all my CISSP study materials (except the ones that are borrowed) and throw them into a giant pile and light it on fire. until i remembered the little tid bit where i don’t know if i passed yet, so in the event that i bombed that hellacious exam, i might need those materials one day down the road.

i took 5 hours to take it (you could take up to 6). the format is 250 multiple choice questions. the last 1 and a half-ish hours were spent filling in bubbles and going over the questions that i saved for later. the ones that made me go cross-eyed.

in all seriousness, that was the hardest exam i’ve ever taken in my life, and i very truly *never* want to take it again. the next few weeks of waiting are going to drive me nuts. at least it’s over, and out of my hands.

the whole event in itself was kind of fun, though. there were like… 40 people? ish? i’m not good at ball-parking a room full of people but that’s my guess. there were 5-6 guys from work in there. there were a few younger people, but i’m gonna go out on a limb and say i was the youngest one in there. there were 4 females, including myself. surprise, surprise, right? i was definitely the only individual wearing bright pink.

also, the guy behind me was a total mouth-breather. just sayin’. makes it kind of hard to concentrate.

2 of the exam proctors were guys from work, as well, so that made it a bit more comfortable. after it was over, the overall consensus was, “my head hurts, i need a beer,” so 5 of us went to buffalo wild wings and had a few much-needed (and hard-earned!) cold beers.

my evening was followed up by watching UFC 111 with friends. i could not think of a better way to spend the afternoon/evening after a 5-hour braindump. actually, that’s a lie. had brett been there to celebrate with me, it would’ve been better.

also, apologies for the ridiculous amount of UFC-related tweets last night. i got kind of excited over the main event. for the record, i think it was an awesome fight. and i know 1 person in particular who will 100% disagree with me. i’m sure many others do too, but i don’t think GSP had anything to be unhappy about (and definitely nothing to apologize for). *i thought* it was a fun fight to watch. i’m glad it didn’t end with a 1st round submission, and i’m glad he didn’t try to rip hardy’s arm off. i kind of didn’t want either of them to lose (as dumb as that sounds) because i like both of them. i’m happy it went to decision, despite the fact that there wasn’t much of a “decision” by the end of the 5th round.

i haven’t felt really, *seriously* stressed out in… a long time. like since before i graduated from college. it’s been a while. i kind of decided stressing out was doing more harm than good, and talked myself out of it gradually (gradually being a huge understatement). all it did was make me feel like crap, make me stop eating (except for chocolate), and make my face break out.

there are exceptions, and those fall into the my-work-is-really-on-the-line-and-i’m-freaking-out category. luckily, i haven’t hit that point.

being stressed sucks.

but here i am… stressed out. i don’t really know why–brett is fine over there in africa, and i’m doing okay here. other than the fact that my cat may have broken his leg about an hour ago.

i think the CISSP is stressing me out–mostly because it’s $550 out of my pocket if i fail it. i think that’s worth stressing over, just a tid bit.

however, none of this even remotely comes close to how badly i used to stress out.

so why am i having ridiculous nightmares? why haven’t i slept a single night all the way through since he left? granted, some of those nights i’ve been woken up by the animals running a muck around the apartment (i seriously thought someone broke in last night, until i realized thor had just thrown the entire contents of my purse onto the floor), but this is not normal for me. i usually sleep like a rock.

i’ve been waking up every hour of every night.

and the nightmares? i don’t remember what half of them are about. you know that feeling you get after you’ve had a really bad dream, and you wake up feeling really strange? like you know it was a bad dream but you can’t exactly put it all together? every morning has been like that. i hate that feeling.

i do remember one dream, though, and i was all kinds of upset/freaked out when i woke up. i don’t know where we were or what we were doing but brett was there, and we were walking along, and all of a sudden he turned into a fish. but i didn’t seem to notice that he was a fish. i mean, i *knew* he was a fish, because i had to carry him around in my hand, but the fact that he was a fish and not a human did not matter in my dream. i don’t really know what that means, nor do i want to. anyway, he was a fish. i was carrying him around. and then he died. DIED. while he was sitting in my hands. his eyeballs were on the ground. he like… fell apart in my dream. it was completely disgusting.

all i know is, i will be glad when he is home and this exam is over with. i am very fortunate if those are the only things that i can think of that would be stressing me out right now. still, i’d like the creepy fish dreams to stop.

i started off studying for the CISSP in a very unorganized manner–just reading through materials haphazardly, hoping and praying that some of it would stick as i went along. then i came to my senses and realized it is divided into 10 domains for a reason.

for the past several days, i’ve been reading and re-reading the SANS CISSP booklet for the first domain–access control. i’ve listened to the lectures, and i re-played the chunk on kerberos about 7 times just this afternoon (nightmare). i made diagrams. i made about 50 flash cards. after all that, i’ve been completing the practice quizzes on domain 1 at an 80% rate or higher. this is not to say i’ve mastered access control, because i am nowhere near that point. but i’m very comfortable with it, and that’s a good start. i think tomorrow i will move on to domain 2 after doing a couple more quizzes.

