i’m sick of feeling like shit lately.

i’ve been working out at home when i can doing this workout (ad-hoc’ing on the days i “can’t” with sets of pushups/crunches/jumping jacks when i’m trying to take care of caylin AND work out).

i switched to a stand-up desk for when i’m working on one laptop, and i sit on my exercise ball while i’m pedaling at the other.

i drink nothing but water with every meal.

i’ve been counting calories. only drinking like once during the week. i lost a couple pounds in the beginning, but now it’s stagnant at 120 pounds. and it’s pissing me off.

this weekend i’m going to get a tan. this weekend i’m going to get my hair done and eyebrows waxed. this weekend i’m going to actually go shopping (shudder) and buy some spring/summer work clothes since i got rid of most of mine. it’s already too warm for leggings here, and it has been for a while. luckily our office is freezing.

and… tomorrow starts the diet. i can honestly say that i’ve never put myself on a diet in my entire life. this is a first. i’m almost ashamed that i’m putting myself up to this because i’ve gone 26 years without it. but to be realistic, i’ve felt “good” about myself maybe one summer out of those 26 years.

again, i’m sick of feeling like shit.

i’m going to eat 2 eggs scrambled (nothing added except ketchup, i was raised by yankees) for breakfast every morning, with a fruit cup and a granola bar. a GOOD lunch if i go out to eat, or just a lean cuisine if i stay at work. chicken caesar salad for dinner every night, no croutons, minimal dressing (i looove chicken caesar salads).

i know i can do this. my first setback will be breakfast because i’m so used to not packing it (i don’t have time before work so i’ll have to eat it AT work), but other than that, i should be fine. when brett was gone for a week back in january, i ate chicken caesar salads for dinner every night and it was awesome. so that leaves me with lunch. for the love of god, someone send some willpower my way.

i’m tired of hating myself and i’m tired of it interfering with my mood. more importantly, i’m tired of it interfering with my marriage.

i’m just over it.