thank you to everyone who has been giving me study tips and materials–i really appreciate it.

perhaps when i get reimbursed for the exam, i can buy a round of alcoholic beverages for all of you. and myself. lord knows i’m gonna need it afterward.

since i sat down this morning, i’ve been listening to lectures (i acquired some very helpful training lectures in MP3 format), going over practice quizzes, and doing my best imitation of a sponge. the lectures are from a SANS CISSP course, and they are amazing. aside from the fact that it’s like… over 40 hours of lecturing. i got through almost 4 today. it’s still much better than reading, and the guy doing the training is excellent.

i am NOT substituting reading with the lectures, by any means. i’ve got the SYBEX book, CISSP for dummies, shon harris, ISC2‘s official guide… i have too many books. i used the SYBEX book for my CISSP/Sec+ class in college–it’s easy to read and i’ve read most of it already. shon harris’s book is the one everyone raves about, and a lot of people said the CISSP for dummies was all they used. i’m kind of stuck. and the lecturer stressed how it’s not always a good idea to use so many books because they might have different information from what ISC2 currently uses. the ISC2 book itself is NOT an easy read.

i also have the pass4sure test bank of practice questions, which is over 2300 questions. plus the practice quizzes from the lectures. plus smaller study guides containing key points from each domain.

i think i’m set on material. my boss came by and dumped even MORE books on me today, which i have not listed, because i’ve just given up on those. i need to pick 2 and stick with them. and the lectures. seriously–a godsend. i’m going to burn them to a CD and listen to it in my car. that man’s voice is going to haunt my dreams by the end of march.

and i know this post’s title stresses how good of a day it has been. the lectures are actually kind of fun (i’m aware of how dorky that sounds), but today was also the day my TAX RETURN got deposited into my bank account. i really needed to replenish my savings after paying for the exam ($550) and the dental work ($700+), so a load has been lifted. and replaced with a nice chunk of change.

something else spectacular happened today, which i am not going to write about until it is a done deal. it will be soon, however, and i could not be more excited. i do not want to jinx myself.

PLUS… UFC 109 is tomorrow. and the super bowl, of course, is sunday. i’m counting on lots of celebrating, lots of sleeping in, and steak. and i’d REALLY like a whiskey sour tonight.

oh, and my resume/portfolio can now be found at www.WhitneyPowell.com. i splurged a bit with my tax return and dropped 10 bucks on a domain. finally.

despite the fact that i’m about to faceplant my keyboard, i have never felt this refreshed after a long weekend before. i guess that’s how badly i needed it. and to get the hell out of the apartment for a while.

brett and i went to mooresville for 2 nights this weekend–the main reason being he had to take a certification exam on saturday, and then to get new clothes to wear to work. as it turns out, spending a couple days relaxing outside the apartment, with family, was more therapeutic than anything. we sat on the couch in sweatpants, watched football, split a 12 pack of coors light, and ate frozen pizza. we originally planned on going back to charleston on saturday afternoon, but after walking around kohl’s for an hour we decided watching the game was far more important.

i got 5 shirts/dresses and 3 pairs of shoes for $115. i can finally stop rotating the same 5-6 outfits every week. except, one of my team leads actually said to me the other day, “whitney, you always wear something different to work!” and then i looked at her like she was insane because i have literally been rotating like the same 5-6 outfits every week. well, more like mixing and matching the same 5-7 tops with the same 4 bottoms… but you get the point. i end up washing the same set of clothes every single load. it gets so old. so i bought new things.

i feel like a new woman. i really hate shopping. i actually hate trying things on the most (but who doesn’t?) but i also hate trying to find things in my size. that’s part of the reason i’ve started wearing dresses a lot more lately. i don’t know if other short people have this much of a problem but jeans? that’s a nightmare. they’re always 8 inches too long if the waist fits right. or the crotch-seam area (i don’t know what you call that) comes halfway down my thighs. or the thighs themselves don’t fit right. i don’t know. it just sucks. so i started wearing a lot more dresses and skirts to work. any other time, it’s usually sweatpants, all of which have a crotch-seam area that comes down past my knees… whatever.

you know, if company dress policy allowed you to wear sweatpants and t-shirts, i’d get a hell of a lot more done. just throwing that out there. just my 2 cents.

i did get a lot of cute things, though. and i wore one of the dresses to work today with some leggings. and now every older woman i pass in the hallway immediately stops and says, “aww, you look so cute! i love your outfit!” so i’m going to go home tonight and burn this dress. juuust kidding. brett said i look like i just walked out of narnia, so i don’t really know what to think.

today is his first day at work, so i took him to lunch for jalapeno chicken day at madra rua. it’s so nice that i can actually talk to him about work-related stuff now. prior to him working, he didn’t have a security clearance, so when he asked about work… “what’d you do at work?” i’d be like “uhh… well… linux.. security.. stuff? i can’t say anything else… THEY MIGHT BE LISTENING” and that was pretty much it. i mean, some of it is still FOUO, but we can at least have a conversation now without closing the blinds. i don’t really close my blinds.

also… i do not have panic attacks every day. or cry every day. or freak out every day. JUST TO CLEAR THAT UP from the last post. a certain individual (i might have an idea of who) decided to blow up my comments. i used to do those things… all of them… just about every day. it was awful. and for a while, i did think i was batshitinsane crazy. then i quit taking birth control (first fantastic move, it changed my life). but i was still crying all the time. and having frequent panic attacks. and it took me until last fall to realize that it was because i wasn’t happy (for a handful of reasons). once i realized that, everything changed. i got my life back. i got ME back.

and then some more things changed. a lot of things changed–career, steady income, new city, new apartment, new everything… and like i said, i am happy. unbelievably happy. i was just stressed out last week and when i get frustrated, that usually comes out in tears, no matter how much i DON’T want it to. so… yeah. and instead of crying for hours like i used to, i cry for like… 2 minutes. if at all. and then it’s over.

i am not the same person i was a year ago, and i thank god for that.

i do, still, have the occasional panic attack when i’m in crowded places, or when i’m just extremely uncomfortable. like when i was at defcon in july and i had 9 random guys surround me and follow me with cameras and had to have a friend carry me out of the building. those kinds of situations? i will turn batshitinsane crazy. and there is a more than acceptable reason for that kind of behavior. i’m just not ready to share that experience with the internet yet. maybe one day.

my apartment looks like a home now. i wish my camera wasn’t broken so i could take pictures. i’ll borrow someone’s until i buy a new one. my bedroom is my new favorite room. i must say, i made a hell of a choice on a mattress. it might be too comfortable because i never want to get out of it.

i have officially spent too much money on picture frames. in my defense, they are being used to frame prints i got made of my scandinavia trip. i picked some of my favorite photos and they look really nice.

i went to wal-mart and bought a cheap computer desk the day before yesterday. i picked the perfect day to do it (it was pouring down rain) and the desk weighed more than i do. i hope no one was watching me put it in my cart in the store. i’d finally muster up the strength to get the box off the ground and when i’d lunge to get it into the cart, the cart would roll away. same deal with trying to get it out of the cart and into my car-an even more ridiculous sight.

the best part was the stupid woman waiting for my parking spot. it seriously took me almost 15 minutes to get my cart unloaded and my car packed up. i went to put the cart in the cart return and she HONKS at me. what the hell? was that even necessary? it’s pouring. i’m clearly struggling. so i took my sweet time taking my cart back. people are unbelievable.

OH! and my big news. wednesday i took my security+ certification exam at ECPI in north charleston. I PASSED! hooray! so now security+ = salary+ and i am no longer stressed out.

this is what i’ve been doing with my time since it’s rained for all but 3 of the days i’ve lived here so far. i’m hoping for good beach weather this weekend since 3 of my buddies are coming down today. 2 others came down last night and we hung out at my friends’ apartment in mount pleasant. their pool is so much nicer than the one at my apartment (mine is really nice. theirs just has palm trees and hammocks and all sorts of stuff). so nice that i decided was forced to go for a swim with my clothes on.

instead of being productive and packing and getting ready for my move on thursday, i’ve successfully done all of the following:

• created a Google profile
• created a Dandy ID profile
  • …which led to creating about a million other profiles on a million other websites
• created the Jorp development blog
• scheduled my Security+ certification exam! finally!

i have gotten zero packing done today.

the snow started last night, stopped for a little bit, and now we have an all out blizzard going on outside. i was in a hurry this morning so when i walked out to let loki do her business, i slipped and almost ate concrete for breakfast. at least i didn’t ruin my tights. for the rest of my walk to the bus stop, i waddled. i’m glad i left the apartment with 10 minutes to spare because it took me every bit of those 10 minutes to walk the 50 yards to the bus stop. i really hope no one was near a window to witness that…

my IS project class had to present our first deliverables last week. each team has about 3-4 members and only 3 teams got to go on thursday, so the other 2 teams had to present today. to make it fair for everyone, because we all had to dress up last week to present, we all had to dress up today to watch the remaining teams.

i don’t own any dress shoes that are not high heels so i was forced to wear my nice skirt, tights, dress shirt, and hooker boots all day today. it worked out in the end because we had an AITP meeting this evening with a guest speaker so at least i looked nice enough to talk in front of 20 people. i just hate wearing tights and heels all day.

i actually got to come home before 9PM today. i didn’t spend 12 hours on campus. hooray for 10 hour days! my buddy robbie gave me a ride home after the meeting and then i drove to the market before the roads got bad. i was running low on food. so low that i actually ate scalloped potatoes mixed with tuna for dinner last night. it’s really NOT that bad, to my surprise.

i got home and i’ve been going over certification practice exams ever since. twitter is a wonderful tool. the other day, i made a tweet about how i am trying to tackle my security+ and CCNA this semester. within the same day, i had 2 people from 2 companies approach me about reviewing their training products.

so that will be my next blog, probably. i’m going to start going through the training manuals/videos/practice exams and then i will do a review of both products. i am pretty excited about this! so far, i’ve gotten training products from TrainSignal.com and i am awaiting a package from PalaestraTraining.com. more to come.